Homeschool Postmortem

One night last week when Tim got home from work, he sat down at the kitchen table with a sigh and said, "Well, America didn't burn down today." I shook my head and said, "I doubt I'd even notice if it had."

I was so consumed with my own problems, I barely noticed our country was headed toward an apocalypse. Disclaimer: I am aware that my problems are not real problems. They are the kind that can only come up in a life with abundance and options. 

By the end of a whopping three months of homeschool, I found myself increasingly worried, anxious, and exhausted. I was taking kind of a triage approach to the areas of learning and well-roundedness that I envisioned for them -- choosing each week a different thing to make my focus, and then letting that thing go to the backburner when something else took precedence. For example, one week I'd be on their case to spend more time reading; the next, I'd be after them to spend more time outdoors because this is what homeschooled kids are supposed to be doing. This was supposed to be the whole point of taking them away from hours of Zoom! I was supposed to be cultivating an environment where learning is happening even when we're not "doing school" -- but the only thing flourishing was laziness and complacency. I never for a minute forgot all the things they should be learning and doing every day, not just sometimes. I just didn't have the mental bandwidth to deal with more than one thing at a time. It took me a long time to admit I was in a crisis, but I think if you were to ask Tim, he started seeing my distress signals early and often.

This post has to have pictures, whether or not they have anything to do with anything.

This is so embarrassing for me to admit, but first I gave up the science curriculum because we weren't liking it, and then I scrambled to come up with something new. I didn't like the history either, so I gave it up for a few weeks and then went back to it because I couldn't come up with anything I liked better. Looking back, it was all hastily chosen, and the only thing that worked out well was the language arts. I was unable myself to keep up with the schedule I created for us, and thought that's OK, I'll ease up. We'll adapt and do what works for us. We all did physical education together in the beginning; then I said they need to do a physical activity on their own; then I forgot about it entirely. Saxon Math gave way to Khan Academy. Everything started to slip through my fingers. I set what I thought were reasonable daily goals, weekly goals, and then wondered why it was so dang hard to meet them. I needed help, but this was my show, and co-ops are not an option where we live. (It would have been yet another place to drive anyway -- lest we forget I have two other children in two other schools.) I would vent my frustration to Tim, who dealt as best he could, backing my efforts when possible, but this wasn't something he was prepared to take on after a day at work. And he did not like coming home to a stressed out Rachael.

One day, and which day in particular it was, I don't remember. Only that it was the last week before area schools were to go on Christmas break. Probably Monday or Tuesday of that week. A lot of things were going through my head, like it's not supposed to be this way...nobody is appreciating my efforts...I'm trying so hard...this is all for them, but they don't even care... All of a sudden, into my mind flashed a quote from The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis: "She's the sort of woman who lives for others -- you can always tell the others by their hunted expression." I sat there stunned, my pity party brought to an abrupt, record-scratching end. I knew I was in real danger of turning into this fearsome specter who "lives for others."

We brought back family game night, starting with the one Santa brought us this year, Ticket to Ride. It's  a winner.

Nobody had asked me to do any of this. Nobody was requiring me now to do any of this. I had brought it all on myself. I sent up a quick prayer and went once more to the girls. They readily agreed that I should enroll them at the middle school to start after the break. Things moved very quickly after that. A few clicks of a keyboard and it was done. When it sank in I let out a body-deflating sigh, put my face in my hands, and allowed the tears to flow. I had had such high hopes for this little venture, and now it was another failed experiment.

It was singularly humbling to face the fact that I could not do this myself. To admit that I was not serving my family well in the capacity of middle school teacher. To realize that all the really great reasons there are to homeschool in the time of COVID or otherwise, just really don't apply to me or my family. While the current situation is not ideal, my girls are capable of keeping track of their own schedules and doing their own work, and they are motivated to do so by their teachers who are somebody besides me. 

It took a while before I came around to this kind of perspective. For several days I just felt like I'd fallen flat on my face. Tim listened, comforted me, and gave me space to go through my mourning process. It was tough. I didn't want to even look at the materials we had, and kept thinking what a waste. I felt so defeated and like, what was the point? Maybe it will make sense one day why I had to go through this. As Olaf said, "This will all make sense when I'm older." 😅 I think that if I had started homeschooling the girls when they were little, this would be a very different story. We are all too set in our ways. 

The week they went back to school, it took a little more doing to get Delaney into the math class she belonged in. The school only wanted her to be in it if she had been in it since August. I hadn't seen this coming, obviously. I don't want to go into the boring details, but as I put it to Tim, "I interfered once and messed things up, and now I've got to interfere one more time to make it right!" I pleaded my case, citing the crazy times we're in. It's funny because I'm usually the parent no one even knows about, but I'm pretty sure the middle school staff know my name now (and are hopefully not cursing it). But they were very gracious and accommodating, the girls are now settled in and back to work, and I can recede to the background again. For those of you I asked to pray for a special intention -- that was it! Thank you and thank God.

I have to say, now that this is all said and done, I am sooo relieved. I am so glad not to be carrying this burden. There is still time and now a little more mental energy to dedicate to teaching them things they won't learn in public school. I can tell they're happier too, and looking forward to being back with their friends next Friday when they go back to, what is it? Plan B, one day a week in person. (That's the plan anyway, we'll see how it actually goes.) They are once again spending many hours in Zooms, but as long as I've got a kitchen stocked with food, I can count on seeing them a few times a day. Earlier this week I got my first robocall in about six months, informing me that Delaney's going to be looking at a high school course catalog and registering for classes soon.😲 Can you believe it? Our naptime Poopcasso is going to high school in a few months. 

I've read this book three or four times, and I've gotten something new out of it every time. The letters are written by a senior devil to a novice one, giving advice on how to secure a soul's damnation. Of course Uncle Screwtape is unwittingly instructing us readers how to live our best lives, avoid temptations, and get to heaven when we die. It is humorous, insightful, sometimes downright chilling, but just. so. good. Not a single wasted word. I love everything CSL.

Timmy's First Day of School

Yesterday was the little man's big day when he finally got to ride the bus with his sisters. There was nothing cuter than the sight of him walking around proudly with that big backpack on. He is in half-day pre-k at the same school as Annie. The bus picks him up with the rest of the kids at 7 a.m., and then the bus takes him right back to our front door at a little after 11. This is a very easy school year for me, indeed!

The day before that there was a meet & greet for Timmy's class with the new teacher. The one who had come to our house for the home visit was a sub. Tim came to that too, and it was very nice.

Timmy found his own cubby (even though it says "Timothy" instead of "Timmy") and hung his backpack up in it. He put the school supplies we'd brought into the designated bins. We met his teachers and talked to a couple of the other parents. The little girl two doors down is in his class. Then he made himself right at home in the comfy reading corner.

The next day before dawn, I got him and his sisters up and ready for the day, then out to the sidewalk for the obligatory sign-holding photo. I guess Annie decided she was done with these and would not smile, not even for a Mento.

Around his neck he wore a tag that had his name and teacher's name on it; as well as another tag that has his name and my name, address and phone number. Another tag clipped to his backpack had all the same information. I said, "I think he'll make it back to us."

Timmy's trying to smile for me with the rewarded Mento in his mouth, with Daddy photobombing. So silly.

Then off he went. 

At a little after 11, I went out to the porch to wait with phone in hand, eager to take some pictures as he debarked the bus. The bus drove up, stopped, the door opened, and then .. nothing happened for at least 20 seconds. I figured that getting his carseat unbuckled and getting his stuff together must be taking awhile. The bus driver said, "We got the wrong kid!" Then he laughed and said, "Just kidding." I thought, haha, sure you are. Then my little buddy appeared at the top of the stairs and stopped to buckle the chest clip of his backpack. He saw me with my camera pointed at him and smiled and waved obligingly, never one to pass up a photo op. Never mind that that the bus driver and assistant were trying to get him off the bus so they could drop off the other kids. What a ham.

Mr. P is like, "Get off my bus!":)

Once inside the door he took off his shoes and socks right away, and then showed me the folder full of papers he'd brought home. He said he hadn't fallen asleep on the way home, but he had blinked for a long time. (He was catching flies, alright.) He told me his friend Parker from soccer rode the bus too. I asked him what he'd had for snack and he said, "Nothing! They forgot snack!" 

It's been a big couple of weeks for Timmy with starting school and playing soccer for the first time. He's having a blast, having not so much time to be a couch potato, and going right to sleep every night. These are good things. Now if only I could get used to the 5:30 wake up time..

First Day of School

The girls started school on August 13 -- the earliest start to a school year they've ever had. Looking through the calendar of their new school,there are many days off and early dismissals sprinkled throughout, probably to accommodate military families. Yet another new school for these kids -- the charter school we sent them to last year just wasn't a good fit for our family. It's still way too early to tell how this school will work out, but already I am liking having our kids going to the DoD school with all the kids on our street and most of the kids in the neighborhood. I know their parents and feel much more comfortable than I did last year when I knew almost no one they went to school with. The kids they ride the bus with are the same kids they play outside with. I am really hopeful that the girls will bond more with the girls who live down the street. I don't have to worry about Timmy, he makes friends in a second. It will be his turn to get on the bus with them on the 27th when he starts half day pre-k. In the meantime, he gets to enjoy being a bum all morning for a little while longer.

I got up early and made pancakes from scratch. I had written this little bit of encouragement on our chalkboard the night before.

I jumped the gun and took them outside for pictures when it was still too dark. The bus comes right around 7. It was so muggy outside that those signs they're holding turned into damp rags after a few minutes.

Once it was time to go two mailboxes down to the bus stop I begged them to let me take one last picture on the sidewalk because I had the sun behind me and there was finally enough light for a decent shot. Annie agreed if I promised that it would be the last. Timmy had to be in the picture, of course, there was no talking him out of it. No talking him into putting those flipflops on his feet either. 

We waited with the small crowd of other kids and parents, everyone kind of nervous and excited. When the bus came around the corner and I looked down at Delaney, she was swiping a tear away. Reflexively, my eyes started misting up too, and I gave her a squeeze around the shoulders and kiss on her head. My heart ached for her, my brave little girl who's had to go to three schools in three years. Annie was being stoic, but I know this moment was just as hard for her. The first day is so scary. I hugged and kissed them each a couple more times and hoped they couldn't tell that I wanted to cry too. I was glad they at least got to go together, even if they were being dropped off at separate schools. 

When they got off the bus that afternoon around 3:15, they were tired but in good spirits. While they had cookies and milk, Annie told me that the teacher had given her juice that calmed down the butterflies in her tummy, juice that was sweet but also a little sour. Hmm, what kind of juice is that? Delaney had nothing to report except that she'd been chosen to be student of the day, the kid who is line leader and stuff.  

I am hoping and praying for a good school year for these kids!

This and That

I've been neglecting this old blog for way too long as I wait for all the random thoughts in my head to organize themselves into something cohesive, but on this gloomy morning I give up on that.  It's time for an update.

Now that school is in full swing and has been for the last several weeks, I am feeling almost all the way settled here.  After so many jaunts around Beaufort for school, library, TJMaxx, all the nice antique stores, I no longer need to rely on the GPS.  That's always a relief because the hardest thing about being in a new place to me is feeling so lost all the time.  Every weekday morning I leave between 7:35 and 7:45, depending on the day, to take the girls to school 25 minutes away.  Every afternoon we pick leave to pick them up at 10 of 3, and most of the time I have to wake Timmy up from his nap.  The girls are taking ballet one afternoon a week.  I've joined the Y, which is just a few minutes outside the gate.  I do yoga two mornings a week there, run on the treadmill, and Timmy gets the socialization he's really wanting every time he asks me if he can go to school.  [The answer to that is definitely no, because I see no reason to spend the extra time and gas on dropping off and picking up another kid somewhere.  Next year I'll probably let him do Pre-K at the DoD school, and he'll take a bus.]  The girls will be doing soccer at the Y starting next month.

Dance party in the rain after school

The girls seem happy at school.  Annie was the one I really worried about the first few days when she'd say things like, "I don't like school" and "I don't want to go back."  But now when I pick her up she tells me about her friends, trips that they're going to go on, all kinds of things.  She reads to me every night from the books her teacher sends home, and I don't have to remind her to do it.  She's doing great with sounding out words, and starting to recognize sight words, and I can tell her confidence is growing.  She'll say to me, "I bet I know how to spell ___."  And then she'll say the letters and get most, if not all, right.  Tonight at her teacher's open house, I got a look at her math journal, where she solves problems by drawing pictures.  Her teachers told me that she talks a streak to the other kids but still doesn't want to talk to them or any adults. Oh, Annie.  We've got to fix that.  Delaney likes school pretty much too, and is always cheerful at drop-off and pick-up.  Aside from her 20-minute reading requirement, she usually doesn't have any homework.  It is so nice.  No more long afternoons at the table with a timer.  I quickly learned to save every bit of writing and art that makes it home in her folder, whereas last year I needed to be a lot more selective with what work of art or writing exercise was worth keeping.  At this school they have a policy of not using much paper, and they will creatively find ways to avoid printing lots of paper.  I approve of that 100%.  At a volunteer orientation I was told about how one deck of cards replaces 2000 math worksheets.  Yay for fewer worksheets and not having to be Delaney's jailer every day!  Although, as Tim pointed out, it does make it harder to know what she's learning at school without the paper trail.  It was a big change to go from the chunky binder and paper overload last year to this year with the emailed (vague) reports that say she's doing well, and every now and then a math handout or picture she drew that makes it home.  The math so far is fairly easy addition and subtraction, so not yet where she was at the end of last year.  Lately she's been telling me a lot of South Carolina facts, such as the state bird is the carolina wren and the state butterfly is the tiger swallowtail.  They went on a walking tour of downtown Beaufort a few days ago to look at landmarks and got to handle the little crabs who live by the water.  I don't doubt that a lot of learning is taking place, but I think once I start volunteering, I will get a much better idea of it.

I've joined the Officer Spouses Club for the first time ever since becoming a spouse.  Living here on base, it was like 'why not?'  Their president is the first person to reach out to me back when we were still looking around and trying to decide where to live.  She lives right down the street from me and her teenage daughter is now my kids' babysitter, and they love her and so do we.  I was invited to eat with their dinner club that night back in February, and they were all so welcoming.  They have a few 'sub clubs' that I've joined: dinner club, playgroup, book club, and I may or may not join the wine club.  I do like my wine.:)  So now I'm on a friendly wave, hi and chitchat basis with several of them, but it's too soon to tell whether any real friendships will come out of this for me.

I like our new parish even more since we started going to the 9:30 a.m. Sunday Mass at the Air Station 20 minutes away instead of the quiet little Saturday evening Mass here at Parris Island.  I like how many young families I see walking in the door (the pews are far from being filled up, but still).  I would really, really like to get to know some of those families more, but beyond a few introductions (thanks also to my friend in the OSC who is active in that parish) that hasn't happened yet.  I know I'm partly to blame for that because once Mass is over, and then CCD which lasts until noon, all I want to do is get home and take a break.  There was a picnic starting at noon a couple weeks ago and I told Tim I couldn't even imagine a picnic at noon -- swatting at flies and making small talk when all I want is to eat and nap.  I am not good at the mingling and socializing stuff, even when there's time to kill between Mass and CCD, and then during CCD.  It's a strange paradox: I like people but I don't want to make any of the effort required to get to know them.  I just want to skip to the part where we see each other and go, "Hey!"

Sending Daddy off on a trip

Tim travels frequently with this new job, about two weeks out of every month, give or take.  I am back to doing a lot of solo parenting during the week, but at least he's almost always home on the weekends.  I'll take have him traveling a couple weeks a month over him being gone months at a time on a deployment.  When he's here, his office is about a block away from where we live.  I thought that his being so close would mean that he'd be home a lot more in the afternoons/evenings, but that hasn't been the case.  If he's able to get home at a decent time he'll tell me in the morning, "Text me to remind me to get home by 5."  Most of the time he's home just in time for dinner at 6 which is later than I'd like.  Sometimes he'll just tell me not to expect him for dinner, he has catching up to do, he'll get there when he gets there.  At our last duty station he had the 15-minute commute, but when he was around, he was home easily in time for 5:30 dinner most nights.  Having him so close and his days still so long is not what I expected, but that's OK, I know he's got to do what he's got to do.

This next paragraph was originally a long-winded and whiny paragraph about how Tim had to go right to work immediately after checking in here and never had a big chunk of time to devote to getting things done around here before he started being gone a lot, blah blah.  And how we can't decide whether to paint or which color to use, blah blah.  How I ordered new curtains and I'm worried I'll hate them when they get here.  And how I have no decorating sense at all and I've been begging my sister Anna for ideas, which she has been happy to give.  And how we still don't have enough furnishings to fill these big spaces, and I don't know when it will ever look the way I want.  Reading through it was very boring and tiresome.  I truly am grateful, despite the challenges it poses, to have all this space in a house.  I would rather have this problem than the opposite problem!  One of these days I'll get it the way I want it, or at least mostly, and hopefully I don't drive Tim too crazy in the process.

One bit of miscellany that I'm a little late in sharing: A few weeks ago I got a text from Jessica, whose house was the first playgroup we attended here.  It was very strange, out of the blue: "Are any of you allergic to poison ivy?"  I replied, "Not that I know of.  Why?"  She said, "I just found Delaney's crab in a patch of it."  I let out a whoop of joy, thanked her (and silently St. Anthony) and within a short while Crabby and Snappy were reunited.  Delaney was very ho-hum about it -- I guess she'd already moved on -- but it makes me smile to see the two of them sitting on her bed.  Sometimes it's the little things that bring you the most joy.  And yes, I realize sometimes the little things become way too big of a deal.

When the conditions are just right -- me, him, the couch, his Wuddy (Lovey) and his thumb -- he'll snuggle up with me.  It's the best!

Another thing I'm happy to share -- my bubba is already nighttime potty trained!  It took a couple years and a whole other process to get the girls nighttime trained, but he already keeps his pull-up dry 99 times out of 100 on his own, less than two months after daytime potty training.  I'll use up this last package of pull-ups I have, and then I'm done buying those too.  For the first time in seven years, no diapers or pull-ups.  Imagine that.

First day of school

Today was the girls' first day of school -- 2nd grade for Delaney and kindergarten for Annie.  They go to a public charter school that is only in its second year of operation and doesn't have one building yet to house all the grades.  They will be building a new one this year, but for now they still use two buildings that are several blocks away from each other.  One is for kindergarten and 1st grade, and the other is for all the rest.  So last night and this morning I was studying Google Maps making sure my route was all planned out and I was ready for two carpool lines in the morning and in the afternoon.  I did not want to be the one driving the wrong way down a street and messing everyone else up.  It was a big day for all of us.

I woke up extra early so I could have time to make muffins and drink coffee in peace and collect myself.  A half hour later the day began with a bang for the kids when Timmy fell out of his bed and started crying.  Everybody was up and it was just as well since I was about to have to go wake them all up anyway.

Once we were all ready to go I had them go out front and pose for pictures.  No signs this time.:(  I just didn't get around to it this time but I think that's OK.

Drop off went pretty smoothly.  I went to Delaney's building first because I would be walking Annie in today. Delaney hopped out smiling after giving me my requested hug.  Then we drove a few blocks over and parked to take Annie in.  Annie was very quiet by now.  She didn't say a word, but for days I've suspected that she's having a lot of anxiety about starting school.  She's been picking her myriad mosquito bite scabs until they bleed, and picking on her siblings even more mercilessly.  I've tried to talk to her about it a few times but to no avail.  She does not want to talk about her feelings with me.  As the three of us walked toward the entrance of her school, with camera at the ready I said, "Annie."  She turned around and I snapped this picture.

I really felt for her in this moment when I saw the wariness of her expression and her body language that I know so well.  The way her hand is right there .. she holds her hands like that when she's determined not to appear afraid.  My brave little Annie.

Annie wanted nothing to do with posing for pictures by now, but I just couldn't resist taking a couple more once we got inside the building.  She found her classroom because she recognized the wall outside with the tree and all the names.  We had just been there a few nights before for open house.

Once we got inside I reminded her to hang up her backpack and put her lunch in her cubby, just like the note the teacher had given me during open house had told me.  Then after saying hi to her teacher I asked if I could take a picture of the two of them.  It didn't turn out so well.

After that I gave her a hug which she received as still as a statue, told her to have a great day, and left.  I know she'll be just fine after she's had some time to warm up to everybody.  It was the same day last year with Pre-K.  That was three mornings a week and I think it took a couple months before the teachers started telling me she was coming out of her shell and playing with the other kids.  Maybe it will happen quicker now that she's there seven hours a day Monday through Friday?  I hope so.  Oh Annie, what will we do with you, child..?

Back at home that morning I have to say I really savored the peace and quiet that reigned over the next several hours.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing something wrong when I see them behave the way they do.  I read a lot of blogs and they all paint a much rosier picture of home life and sibling relationships than what is my reality.  I know I could just post those pretty pictures from this morning and hide the reality, buuut I try to keep myself honest because I want to be able to look back one day and remember how it really was, the good and the bad.  There is just a lot of fighting around here.  It ranges from minor squabbles over stuff to all-out hair-pulling and biting (that's what they accuse each other of, although I have yet to find tooth marks on anyone or catch anyone in the act).  It's mostly Annie and Timmy, but sometimes involves Delaney, and usually Annie starts it.  Lately it has reached a fever pitch.  I've been putting people in "opposite ends of the house" and timeout quite a bit.  I've been praying for wisdom to know what to do.  When they get along things are wonderful, they're the best of friends and life is good.  But when they fight it's miserable.  Even still Timmy missed them both a lot today.  He told me several times, "I want Duwaney and Annie to come home now."  Absence makes the heart grow fonder.  I told him we'd go get them after his nap.

Pick up went smoothly enough but it was a lot more time-consuming than drop-off.  I still have yet to figure out exactly the right time to leave the house and the perfect route to take.  I left the house at 2:30, got in line at a little after 3 after taking one wrong turn, and she got in the car at 3:25.  I watched her for a long time before she saw I was there.  She looked hot and tired.  She didn't even notice when I was in front of her, and the teachers saw my car tag and called for her.  When she got in the car she seemed to be in a daze and I thought this day must have been like "shock and awe" for her.  By 3:30 we were in line at Delaney's building, and Delaney got in the car at 3:40.  Other than being hot and tired she seemed happy enough.  Timmy got pretty bored sitting in the car all that time, and I was grateful that all this waiting around in the car takes place AFTER I've had my nap and my afternoon cup of tea. 

So that was day 1 of many to come.  I have high hopes for this school year.  I've heard so many good things about this school from the people who sent their kids last year, and I think it's a great opportunity for our kids.  I look forward to telling you more about it.:)

I did not sign up for this.

In my last Day in the Life I complained about how Delaney was sitting down to homework for what felt like forever every night, and it was getting to be very frustrating for us both. I was nagging her from the minute she got off the bus until sometimes long after the dinner dishes had been cleared away, and it was not fun.  I decided something had to change.

I finally met with Delaney's teacher a few weeks ago, and we had a nice long talk.  I needed to share my concerns, which were: 1) It was taking her about an hour-and-a-half to complete homework, which typically includes a math worksheet, spelling worksheet, 20 minutes of reading, filling out the reading log, and answering the comprehension question of her choice.  2) I was worried that she would be turned off to the fun of reading and journaling, since the comprehension questions were like torture to get her to do.  3) All the time spent doing homework was leaving her no time to play, and it was stressing me out.  Particularly painful were the nights we had our one and only extracurricular -- at the moment, gymnastics for her and Annie.  Then it was even harder to figure out how to get everything done and still get her to bed at a reasonable hour, which in our house is before 8.  I did my best to convey all this to Miss D without sounding too negative.  That was a hard line to walk.  Believe me, I stressed out about this meeting for days in advance because I needed to let her know about these issues we were having, but I did not want to be demanding or hostile or anything like that.  I think in my email asking for the meeting, I asked if we could maybe try to "find solutions together."

Meanwhile I researched to the best of my ability how much homework should be expected for a first grader (more as a reassurance to me than anything).  A Google search turned up a lot of expert opinions that validated my feeling that she was getting too much.   The "rule of 10" -- 10 minutes per grade level -- came up repeatedly.  I found this great blog post that made me feel a whole lot less crazy.  That post, along with all the comments on it, articulated so well the irksomeness of a heavy homework load for a young kid, and why it is not a good thing.  But again, I had no plans to storm her classroom and tell her all my Internet findings, and demand change.  Tim and I talked at length about what the goal of this meeting should be, what I should ask for, what could make the homework go better -- because we're not going to change her policy.  So I showed up to our meeting with all of that in the back of my mind, and also just praying, please God, don't let me mess this up, don't let this conversation be awkward and horrible, and please, let it be productive.

I am so glad I sat down with Miss D.  I was already impressed with how much Delaney was learning in her class, and I could already see how hard she (the teacher) was working.  But as we were talking I really saw how much heart she puts into her job of teaching these kids.  She works with each student wherever they happen to be and tries to push them to the next level.  Delaney currently reads at level 'k', which I think is third grade, so she wants her at 'l' by the end of the year.  To get there Delaney needs to get better at those comprehension questions, which at the time she would only stare at like a deer in headlights.  Those things really threw me for a loop, so we dedicated several minutes to talking about them in this meeting.  There are about 50 of them at various levels, and I believe one of them incorporates the phrase "critical thinking", which I'm sure I didn't see until at least 8th or 9th grade.  But I guess those were dumber times!  I learned that Miss D and the other teachers had had to make the questions up as a way to comply with the new standards.  I honestly didn't understand half of what she told me because she talked quickly and used a lot of big words.  But I could appreciate how much pressure she was under from people way above her pay grade and how hard she was working to get the kids to where the state is telling her they need to be.  She suggested we could have her do three questions a week instead of four, and maybe nudge her up to four when she was ready.  I was happy with that plan.  Not super happy, but I knew it would relieve the pressure a little bit.  I explained to her that I too wanted to see Delaney pushed and challenged. I am just trying to find some balance between that and family life, play time, and other activities.  As it is, we hardly do any activities, and I'm amazed at the families who are juggling multiple kids with their extracurriculars, two parents working, and still managing to get their kids through this marathon of 1st grade homework every night!  But I did not say that last part, only the part about wanting to have balance.  She definitely seemed to understand that and she agreed that homework should not be a burden for first graders and their families.  She was more than willing to work with me and it was far from being an awkward conversation.

I won't go too much more into the nitty-gritty of what we talked about, because this is already turning into a wordy post.  I proposed to her the idea that Tim and I had come up with, which is we get a kitchen timer and everything has a limit.  When the timer goes off everything gets put away whether it's done or not.  I said, "And if we have to put it away without it being done, then she has to face the consequences?  Speaking of which..?"  And that led to a discussion about what, if any, repercussions there were for incomplete assignments.  Miss D explained that since not all students have a home environment where adults are on hand for help, she doesn't believe it would be fair for her to have consequences.  A-ha!  This must have been a huge part of my frustration all along.  I'M the enforcer!  I remember as a kid the biggest reason to get it done was because I knew I'd have to face the music the next day otherwise.  Oh, the guilt!  The disappointment in my teacher's eyes because she expects better from me!  And having to stand next to her at recess instead of playing.  Any one of these things was more than enough reason for me to get everything done without much prompting from my mother.  She might remember it differently, of course.  Miss D was in full agreement with my plan, as she's a big believer in timers herself.  She also encouraged me to update her regularly on how it was going, and let her know any other suggestions I might have.  She said, "When a kid is always getting it all done, and done well every day, I never know there are any problems."  Good point.

I had no idea I had so much to say about Delaney and her homework, but it's good that I put it all down so that I have it for future reference.  Since the meeting, that portion of the day still takes awhile but it is less frustrating, and not because we've been sticking 100% to the timer.  I think Delaney's attitude may have improved, but I can't pinpoint why.  She doesn't drag her feet as much.  My attitude is different too.  I feel better having had the talk with her teacher, and I also know that since it's the end of February, we are on the downhill side of this school year.  Next year will be something new and hopefully different.  More on that another time.  I am still inwardly shaking my head at math assignments that are more like art assignments to my detail-oriented little girl.  She will patiently draw 25 little cats with eyes and whiskers when instructed to "show her work."  The spelling word pyramids drive Delaney nuts, and who can blame her now that she's spelling words like educate and sentence.  At Miss D's suggestion, I wrote all her comprehension questions on craft sticks and placed them in a little cup for Delaney to draw one and then set her timer.  I have some misgivings about Delaney having to "beat the clock" as she writes out her answer.  But I remind myself that this IS working, and the object here is for her to prove in writing that she understands what she read.  It doesn't need to be a masterpiece.  She'll get more proficient as time goes on, but this really jump-starts her into doing it as opposed to staring at it for 15 minutes.

Delaney still needs me to stay close by, usually sitting right next to her while she completes assignments.  She needs help understanding questions sometimes, and she needs me to refocus her when her attention starts to wander.  If my attention wanders, hers does too.  I can't help but continue to think of it as OUR homework instead of hers.  This requires me to be proactive with dinner planning and prep, and to be adept at finding ways to keep the other kids occupied and out of our hair.  Lately Annie's been wanting to work on phonics workbooks (which is awesome), but she needs a lot of help with that too, so it's back-and-forth between the two of them, and then Annie's work sounds a lot more interesting to Delaney than her own, she gets distracted again, so it's always interesting.  Then Timmy's at the table, then on the table, and it's a three-ring circus.  Sometimes I can fend him off, other times not.  On a good day there is still enough daylight left when her homework is done for all of them to spend outside playing in the ditches.  (Are anyone else's kids not happy unless they're covered in dirt?)  The daylight hours are getting longer again too, and that will be a good thing.  This is the reality I live with, which although far from what I consider to be ideal, is manageable.  Somewhat.

Tick-tock-tick-tock

Annie at Pre-K

Annie is very happy to be back at school.  She's had to wait a long time after Delaney's first day -- 9 days.  She kept asking about when she would get to go to school, and today was finally the day.

We went to the school's open house this past Friday.  We were the first to arrive.  Annie was very bashful when her teachers greeted her.  This year she has Mrs. Ann who was Delaney's pre-k teacher too, and Ms. Titi whose real name is Kristy but the kids named her Titi.  The teachers invited her to look at any one of several stations -- blocks, play kitchen, doll house, books, coloring, or a few others.  At first she just stood there uncertainly, but finally she sat down with Titi at the bead table.  While they sat there stringing beads, Ms. Titi asked her a few questions now and then but was mostly quiet.  I think that helped put Annie at ease.  When grownups are super chatty with her she just shuts down.   Before we left, Titi asked her for a hug and she gave her one.

The emphasis is still on playing, even as they prepare her for kindergarten.  I think that's a good thing.  I believe in the saying that a kid's play is their work.  Soon enough they'll be spending all day at school and then having 45 minutes of homework at night (Delaney!).  

12 kids in the class and only 3 are girls.

This morning was her first day of school.  At breakfast she was excited about going on the swings and not needing any of the teachers to push her.  She is so proud of herself for that.  It tickles me.  She loves that she can do something her big sister can't.  I snapped some pictures of her at our house with my lovely homemade sign I did all by myself at the last minute.  The fact that I had the markers and paper out at 8 in the morning is probably why I forgot to bring the snack that it was our turn to provide for the class.  I had to go back and get it, and that meant I could not go running today.  (Alright, it was an excuse.  I COULD have gone running, but the house was a mess and there were other things that needed to be done in the remaining hour-and-a-half before I needed to go back to get Annie.  Better luck getting it together on Friday!)

I took one more before we walked into the building.

Here she is on her first day last year.  She looks so small and unsure of herself.

And here she is being walked to the car three hours later by Ms. Titi.  (Calling a teacher "Titi" -- that's going to take getting used to.)

Here's how our conversation went after I picked her up:

Me:  Did you have fun at school?

Annie: Yes.

Me:  What did you do?

Annie:  I played on the playground and swinged on the swings.

(Later at home)

Me:  What was the first thing you did when you got to school?

Annie:  Someone painted my hands red and blue.

Me:  And then what did you do?  Did you make hand prints all over the classroom?

Annie:  No.  Then I washed it off.

Me:  Did you play at any of the stations?

Annie:  I played with the dollhouse.

Me:  Who did you play with?

Annie:  Abigail -- I played with Abigail with the dollhouse.

Later she retrieved the self-portrait she'd made that day, from the car:

She goes on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for three hours.  I think she's going to have a great year.

1st week of school

Tim made her cute little sign.  

First week of school is done.  Phew.  It was a bumpy start this year.

I loved getting away on a vacation the week right before school, and I wouldn't go back and change a thing,  but .. it turns out that it would have made life a little easier had we gone to the school's open house which took place during that week.  At the open house, parents filled out some important forms, and they also received the teacher's supply list.  At the top of the paper the list is written on, it says to drop the supplies off on the day of the open house.  But that list was not mailed to us before the open house.  It ended up coming home with Delaney on the first day.  That was annoying.  We had used the generic 1st grade list provided on the school's website to do our last minute shopping trip the weekend before.  Her teacher's list was a lot different, and some of the items on it could not be found anywhere.  I've been out and back to several stores looking for things like marble composition books.  And I've experienced a lot of confusion because many of the things I've sent in have been coming back to me in her backpack untouched.  The start of kindergarten seemed to be a lot more organized and less hectic.

It was tough having to get her up at 10 after 6 again.  The bus still picks her up around 7 and drops her off in the afternoon around 3:15.  She already has homework, even though it's review for right now.  We also have to read books together every night.  Delaney is a great reader, but it's hard to get her to do anything when she's in a terrible mood.  She gets plenty of sleep but she's not a morning person, and I think she's just going to need some time to get used to school days again.  I can't blame her for that as we've all been trying to get over our "summer hangover", as Tim put it.  There were times she just collapsed on the floor and cried her eyes out.

Tim didn't go back to work until Wednesday, and I was really glad to have him there to help get Delaney back on track.

Toward the end of last school year, I found it easier to just leave at 7:30 and drive her to school in the morning, and I believe I'll start doing that again.  This way she gets a little more sleep since she doesn't have to get up until around 6:45.  Tim and I disagree a little on this.  He thinks that if I drive her to school, I'm letting her determine the routine since that's what she'd rather do.  Furthermore, if the school provides a bus, why use our own gas to get her there?  Another thing that just occurred to me is that if Delaney gets up later, she'll be missing that time in the morning with Tim before he goes to work, and his days can be very long.  He is also better at dealing with them in those first few minutes, and motivating them to complete their chores (if Delaney's up, Annie is too).  If they sleep until 6:45, Tim will already be out the door and I'll be on my own.  But I did it on my own last year and it was fine.  I also pack her lunch and pick her clothes every night, so that's always done.

On the other hand, her school is a seven-minute drive away, but her morning bus ride is almost an hour.  An hour on the bus to go to a school that's just a few miles away seems excessive to me, and makes her day unnecessarily long.  Once we start extracurriculars, those could be VERY long days.  My neighbor says she's going to start driving her son to school after daylight savings time starts (or ends?), because that's when she starts having a hard time getting him up.  But I see no reason to wait that long if I already know that taking her to school is the better option.  As far as time with Tim in the morning .. hmm.  As long as he's home for dinner most nights, they'll have enough time together.  We gave the morning bus a try this week, and now I think I'll start driving her next week.  I'm still happy with her afternoon bus ride since she's one of the first stops, and because I don't have to interfere with naptime.  The new bus stop is about a stone's throw from our driveway, which is a bonus this year.

Her eczema is starting to flare up again just like I knew it would with increased time spent outdoors in the heat and humidity and less time in the pool.  But she gives me a hard time when I want to put the prescription cream on before school.  I'm trying to help and prevent it from getting as bad as it got in the spring, a scaly mess of broken and red skin on the backs of her knees.  She tries to evade me and half the time the she leaves the house with no moisturizer on her legs.  I put a jar of it in her backpack, but I tried that last year too, and she never remembered to do it.  I made a note about it to her teacher just so she's aware (like if she notices Delaney scratching a ton), but I wouldn't expect the teacher to remind her.  She has enough going on as it is.  How do I get Delaney to take some responsibility for her own skin care?  She starts soccer again in a couple weeks, and I'd hate to watch her have another season of standing on the field itching and barely participating.

Yesterday she got off the bus and started running with a big smile on her face.  It was so nice to see.  She told me that they'd celebrated her birthday at school that day.  She'd gotten to eat a cupcake and pick something out of the treasure box.  She waved her little plastic butterfly excitedly.  ".. And tonight is movie night!  It's the best day ever!"  I'd been holding my breath every day waiting to see which Delaney would get off the bus -- grumpy, happy, or just OK -- so it was a breath of fresh air to see her so joyful.

And now the long weekend begins.  We'll do some shopping at the big mall in Durham and get her some running shoes she can wear with socks.  She hated the cute closed-toe Keen-like sandals I got her this past spring that I thought would be perfect.  Her feet sweated in them.  Annie got a pair like them and her feet sweated too and got super stinky.  Those two have the sweatiest feet around.  I can't buy them those Croc ballet flats anymore either.  Flipflops, completely open sandals, or shoes with socks, those are the options.  We all need some new things so we're going to make a day of it.  It's daunting, but we did it last fall and survived.

Last day of school

[Those of you who get these posts emailed might not see there's a video.  Click over to the blog to watch it.]

Soaked from head to toe and now a first grader!

Annie at 3 1/2

The three months since Annie's last update have been good, I am glad to say.  Back in August I recall I had mainly three worries about Annie: mood swings, constipation and how she would handle preschool.  At the moment I don't have any concerns about her.  She is a sweet, affectionate and funny, sometimes strange little girl who makes us smile more often than not.

The things that stand out most about Annie to me right now are her mostly grammatically correct sentences spoken in the cutest little voice ever, and her budding sense of style.  The latter she did not get from me, that's for sure.  I wouldn't think to put multicolored stripes and houndstooth together, but Annie doesn't think not to.  And it suits her.

As far as mood swings go and "Sweet Annie vs. Terrible Annie", I have seen a lot of improvement.  Her worst isn't as bad as it was, and it isn't as frequent.  I'm not sure why this is.  Maybe she's benefiting from having Delaney at school all day and not having to compete with her as much.  When the flare-ups happen, they usually happen after Delaney gets home.  Come to think of it, when the flare-ups happen, they are just as much her sister's fault as her own.  At that point in the day they're both tired and hungry.  Maybe her two mornings a week at preschool, which allow her to spend a few hours with her peers away from us, are also helping.  Maybe she was just going through a phase that she needed some time and growth and development to get through.  Maybe all of the above.  Whatever it is, we are all benefiting from a more mild-mannered Annie.

More about preschool:  She goes two days a week from 9 to 12.  She has 9 classmates and two teachers.  She has never cried at drop-off time, not even in the beginning, but it took her awhile to get comfortable.  For several weeks she was silent from the time I left her at the classroom door to the time I came back to get her. One day I came back to find one of her teachers completely frazzled because of an incident involving Annie. "You've got to get her to start talking!" she told me.  She went on to explain how Annie had silently endured the harassment of another student -- I don't recall exactly what the kid was doing, but he wasn't keeping his hands to himself and he was making her uncomfortable.  They happened to notice it and make him stop.  I was shocked to hear this and said, "This is not at all how Annie is at home.  She talks all the time.  She harasses her brother and sister!"  I was also told that Annie was not eating her snack at snack time.  She was just sitting there.  I know how my Annie likes to eat so I'd ask her about it and she'd say, "I was too tired."  The teachers seemed to think that she would warm up eventually, and I waited and hoped.

A few months later I would say she's enjoying school a lot more.  She is interacting with the other kids now.  She mentions conversations she has with them, although I think she is still content to observe for the most part.  She is always telling me about Kenny Lee, the boy who is always getting into trouble.  Her teachers tell me she's eating her snacks now, as of the last month or so.  When I'm waiting in line at the classroom door, I can see her in the circle at the back of the room dancing with the other kids to the goodbye song.  Her teachers often tell me she's had a good day.  I've observed a change in her in other settings as well.  When we go to someone's house she's more likely to leave me alone and go play with the other kids.  It used to be she either stuck to me like glue or picked a spot, like a rug, to sit on and stayed there the whole time.  I am so glad to see her having fun and coming out of her shell.

Lovey is in a vacuum sealed bag on a high shelf and has been for well over a couple months.  There was one last scare where I thought we'd lost it and then I was like, "That's it."  I had to put Lovey somewhere safe because at that point it meant way more to me than it did to her.  I was going to be the one brokenhearted if that thing never turned up again because it is such an important piece of her babyhood.

Annie still naps every afternoon for a couple hours.  Sometimes she asks me to clean off her toes before she'll go to sleep.  That's because when she wears Crocs or another pair of mary jane style shoes without socks all morning, her toes are all grimy when I ask her to take them off and get in bed.  I get a wet washcloth and clean her toes, and she says, "Don't forget to clean inside."  She means between the toes.  I do and she laughs and laughs, and I say, "Annie, you only made me do that because it would tickle, didn't you?"

I never knew anyone who loves to be tickled as much as she does.  Often she'll say to one of us, "Tickle me and squeeze me."  Then she laughs, shrieks, writhes and giggles until she's breathless.  It looks like pure torture, but when we stop she says, "Again."  We get tired of tickling her long before she gets tired of being tickled.

She is the worst eater of all our kids, and that's not saying much because they are all bad eaters.  It's amazing to me how healthy she is, considering that she eats only two food groups -- beige foods and raisins.  Thank goodness for the raisins that keep her regular.  If she decides she doesn't like them anymore, I'll have to resort to hiding powders in her food and drink again.  

She's turning into a great big sister to Timmy.  If I have to leave them at Play Date or at the child watch room at the Y, I tell the people working there, "Annie's a good helper.  She'll help you take care of Timmy."  And she does.  She follows him around and plays with him.  He's so much happier with her around.  I love to see the relationship between the two of them developing.

I just remembered that it's been a year since Annie spent the night in a hospital with breathing problems.  That was a crazy tough couple days.  I was remembering as we were driving to the Ball, how I followed the ambulance down those same streets, and how she, Timmy, and I all spent the night and next day together in that itty-bitty hospital room.  It's still hard to believe she ever got sick enough to make a doctor think she had RSV or pneumonia.  She hasn't had a single wheezing episode since so God willing, we've seen the last of it.  I still have the inhaler and a couple refills in case.

One last thing:  I know this is supposed to be just an Annie post, but I have news about Annie and her sister both.  They are officially nighttime potty trained!  Back in May, I posted about my frustration with the nighttime wetting, the new cloth training pants, and the constant laundry being generated by both.  Did that really happen only six months ago?  That same month, we began taking them to the potty every night about 10 p.m.  By August, they were both dry the majority of mornings, to the point where the occasional wetting was a real shock because it had been so long since the last.  We stopped using the training pants at least three or four months ago.  Then in the last month or so, Tim stopped making Delaney go when she didn't want to go in the middle of the night.  (By that point, it had become exclusively Tim's job to take them.).  She was dry in the morning.  Then he decided over a week ago to not bother taking either of them before he went to bed.  They've been dry every morning since!  The cloth training pants are in a stack in Timmy's closet waiting for it to be his turn.  They don't know because I don't want to make a big deal out of it (other than an occasional "good job!"), but I am very happy and proud of them both.