Merry Christmas!

It's the fifth day of Christmas. Tim is at work, school is on break, and Timmy's at a friend's house from school. A couple of us are still in pajamas. At least once I'm going to order the kids outside for fresh air and exercise, and nag them to read a book. Someone will be taking the dog for a walk (most likely me). I'll be calling Annie back to the kitchen to clean up her baking mess. I've got a to-do list, but it feels like I have all the time in the world to do it. My cleaning schedule has gone by the wayside, but occasionally a dirty toilet or floor will spur me into action. I'm describing the typical day in the life of 2020. But unlike the endless tedium of spring (two weeks, they said!), I can really savor and appreciate this break because I know I only have a week more of it. When things start back up, it's going to get busy around here quick.

Grace told me she thinks Christmas is a good time for me to update my blog. So it is. This one is for you, Grace.

We went to Mass Christmas Eve at 4:00, and then watched A Christmas Story together after dinner. We managed to get all of them to bed at a decent hour, in particular Joey, who had been reminded probably a dozen times by his siblings how important it is to get to sleep so Santa can come.

In the middle of the night I heard Joey climbing into bed with us and telling Tim, "Santa came! And he gave us lots of presents! And he ate the cookies, and the carrots, and drank the milk." I thought, uh-oh, he might not go back to sleep now. But thank goodness he did.

Eight-thirty saw Tim rounding the kids up for the obligatory tree picture, while I got my first cup of coffee. Then I held the phone so Tim Sr and Carolyn could watch them open their presents on FaceTime. It did not even occur to me to take pictures of them opening their presents as I held the phone, sipped my coffee, and watched through bleary eyes. 

Once the kids were done, I opened my presents from Grace. The girls got impatient watching me because I took too much time removing the paper and admiring the boxes they were in. They laughed at me, but hey, I enjoy the packaging too, especially when I can save and reuse it. She gave me some comfy clothes, which I love and can never have too much of. Then--surprise, surprise--a present from Tim. We had agreed not to give each other any. I said, "Oh boy, I thought the new kitchen was my present!"

You guys, it was an electronic fly swatter! When those pesky kitchen flies come back, I'll be ready. And if a fly should happen to land on anyone's head, well, you know I've gotta do what I gotta do! Zap.

But that wasn't all. There was more. Inside another box were ping-pong balls, paddles, and a net. What did I need these for? Tim told me to take it all upstairs, and I did, leading a procession behind me. In front of the window in the FROG was a ping-pong table that Tim and Delaney had made for me after I made a comment some weeks back about how much I used to enjoy playing ping-pong in my grandma's basement. I was delighted. With my comfy clothes and ping-pong, I need never leave the house.

Here are some photos of the rest of our lazy Christmas Day.

Delaney with two of her gifts: a new Patriots shirt and a Child Chia Pet

Annie got a stand mixer from Grandma and a donut pan and sprinkles from Auntie Kathy. She put both to good use.

The day after Christmas, Tim and I headed out to pick up a TV stand for the FROG, that Tim had found on Facebook Marketplace. When we got to the seller's home, she told us she was moving to Washington State and wanting to get rid of all kinds of stuff. She just didn't like posting the ads and having to deal with all the messages. She asked us if we wanted any more furniture for our FROG, and I said I'd take a look while Tim and her son loaded the TV stand into his truck. That furniture wasn't something that would work for us, but when she told me her outdoor furniture was for sale, my eyes lit up. New outdoor furniture had been on my list for some time, but not really a high enough priority. It's always so overpriced. Her stuff was from Lowe's like ours, but it was prettier in my opinion, and two of the chairs rock. We ended up taking the whole set, rug included, for $50. Tim made it all fit in the truck, and I said, "That's why we can never get rid of the truck." What a nice surprise that was! I am spoiled.

This morning, along with some more presents for the kids, some goodies for me arrived from Mom and Anna. Two sets of Trader Joe's white pine hand soap and lotion--one for now and one for next year! The stuff smells divine. Mom gave me this book with a note written inside.

"Dearest, I bought all the copies I could find years ago after I saw one in person. I hope you love it as much as I love you and your family. To your first home with joy. Love, Mom"

"I laughed when I read this again before sending. But hey--you can always dream.💗 P.S. Tim can prepare with grace and you appreciate with gratitude." That is how it goes around here: Tim has much more grace in the kitchen than I do, and I am grateful to eat any meal that I don't prepare.🤣 And I can always dream of the day that the kids will eat our meals with gratitude. Maybe if I wear a flapper dress?

Well, hello there. It's been a minute since I got on here last. I haven't been jumping on here to enumerate my failed resolutions or the times I don't measure up to my own standards, but trust me, there's been a lot of that happening around here. At the same time, I have to look around and see that life has been incredibly good, we have so much to be thankful for, and even that I, personally, am managing to do some things right, even when it feels like I'm just bumbling along. Documenting life here has always helped me focus on that better, but strangely enough, I rarely find myself wanting to do that. This crazy year has had me diving deeper into my faith; and it seems that where I used to find myself with lots to share, now I find myself with almost no words. With whatever time I have free, all I want to do is listen, read, contemplate, and absorb. I'm like a bottomless pit needing to be filled with everything good, beautiful and true in the face of all this uncertainty.

Yesterday was Joey's 5th birthday. After I dropped Timmy off at school, I was sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast when my bedroom door opened, and he came out (he always winds up in our bed by morning). He stood there all disheveled and sleepy because he gets out of bed before he's actually awake. I looked over and said, "Happy birthday, love!" He gasped and said, "I'm five!" Then he ran to me and launched himself into my arms. After I set him back down he asked me if he'd grown, and I told him he definitely had. The magic of going to bed four years old and waking up the next morning five!

He was fake sleeping because I wanted this picture and he won't nap except in the car or at church; even still I'm amazed at how his face, and all their faces, revert to newborn when they're asleep.

As I always do on their birthdays, I broke out my treasure trove of memories. The night five years ago I went to bed heavily pregnant and exhausted after an emotional day. Feeling the breeze come through my open window, and seeing the branches swaying. Waking up Tim and calling my midwife a few hours later, but trying not to get too excited. My midwife Joanne in her "Midwives help people out" t-shirt. Seeing the kids off at the school bus, frying eggs at the stove, and wondering if, in fact, there would be a baby born that day. Walking into the kitchen triumphantly holding up eight fingers. Laughing with Tim as we walked around our neighborhood, and then getting a couple really good contractions. Pulling the new little one up to my heart, and searching his scrunched-up face for familiar features.

We took the kids to the trampoline park on Sunday, as a special birthday outing. He got to celebrate at school with treats and a new book. Then it was just us later for cake, ice cream, and presents. We got him the next size up bike, and at first he was pretty intimidated by its height, but by the end of the evening he'd taken it for a spin around the driveway. He also got three remote control cars, an assortment of other cars, and some Transformers, all of which have kept him busy playing inside on this cold day. He goes to preschool Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings, and hangs out with us the other two days of the week.

Another thing I've been wanting to share: Tim finished our kitchen transformation right before Thanksgiving. I love how it turned out -- so much lighter and brighter. The cabinets were spray painted professionally, and the old tile was replaced by Brazilian cherry like the other living areas. The backsplash and counters are new, and Tim put in more under-cabinet lighting. He did an amazing job with the pantry too, but I need to clean it up and get it looking good in there again before I take a picture. 

And here are a couple "before" pictures, so you can really see how far we've come. The one change that had the biggest impact -- as in, if we'd done nothing else, we could have gotten by -- was painting the cabinets. Tim keeps finding little nicks in the paint and it's driving him crazy, but I don't look that closely and I still love it. At one point Tim uncovered hunter green paint behind the stove, and it was crazy to imagine the whole room having been hunter green at one point. 

Plan D

 If someone had told me last year what the 2020-21 school year would look like, I just would not have believed it. Of course none of us would have believed any of what's happened the last several months, but this is reality.

I happened to go back and read my last blog post, and it occurred to me that at the end where I mention our very own "Plan D," I never elaborated on what that was. Now that we're about a month in, give or take, I'll do just that. 

So, June and July saw the two of us just hoping for the best, and not even entertaining the idea of the worst. I think that after the fiasco of virtual learning in spring was done, I just wanted to eject that experience from my brain and enjoy the summer. But then began the rumblings of the next school year, the school board polling parents to see how they wanted it to go, and then deciding regardless to go with Plan C, which was all virtual learning, for at least the first nine weeks; and then reevaluate after that. That was a huge disappointment, although truthfully, Plan B, which had also been on the table, wouldn't have been better. That would have had the girls in school one day a week, and Timmy in school two days, with so many stipulations it sounded like a logistical nightmare. With the girls, I could make anything work. But Timmy, whether he knew it or not, desperately needed the structure of the traditional classroom experience, with a teacher to motivate him in person, and other kids his age to be around. He's a bright boy and a good student, but for him, the wheels fell off the virtual learning pretty quickly. It was a draining and disheartening experience. The following text exchange between his teacher and me was fairly typical for the those last couple months of third grade. It makes me sad to look back and remember how such a great school year turned into a complete goat rope. Ms. G loved those kids and worked so hard.  

We called up our Catholic school, St. Paul, and learned that they had room for another fourth grader. We took him to the tour, got him signed up and his uniforms ordered, so grateful to be able to get the boy out of our house and learning again. This happened with maybe a week to spare before the first day of school in mid-August.

As for the girls, at first I thought they would just continue with virtual learning at the middle school. They are organized, dependable, studious, as well as a little more mature than Timmy; and I knew that it wouldn't be a problem for them. I still felt sad for them that their one overlapping year of middle school was to be spent at home. Then I got to thinking about how inadequate remote school had been for Delaney. The teachers kind of gave up because parents and students complained about the workload. Delaney said that as a result they had hardly anything to do. Annie is the only one who had a satisfactory remote learning experience, in my opinion. Her 5th grade teacher was a stickler, and Annie is a perfectionist, so they got on wonderfully. But now Annie would be at middle school, and she and her sister both be spending a gazillion hours online, and neither of them would be challenged enough. First I thought I'd try to supplement their learning with whatever I could come up with. That thought led me to another thought, and I cautiously solicited the girls' opinions one morning at breakfast, about this harebrained scheme I had brewing. If they had been completely negative about it, I would have said "OK," and turned my mental energies to something else. But to my pleasant surprise they were both open to the idea of having our own homeschool experience this year. They both expressed relief at not having to be in and out of Zoom meetings all day.

We did school pictures one day on the porch. Annie curled Delaney's hair, and for whatever reason, she put on a cowboy hat and bandanna for the occasion!

After discussing with Tim, I plunged into the world of homeschooling and curriculum shopping. I asked my sister Anna as well as a couple friends what they were using. Amazingly, they all told me the same thing. Well, for Anna it was what she had used last year, and it wasn't quite going to work for her this year, but to me it still sounded great. It's called The Good and the Beautiful. They have an open-and-go language arts curriculum that is several subjects in one: grammar, reading, writing, geography, and art/art appreciation. All from a Christian worldview. I also chose their history curriculum and a couple of their science units as well. Currently, we're learning about ancient Egypt in history, and mammals in science. I read aloud to them every day at lunch for fifteen to twenty minutes, and we are spending time together and having conversations that most likely wouldn't be happening if they were on their own schedules all day. They're using my mom's old homeschool standby, Saxon, for math, which is also what Anna and my two friends recommended.

Annie's turned out well too! 

I was so nervous at the start of this. I disenrolled them from school, submitted the homeschool paperwork to the State of North Carolina, and then lay in bed that night thinking, What have I done? It would be one thing if they were little kids -- how hard could it honestly be to homeschool two little girls in the younger grades? But these are big girls, middle schoolers, one almost in high school, and I felt barely qualified to teach them. In fact to be honest, I am not qualified to teach them math; I don't remember much of any concepts I learned beyond maybe 5th or 6th grade. Enough to get me by and that's all. But these girls are strong math students, and as I had hoped, they open the book every day, read the lesson and do it, with little or no intervention needed from me. No issues with coming from Common Core math. And I figure there are plenty of online resources out there if I need them. They are handling their language arts courses (which I've been told are advanced) well, which tells me the public schools and DoD schools have been doing a pretty good job with their core subjects thus far. There is a heavier emphasis on spelling and grammar than they've been used to.

The middle school band teacher is graciously including all the homeschool students in her program this year, so there are Zoom meetings for the girls after all, sometimes two a day for each of them. (Two Zooms a day apiece, all four at different times, just for one subject. If I'd kept them at the middle school for everything else, it is highly doubtful there'd be time in the day for me to supplement their learning in any way.) But now there won't be any gap in their skills. Annie is playing clarinet too. Reaching out to the band instructor in the beginning was awkward for me too; I was worried the answer would be a big fat no, not from the band instructor, but from the school -- like you don't get to go rogue and have band class for your kids. But that is not the case at all, and Delaney and Annie aren't the only kids in that boat.

Celebratory ice cream out after Timmy's first day of school

We're also doing a class with the whole family once a week at dinner, called Principles of a Free Market. When one of the kids asked me one day why the government doesn't just print more money and give it to the people who need it (a fair question!), I thought maybe it was time for something like this. I feel like we're being so much more intentional this year with what and how the kids are learning, and it's more effort on our part, but I know it's been a blessing to have the events of COVID shake me out of my complacency. I'm hoping that no matter what the plan is next year, we keep seizing opportunities to shape our kids and impart our values to them.

Back to Timmy for a minute -- I'm so pleased with Catholic school, which we had heretofore not been convinced was worth the expense. He wasn't happy to have to get up early and put on a uniform -- to the point where I didn't bother trying to pose him for a first day of school picture. I just wasn't picking that battle. Mornings are still rough, but we get through it. He leaves the house every day wearing a collared shirt tucked into pants with a belt. There are standards, so it's not just me trying to convince him not to wear holey sweatpants. On Wednesdays they go to Mass, and on that day he wears a button-down shirt and on his feet for once in his life are shiny leather oxfords. He looks so handsome. I attend the school Mass myself, and I see a more energetic side of our pastor as he talks to the kids, and the music teacher plays beautiful music. After Mass we say the Pledge, and the students recite the school mission statement. When he gets in the car every afternoon, he tells me about the football games at recess, quizzes me on things he's learning, and in general seems much happier than he is on the morning drive. Sometimes later on I'll be reading aloud or talking and he'll interrupt to say, "That's one of my vocabulary words!" and then tell me what it means. His teacher reads to them every day, too, in addition to having them read on their own, and I'm so glad. Sometimes kids aren't motivated to read classics on their own, the language looks too quaint to them, and they need to just be able to relax and listen. The current read-aloud is The Trumpet of the Swan by E.B. White, I believe. 

To have some outside reinforcement in raising a child with the Catholic faith is pretty great, too.

I considered sending to Joey to pre-k at St. Paul's too, but I am so sentimentally attached to his preschool, which is the same one the girls went to. He even has the same teacher they did for pre-k, Mrs. Ann. He goes MWF 9-12, so it's a lot of driving to and from for me on those days, between him and his brother. I also volunteer a couple Tuesday mornings a month at Timmy's school library, and there's a lot of catching up to do once I get home. It's worth it, though, to have found a solution for each of them in these crazy times.

I am extra busy this year, and it's about to get busier with soccer starting. I have no problems falling asleep at night. This school year is an adventure, one that I definitely did not want, but we are going to make sure it's worth our while.

An Open Letter of Apology to My Children

Dear Delaney, Annie, Timmy, and (to a lesser extent) Joey,

I owe the four of you an apology -- one that I could probably get away with never saying, but I'll say it nonetheless. 

Several weeks ago, while I was in Cincinnati staying at your grandparents' house, I happened to be chatting next to the pool with your aunts Anna and Grace. Grace was talking about how hard it is to get things done around the house with little kids around (you remember hers are five and two). Anna said to her, "When they get older they'll help you out more." I said, "Mine are older and they're not much help." 

I think you'd all beg to differ, but don't worry, I'll be setting the record straight. I think that if you were ever not much help to me, the fault was never yours. I simply wasn't requiring enough of you, and the blame for that rests squarely on my shoulders. I thought I was doing my job but I was actually neglecting a huge part of it.

You see, I am the proud keeper of a housework schedule, which allows me (as long as I stay on top of it) to keep a 3000-square-foot house reasonably neat and clean at all times. As a stay-at-home mom, making this house a livable home is my responsibility, and it's important for my sanity that there is cleanliness and order. Not only that, I enjoy the laundry and the cleaning, and the feeling of accomplishment that I have when it's done. I really didn't think anyone could scrub a toilet the way I could. I didn't think anyone could push a mop the way I could. But then I would get frustrated at the four of you for messing it up. Worse yet, when the pandemic grounded us all, I resented that you never went anywhere so I could get this house in order! It shames me to admit that. 

I stayed stubbornly set in my ways for weeks, while waiting with bated breath for things to return to "normal." Anytime now, anytime now, I'd say to myself through gritted teeth as my face turned blue. It has since become clear that whatever normal is, we are still a long way away from it. After receiving the news that the public schools have decided to go remote for at least the first nine weeks of the year (but we know it will end up being longer), your daddy and I experienced a few days of turmoil. We had blithely ignored this possibility all summer long, but now here it was, reality knocking at our door. In the end we pivoted to a new course of action: Timmy is attending Catholic school, and the girls will be homeschooled by me for the year. Only Joey will be doing what was originally planned for him -- Pre-K at his same school, three mornings a week. Some of us will be spending even more time at home together. In light of the changes I've implemented this summer, I can look at this prospect with a newfound feeling of gratitude. There were things about my approach to parenting and homemaking that needed addressing, but that might never have happened as long as you stayed in full-time school. 

While you had been doing some chores for years, and have always been responsible for your own rooms, your father said it wasn't enough, and he urged me to get you all doing more. I don't know why I hesitated -- a misplaced feeling of guilt? A lack of faith in you guys' ability? Fear of push-back? The mistaken notion that it's easier just to do it all myself? Maybe all of those things. Whatever the case, I finally came around and started assigning you more work. It turns out he's right about yet another thing.😜 I am finding that not only am I feeling less burdened now that I am divvying up the work among those of you big enough to do it, I am appreciating having you around a lot more. Not only that, since you now have a hand in the vacuuming, mopping, dusting, etc., this makes you stakeholders in our home, as you should have been all along. This is your home too, and I want each of you to take pride in it. Your help with the yard has also been much appreciated by Daddy. And even though Joey can't do much yet, he's learning a lot from your example.

It's far from perfect here; there are days that you've vacuumed, dusted and Bona mopped the living room, but have forgotten to make your own beds. One or two of you may have completed your chores one day, but failed to brush your teeth -- you know who you are. There have been squabbles over who gets to do what, even with it being a list of items to pick and initial, first-come-first-serve. There are still times that decide it's easier to do something myself, knowing full well I ought to delegate it to one of you. We all struggle with the inertia of not having many places to go for many months, and our attitudes have suffered. We're working on it. We'll get there.

With school starting up again under our our very own "Plan D," I'm going to continue to depend on your help around here. It may look a little different than it does in the summertime, but I don't ever want to go back to seeing you all as little house-wreckers. That was very unfair to you. We will all be a little busier as we get into the school year, but I hope we all remember that it doesn't take long to accomplish a lot when we're focused, and that many hands make light work.

Love always,

Mama

Change of Command and Retirement

It was a little low key, circumstances being what they are, but it was a momentous day for us nonetheless. Thanks again to Megan at A Beautiful Moment Photography for capturing this event.

"They" say you want to have the band at the beginning of your command, and at the end. Tim got both; it was a successful command tour. Did anyone doubt it would be? Apparently Tim did. When I asked him a while back why he had no photos or mementos on his desk or anywhere else in his office at the battalion, he told me he didn't want to have to pack a box if he got fired.🙄

Masks and six feet? Not at this ceremony. "Sweet Caroline" could have been the theme song for this event.🤣

I almost didn't include this picture. Too sappy of me. But I remember how, as he was summing up his feelings about his career and all the people who'd made a difference to him, I thought how how the Marines were what brought us together. And it's been a roller coaster, but it's been a good life all in all, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Is this coffee table in our office yet in its appointed spot? No it is not, and for some reason that bothers me a lot more than it does him.

After such a fitting conclusion to 26 years in the Marine Corps, the plan was to enjoy a well deserved summer off, but of course he couldn't just do that. "I still need to find a job!" he'd remind me at least once a day. I'd be like, "Ohmygosh, can you just relax? You're still active duty through September!" A friend drew his attention to a position that would suit him perfectly -- director of the Navy Marine Corps Relief Society on Cherry Point. The start date would be in 30 days, which would allow him to actually enjoy 30 days of summer, so he applied. He was offered the job, which he accepted happily, and then they said, "Yeah, we need you to start next week." So much for summer. Tim heads out the door at the usual time every morning, his gym duffel containing business casual instead of cammies. He never did relax because he spent the couple of weeks between Topsail and his new job working feverishly to complete projects in the house and yard. In case you were wondering how he was liking retirement...😜 

But I am happy for him because now he gets to help Marines and sailors with budgeting and finance, something that he has a real passion for. He wasn't hankering after the government civilian jobs that most retirees around here get. He also wasn't looking to have to commute to a bigger city for the higher paying jobs that some of his peers were pursuing. This job is exactly what he needs: he gets to keep the same daily routine, work out in the same gym, and while the job doesn't pay a huge amount, it is adequate for us. Things could have hardly worked out any better.

Just for fun, here are a few pics from his early days in the Corps. These by no means comprise all the highlights of his career, but they were the best I could come up with, digging through our archives.

Boot camp, Parris Island, 1994

Commissioning in 2000

Promoting his best friend Derek to sergeant, 2001. Tim once told me that the man you can see standing behind Tim gave him a talking to once the promotion was over. Tim had used the heel of his fist to playfully "pound" the new insignia into Derek's collar, which the senior enlisted Marine disapproved of, no matter that he hadn't come anywhere close to drawing blood. 

Iraq, 2003

Pinning on my 1stLt bars in Iraq, along with our friend Andrea, 2005. Yep, he did the same thing to my insignia as Derek's. I'm pretty sure he only did that to his favorites.😉

Our wedding in Grafton, Massachusetts, 2007

Our pictures in the homecoming exhibit at the National Museum of the Marine Corps, Quantico, Virginia. These photos were taken in 2012 when Tim got back from the MEU and met six-month-old Timmy for the first time.