Two Advents ago

Two years ago when I was writing down Joey's birth story, this is where I began it at first -- a full 24 hours before his arrival. But when I started to write it it all just felt too ponderous and long, and I didn't think anyone would hang in to the end if I started it that far back. If I had decided to write his birth story in two parts, part one would have begun at Mass the day before.

I was at 40 + 4 and  I was in a horrible mood. With the first three kids, I had not even come within three days of my due date, so this pregnancy should have been long over as far as I was concerned. I was exhausted, encumbered by my enormous belly which made getting dressed, sleeping, and everything in between difficult. Tim's mom sat in the pew with us for the last time. She had been staying with us since Thanksgiving and she'd be flying back home the next morning. I don't even know if I could adequately convey in words how unbearable it was the last week of carrying Joe. I was embarrassed even to go out in public with this big round belly preceding me everywhere and making people's eyes bug out of their heads. I had recently left the post office and a Marine walking toward me said, "Woah!" I didn't even want to be at church today. I wanted to stay at home and hide, and just throw myself the biggest pity party.

During the petitions, one of the prayers was for expectant mothers. There were only about 20 people in that tiny chapel altogether, so it was obvious they were all praying for me. It was all about me, ha ha. My eyeballs sprang a tiny leak. When the offertory hymn played, I don't remember what it was, but I remember how it hit me square in the feels -- a solemn sounding advent song about waiting and longing. It was getting to be too much. My eyeballs leaked faster, and I quickly soaked a couple of tissues. My face started to grow hot and I realized that I was about to have a full on ugly cry, and once it's coming there's no stopping it. I had to get out of there fast. Rather than rush out alone, I grabbed Timmy so I could pretend it was his bathroom emergency that was propelling me to the back of the chapel. I kept my head down and looked behind me several times to make sure he was following.

I was out in the fresh air and home free, my face crumpling and the snot and tears running. Then I rounded the corner of the building to go to the rear entrance where the bathrooms and sitting room were, and came face to face with someone I knew -- another mom of four on her way back with one of her littles. Looking into her shocked and concerned face I said, "This isn't as bad as it looks!"

She went with me to the back room and there was another mom back there with her kids too. I talked, they listened, they gave me more tissues, they told their own stories, we laughed, I blew my nose a thousand times, and my tears stopped. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from me. I hadn't even known how much energy I had put into bottling up my feelings, and it was such a relief to let it out.

I don't know why such a rough morning turned out to be one of my most cherished memories, but it's what popped into my mind when a member of my bible study shared that she just learned that she's pregnant and thrilled that she'll be spending the rest of Advent pregnant. My sister Grace is due in January, and I wonder if she ever finds herself feeling a little overcome as she sits in the pew hearing those songs and waiting for her own baby boy.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Hi! I'm still here and I'm still pregnant. Right now I'm enjoying a peaceful and quiet couple hours to myself while Tim, his mom, and the kids are out shopping. On another day I might have been inclined to go myself -- Target is 40 minutes away and not something I take for granted -- but this morning what I wanted most was some alone time. Besides we've been to Target every weekend the last month, and I've seen everything they have. Tim was a little hesitant for them all to leave me, but I was like, "It'll be fine here, don't you worry about me."

As soon as they left, I made myself decent and went for a walk. We're back to nice cool temperatures again, and I enjoyed the fresh air. Once I got back I started a load of laundry and then sat down to look through my photos of the past couple weeks and start this post. I miss my blog, but it's so hard to make it a priority anymore. Once Tim and I started watching Breaking Bad, that cut into blogging time in a huge way. We are now a couple episodes into season 4 and as of two days ago we are now paying Netflix customers. I never thought I could enjoy a show about a guy who manufactures meth and gets himself and everyone he knows into all kinds of trouble, but each episode gives me so much to think about. Tim too. He recently updated his insurance policy, and I know that show had something to do with it. It sounds morbid, and it is, but it's also very interesting. It also reinforces the notion that our choices have consequences, not just for ourselves but for everyone around us. Even  -- no, especially -- the people we love, the people we never intended to hurt. Everything has a ripple effect. I have no stomach for shows that have a lot of violence just for its own sake. Like Sons of Anarchy. From what little I ever saw of that show, it just seemed to glorify violence. Breaking Bad has plenty of violence, but also shows the people who inflict it having to suffer. Once we're done with Breaking Bad, we'll see. Will we get ourselves hooked on another series, or will we be done with Netflix?

So, what have we been up to? Tim's parents got here a couple days before Thanksgiving, and then Tim Sr left the following Monday. Carolyn will be here until the 14th. Really hoping there's a baby by then. While they were both here we had a nice Thanksgiving dinner, and then the next day we put up the Christmas tree and all the Christmas decorations. Tim and I also went out to dinner and shopping by ourselves that Saturday night, and it was fun. A delicious dinner at our favorite sushi restaurant and then the outlets by ourselves .. doesn't get any better than that. My back and my feet were KILLING me by the time we got back in the car to head home, but it had been a nice escape. Productive too.

Delaney and Grandma have since graduated to a 500-piece puzzle that has been on that desk for days. I've even taken a turn at it a couple different times, and nearly set my eyeballs on fire in the effort. Couldn't we have had a more gradual progression, maybe with a 100-piece puzzle first?

Tim Sr took this photo of us right before we left for dinner. I look like such a Duggar.

Another thing that happened while they were both here is that three lucky children found out they were the winners of a Disney cruise with Grandma and Grandpa in February! These kids don't even know how good they have it. I am so happy for them. They are going to have a blast. Tim's sister Kathy and her family will go too, so it will be good that they have a little help and aren't completely on their own with our kids.

A little pregnancy update:

Today I am 39 weeks and 3 days pregnant. If I am still pregnant after tomorrow, this will be my longest pregnancy. I had Annie at 39 weeks 4 days. This is already my second-longest. I feel like I will be pregnant forever. I remember back when I was still hoping to get pregnant, and I had a recurring dream in which I was 9 months pregnant, due anytime, but labor never started. After awhile I realized it had all been a dream, and I had never been pregnant. A dream within a dream. That's exactly how I feel, like this has all been a dream and I'm going to wake up anytime. To have an actual baby come out of me? I can't even imagine it. Everyone around me seems convinced it will happen any minute. So surreal. I am due Wednesday. Part of me knows this to be true, but part of me is in disbelief.

Tim and I went to see the midwife in Charleston yesterday. For the last time. Meaning that whether or not I've had the baby by Friday the 11th, we are not doing that drive again. It is just too long to be in the car. She'll have to understand. I had to stop for the bathroom on the way there, and there is nowhere to stop until you get to Charleston. On the way back, as we were driving down the long stretch of absolutely nothing that exists between here and Charleston, I REALLY needed to go even though I had already gone before I left her house. Tim set the cruise control to 67 while the speed limit was 60. He did not notice when the speed limit changed to 50 until the police car he passed turned around to follow us. I ended up needing to wait even longer for the bathroom while we were pulled over, AND then he got an $80 ticket. My big belly did not help our cause. This trip already cost us half a tank of gas, and now $80 on top of it! As well as a flaw on Tim's formerly perfect driving record. Nope, I am not leaving this zipcode again until after I've had a baby. I told him on the way home, "I can't have you driving the speed limit and making this trip even longer." Of course, it was one thing when he thought he was going just 7 miles over the speed limit -- he's not in the habit of going 17 miles over. That was completely an accident. But oh well. No more driving to Charleston for us.

Tim apparently snapped this picture of me at Joanne's. I must have been contracting for my belly to be making that weird shape.

The midwife visit itself was pleasant enough. Joanne (the midwife) and Stephanie (the apprentice) are both convinced that the baby will come very soon. Stephanie, while examining my belly, saw that the baby's head was very low, but wouldn't go so far as to say "engaged" because that's something that usually only happens for first-time moms before labor. For moms of second babies or more, the head doesn't typically engage until the baby is coming. Last week they checked my cervix at my request (cervical checks are not routine for them as they are for most obstetricians and nurse-midwives in hospital settings. This hands-off approach is a big part of why I go to them and not the OBs right down the street from me.). But I wanted one because I was curious as to where I was starting out. They appeared thunderstruck at me actually wanting a cervical check, but were happy for the educational opportunity. They each checked me and discussed their conclusion together. I was 1.5 cm dilated and 50% effaced. I felt satisfied that some change had taken place. I will not ask to be checked again at least until I think I'm in labor, and then I'll have a basis for comparison. Joanne's opinion just from looking at me yesterday was that last week I was not ready at all, but this week I am. I think my complaints of pelvic pain and particularly pubic bone pain probably enforced that. Ligaments are loosening so bones can separate and baby can make his way out. It's really amazing the way nature works. There's so much more to a body than meets the eye.

Here's a picture of me from last week:

And yesterday:

I took the second picture either right before or right after we went to the Christmas tree lighting ceremony at the naval hospital. Later on I saw a picture Tim had taken of the kids with me in the background, my belly sticking out like a giant boob. I'm a little embarrassed knowing that I went around and ran into so many people I knew, so exposed. It's just so big and round and ripe, and that bellybutton in 3D, it's almost indecent. I can almost understand why maternity tops in the past were just tents. I kind of wish I could hide it all under a tent sometimes.

I was a little nervous about whether the kids would get to go to this event, since I'd already told them about it. I spent a few days hoping I would either have the baby before or after, so that Tim and Carolyn could at least take them. There aren't that many things to do around here, even at Christmastime, so it's a big deal when there's something taking place right down the road that advertises bounce houses, a petting zoo, hot chocolate, cookies, and Santa, all for free. But we all made it and the kids had a good time.

The bouncey was a free-for-all for the first hour or so we were there, until someone thought, 'Uh-oh -- SAFETY!' And then two Navy guys were stationed there to limit the number of kids on it and make sure nobody perched on the edge the way the girls are doing here. What was the big deal? We were at a hospital already.

These kids seem to have no awareness or concern about a baby coming. Timmy has had a lot of emotional outbursts that Carolyn and my neighbor think is a sign he knows what's coming and that it means change for him. I don't know.. four-year-olds cry a lot for no reason too. I have to admit, my mind is kind of blown when I think of my baby being a big brother. I'm still the one getting him dressed in the morning and at night, putting him down for his naps and tucking him in at night. The two of us have been cracking up together at Mo Willems books (the Pigeon books -- hilarious!) and then we have a silly ritual that when I described it to Tim, he said, "That doesn't sound creepy at all." It consists of me telling Timmy in mock seriousness, "Close your eyes .. close your mouth .. Shhhh!!.. Time to go to sleep!.. Stay down!" as his giggles rise to a crescendo. He's been the baby the longest, and I have loved every moment. I don't want anything to change between us.

This is a really happy time for our family, getting ready for a new baby and then Christmas. It is joyful, hopeful, suspenseful and a little bit maddening right now, at least for me. I have to keep reminding myself to try to make the most of these last days of us the way we are, because everything will change soon enough. I started out this year trying to cope with the very real possibility there would be no more kiddos for us, and now I'm looking at any day getting to hold the newest one in my arms. I get impatient, especially when I'm feeling exhausted and my back is aching, to just get this over with. At the same time, this is a very easy time for me with Tim and his mom here, and I've been able to take a lot of breaks. Especially today! That's a real luxury. Not to mention sleep, I get a lot of sleep, and we all know that newborns are adorable, cuddly little sleep thieves. Just writing that makes me think -- eek -- I'm not ready. But I am, I think. Soon..

36 weeks

Four weeks to go -- if that. If this little guy wants to be like his siblings, he'll be here in about three weeks. But maybe he wants to be different, and this is going to be the first time I see 40 weeks of pregnancy. It's been known to happen. I really, really hope that doesn't happen because I am now down to weekly visits with my midwife, and it is a lot to be driving 75 miles each way to Charleston.

Physically, I am still doing well, no real complaints -- just usual third trimester stuff like the need to pee every 20 minutes, and not eating as well as I was before. I'll get really hungry, and then only be able to take a few bites of a meal. It's just too much work to try to get things into my stomach. But I'm still gaining. I was 140 at my last weigh-in, so a total of 32 pounds gained so far. I snack a lot on fruit, cheese, almonds, and my "superpower muffins." When I'm on the couch at night watching Breaking Bad (Tim's and my new addiction), I crave Wheat Thins. Apologies to Tim for making the bag rattle while we're trying to hear the show. I am always too hot, and I still have not had much use for the sweaters I thought I'd be wearing at the end of my pregnancy. My Liz Lange maternity tank tops from Target are my go-to, and I am continually messing with the thermostat and turning on fans to try to stay cool. Sleep is still good, and luckily I only need to get up once at most to use the bathroom. I have NO problems falling asleep and staying asleep, and I am enjoying it while I can. I take a nap almost every afternoon too, for anywhere from a half hour to an hour.

I'm still doing my prenatal yoga, and taking walks when it's cool enough and the bugs aren't biting too much. I started seeing a Webster Technique-certified chiropractor about a month ago, and I really like her. I continue to see her even though the baby has been consistently head-down for the last few weeks, and it looks like he's going to stay that way. She found some imbalances in my spine on the first visit, and I have to admit I don't really understand this stuff but I do believe that I give myself the best chance of an easy labor by making sure that my bones are all lined up properly. I always feel so much better when I leave her office too. I was surprised when she adjusted my neck at the first visit too. I hadn't known my neck needed any adjustment, but I was sitting there and she twisted my head first one way -- "crack!" and then the other -- "crack-crack!" I let out a "Whew!" that probably everyone heard. It is the strangest feeling to be first scared to death that your neck is about to be broken, and then relieved and happy because now it feels so much better.

I am slowly but surely getting it together around here like I knew I would eventually.

Our room is looking like a place a baby is going to be born. I've got the pack 'n play set up. I know, it's a pack 'n play and can be set up in about a minute, but we don't have a crib and I really wanted the baby's bed set up. I'm happy to say that the Graco Pack 'n Play has not changed in eight years. But I do like the colors of the new one better -- brown and sage green, and no funky plaid. I've got the glider and ottoman in the corner, and I was very pleased that the upholstery detached and washed up nicely in the machine. I'd been ready to replace the upholstery altogether, but Tim's cooler head prevailed and he suggested just washing it first to see what that would do. I love that chair. I've spent so many hours nursing my babies in that chair, and in a matter of weeks I'm going to be sitting there nursing another! It doesn't seem real. I've gotten almost all the rest of the baby gear that I need, either gently used or on sale at Amazon. I just ordered a changing table. I can't wait to organize all his little clothes, diapers, wipes and whatever else in it. Ah, that will be fun.

My midwife Joanne and her assistant Stephanie came last week for a home visit, and left the birth pool. Tim has already set it up once, and after obtaining the one part that was missing at our appointment yesterday, that's good to go. I've got a basket of supplies that I've put together, some from Joanne's list and some just things I know I want to have. The birth kit arrived the other day, and it's got things like enormous pads, gloves, and other assorted medical type stuff. I just made my "laborade" popsicles today. I remember how much I liked having them when I was in labor with Timmy. The recipe is simple: water, honey, lemon juice, salt, and crushed calcium-magnesium tablets.

My next appointment with Joanne is next Friday, and she has another client who lives in my area who also has an appointment that morning. She and Joanne suggested we carpool, and I wasn't initially keen on the idea. I've kind of gotten in the groove of those long drives by myself, and I like to sing along with the "random" music radio station (random with heavy emphasis on the '80s) and just enjoy my solitude. Who wants to be making conversation for a three-hour roundtrip car ride with someone they've never met? Not this introvert. But then I shrugged and told them if she's interested they can pass on my information to her and she can give me a call. I'll swing by and pick her up, but she'd better be ready bright and early. I have to admit I'm curious about the other person who lives in Beaufort, SC who's giving birth at home. I never meet anyone else like me around here. I know they're out there, but they're like unicorns. There is no LLL here, and no natural parenting community here where I might run into another homebirther. I amused myself for a little while as we all drove home yesterday, imagining what Joanne's other Beaufort homebirth client would be like. "I'm going to drive to the end of a dirt road, and there's going to be a chicken coop, and a bunch of kids and dogs running around.. And she's going to come running out in a long skirt and Birkenstocks, and when she gets in the car she's going to smell like sweat and patchouli and I'm going to have to drive with the windows down.." Tim smirked at me. Then with a cackle I said, "She'll probably be expecting me to show up in a Volkswagen bus! With a dreamcatcher hanging from the rearview mirror!" I do crack myself up.

My wonderful neighbors are throwing me a baby shower, and that's this Sunday. This baby boy and I are really lucky! I will be taking my girls with me. Tim, to his everlasting relief, is not invited. We are old school here, and don't believe men have any business at a baby shower.

As the time for baby number 4's arrival gets closer, you know who I'm excited for (besides myself)? Tim. He was on a ship from the time I was five months pregnant with Timmy to when he was six months old. It blows my mind still to think of how much he missed out on. We made the best of it and I sent him tons of pictures and videos. I remember him telling me that the girls when they were babies had had no use for him until they were six months old anyway. But he did get to snuggle lots with them when they were newborns, before they had realized they had no use for him. So the last newborn he snuggled was Annie. And the last time he saw a belly this full of baby was Annie. The last time he was there for a birth was Annie's. I'm just so grateful that he will be there every step of the way this time around.

Maternity Pictures

My friend Kim of On the Move Photography graciously offered to take maternity pictures of me, and who was I to refuse? I never got maternity pictures with my other pregnancies, unless you count the time I went to the studio at Babies 'R Us when I was pregnant with Annie. (And no, we won't count it because it was very bad and very ugly. The memory of it embarrasses me.) She drove me out to the ruins of an old church some 35 minutes away, as soon as the kids had gotten on the bus one morning. Here in the south we have no fall foliage, but I think the gorgeous colors of those old bricks made up for that. It is very difficult for me to have pictures taken of myself by myself, and therefore I was probably one of Kim's most awkward subjects ever -- like, 'What do I do with my hands? (I stuck with the above-and-below-the-belly position, mostly.) What do I do with my face?' At one point she told me, "Alright, look over at me and smile .. OK, that looked painful, look back over there!" She did the best she could with me, we had a lot of laughs, and despite my nerves I ended up having fun. I think she did a great job of capturing me in my 'elderly multigravida' glory. (Yes, that's the actual medical term for me -- I saw it on my chart at the OB office. It's quite a distinction.) In a matter of weeks, Kim will be taking pictures of our baby boy and of all the kids together. Wow..

Can you spot the pregnant lady in the church ruins? Tee-hee.

Toward the end of the session I put on this cardigan and swapped out the scarf for this necklace. I like the first outfit better. But the real reason I include this picture is because it best shows my nails, which I painted the night before just for this occasion. I love the way they look, but I find the process of painting them inside the lines and then waiting impatiently for them to dry so frustrating. Then it all chips off a day later anyway! But here in this picture they will last forever.:)

32 weeks

I am at the point where I am turning heads everywhere I go, and little kids are staring and saying to their mothers, "She's having a baby!" That's right, kiddo. In 8 more weeks, or even less.

So far, all pictures of me with child, with this child, have all been mirror selfies at home. I'm happy to say that after next week I'll have something different. My friend Kim down the street asked to take maternity pictures to build her portfolio. I said of course! At first she told me she would like to do them in November, but this morning she asked if I was available sometime next week. She must have sized me up and decided she'd better not wait much longer! We're going to do it Tuesday right after the kids get on the bus, so the sun is still coming up. I'm already thinking about what to wear. I'm glad we'll be doing it in the morning when it will be cool enough to wear layers.

I took Tim with me to my 30-week visit with Joanne the midwife. This was his first time meeting her, since my appointments usually happen when he's traveling. I had bloodwork done, and we talked about the OB appointment I'm going to have in the next few weeks. In SC it's the law that if you're having a homebirth, you have to see an OB at least once in the first and third trimesters. We discussed our expectations for the day of the birth, and I brought up the possibility of one or both of the girls seeing their new brother being born. Neither of them has expressed an interest in being there when it happens, so I don't think it's something I would wake them up at night or keep them home from school for. But if they want to be there, I won't turn them away as long as they can stay quiet and not distract me. It would be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see a sibling being born. I myself have never witnessed a birth. As of now, I think we'll just play it by ear. What else..? Joanne discovered during her examination that the baby is breech. At this point it's nothing to worry about, but she said if he's still breech by the end of this month, I should look into a Webster-certified chiropractor to get him to turn. I have already looked one up, and I might just proactively make an appointment with her, since chiropractic care before birth is a good idea anyway. If there are any imbalances in my spine or pelvis, she can address those sooner rather than later. But she's about 40 minutes away, so it would be one more thing to drive to, so I'm still hesitating. In the meantime, I've checked out Spinning Babies, read up on optimal positioning for both me and the baby, and tried some techniques to help breech babies turn. It was comical the first couple times I tried doing inversions with Tim's help. Prenatal yoga, which I've been doing all along, is also said to help with getting the baby into a good positions. The other three kids never gave me any problems in that regard, so I have to imagine this little man will settle into a good head-down position once he runs out of room. The way he's been moving around tells me he still has all kinds of room and is just in no hurry to settle down.

For my reference later, I weighed in at 134, so still on track with my weight gain.

A few days after this appointment I took to the Internet in search of a good homebirth book for kids, just to get them all thinking about what to expect. There aren't many out there, and I was not impressed with most of them either because of the content or the illustrations. I ended up finding exactly ONE that I liked, and I ordered it right away. It's called Mama, Talk About When Max Was Born. It's very realistic but not graphic, and is written for young children. I love all the details of the pictures. The girls have both read it, and I'll have to read it to Timmy soon too, even though it's not one that he would ask for. I leave it on the coffee table at all times, hoping that one of them will flip through it and maybe ask questions. So far it has prompted no questions and no discussions.

Another book I like to keep handy for the kids that's just pregnancy- and birth-related, is Angel in the Waters. It is written from the point of view of the baby, from the beginning when he "was", to his growth and development, to his birth, and then a little beyond that. His angel is there with him to help him understand what is happening. The baby needs lots of comfort from his angel to process having to leave the safe, comfortable world he's accustomed to, to enter a loud, bright, new one. At the end of the book the angel tells him that when it's time he will guide him from this new world world to an even bigger world someday. It's a really sweet story.

I have a lot to do over the next several weeks. Training the girls to do more around the house has been ongoing, and I think I'd better try to get Timmy dressing himself consistently on school mornings. He can and sometimes will on his own, but he still likes my help, so getting him to see the advantage in doing it himself is going to be tricky. I've finally gotten Christmas shopping well underway, so in November we can start preparing for this baby in earnest. I am enjoying solid nights of good sleep, and solitude in the morning while all the kids are in school. My house looks really nice, and I'm going to enjoy that while I can, before the chaos starts. 

28 weeks

12 weeks to go! I am so glad to be entering the third trimester, the time when it starts to really sink in that soon we'll be seeing and holding this newest member of our family. I am eager for that, but reminding myself that this is also the time I really need to savor because for such a long time I waited to go through pregnancy again. And it's been great to me.

I'm still feeling really good, with very little in the way of aches and pains. I have been trying to keep up the habit of walking and yoga a few times a week each. Even better would be to do both every single day, but I can never seem to get around to doing both every day. The best time for walking is in the morning right after the kids get on the bus and I eat my breakfast. So as long as I have nowhere else to be, that's when I do that. Yoga is wherever I can fit it in. I have plenty of  time, but I'm not always the best at managing it.

I saw my midwife last week and I weighed 131. My latest Babycenter update tells me that I'll gain a pound a week from here on out, and that sounds like a good estimate since I weighed 145 when I had Timmy, and 150 by the time I had each of the girls.

During her examination, she found that this little boy is head down, and that's good. I'm starting to feel his feet in my ribs since my torso is so short. His movements are now starting to make me uncomfortable at times, because now I'm feeling his bony body parts sticking out here and there. The worst is when I'm trying to go to sleep at night because that's his favorite time to start up.

We made our first large baby gear purchase a few weeks ago -- a travel system I found on Bookoo. For those who don't know, travel system refers to stroller, carseat and base for the carseat. That's a start! Delaney has practiced picking it up and moving around, telling me, "I just know you're going to tell me to pick the baby up and bring him over here.." And then she grunts as she hefts it around. I say, "You think it's heavy now? Just wait till there's a baby in it!" Lugging the carseat with the baby in it will not be one of the tasks I give to my 50-pound eight-year-old. But she shouldn't worry because there are plenty of other things I can still ask of her.

The temperatures are dipping ever so slightly now that we're over halfway through September. I've started making some use of my fall and winter wardrobe (including my Stitch Fix maternity leggings because they are the best!) even though that might be jumping the gun a little since it is still in the 80s most days. I don't care because the calendar says it's fall and I'm done trying to squeeze into shorts. As soon as I go back in my house, all my put-together fall attire goes flying off, and I'm back in my t-shirts and running shorts or yoga pants. A few mornings ago, it was in the 60s when the kids left for school, and it was such a festive atmosphere at the bus stop. People in the south long for fall the way people in the north long for spring.

That about does it for this update! I'll probably do this again in four weeks.

24 weeks

Just thought I'd pop in quick for a pregnancy update. I haven't been doing a lot of these, but they are really nice to look back on later.

Everything's going well! I am feeling great, still in the honeymoon phase of pregnancy which is pretty much the entire second trimester for me. My only complaint, and I can't actually complain about it since it's natural and supposed to happen, is that I hardly have anything to wear. I could really use some maternity denim shorts, but I am loath to spend the money on something I'll only need for about another month or two. Even $25 at Target seems like too much. I can be a real cheapskate about certain things. I could also use more skirts and dresses that fit. My Stitch Fix dresses from a couple months ago are, as I kind of suspected at the time, too tiny. I can put them on but they fit like a second skin and leave nothing to the imagination. I don't feel too comfortable displaying myself that way, so I'll just leave them in the closet until I get my normal figure back. I did receive another Stitch Fix in July, but since I'd left my stylist in the dark about how much weight I was gaining and what I was looking for, I ended up only keeping one thing: a pair of black maternity leggings that I know will be useful when the weather finally cools off. It hurt me to buy them because they are definitely maternity with the full belly panel and everything, and I will only be using them for a short time. But.. the material seems nicer and thicker than most leggings I own, and paired with a long top, they will make it possible for me to leave the house looking respectable when I get to the point where literally, nothing fits.

These are NOT the Stitch Fix leggings. These are much thinner, and therefore tolerable to wear in summer. The dress is ironically, from GapKids and not remotely maternity; but I tried it on on a whim a few days ago, and it fit!

I had a visit with my midwife. I have grown a lot since my last visit at 18 weeks. I now weigh 126, and my fundal height measurement was 26. I had measured behind at the 18 week checkup. At this appointment, and at the 18 week one, a midwife apprentice was also there. I like her a lot too. She will be assisting my midwife at the birth. I am really happy to know that I will have these two taking care of me.

This little man remains very active, kicking and bouncing from one side to another. My belly has become a magnet for Delaney and Annie's hands, and I have to check the urge to be like, "What do you want? Why are you touching me?" Annie, especially, will take every opportunity to touch, hug, or brush up against my belly. She can't help herself. Despite feeling some aversion, I relax and allow them to rest their hands or their ears on their baby brother's home. It is special that they are taking an interest, and I am glad they do. They understand what that growing bulge means, and they are fascinated. Timmy couldn't care less. He doesn't get what all the fuss is about. When people ask him if he's excited about a baby brother, he says no. He says it with a smile, though -- not upset but just being honest about it: a baby brother is not something to be excited about in his world. It's not like a car or a truck, or his Ninja Turtles t-shirt. (Sigh) My little buddy.. I hope he doesn't have too hard of a time adjusting to not being the baby anymore. We need to give him lots of extra love in the coming months.

We haven't bought anything for this baby yet, or done a single thing to get ready, but there is still plenty of time. The plan as of now is to do most of the Christmas shopping next month, and after that we will focus more on baby stuff. Still, I am always keeping an eye out on our local moms resale Facebook page, in case I see something I can't pass up. I have my Ergo carrier, a sling, a few receiving blankets and onesies. We'll be needing to get pretty much everything else! It will be fun, though, whenever we finally get around to it.

Summer update

Tim and I knew this was going to be our fastest summer yet, but seriously -- we'll blink and it's over. Almost July already, and did I mention school starts August 13? They're not even registered for school yet. Time keeps going by in chunks. We spent last week at the beach with my mom and dad and brother and his family. Tomorrow Tim Sr. and our niece Alexa will get here, and they'll stay a few days. We have other plans for July that remain top secret for now. (Someone who does NOT read this blog is about to get the best surprise!!) Then the kids and I will spend a week in Ohio and get back with maybe a couple days to spare before school starts.

There are some lulls in there, the first being the first two weeks after school ended. I mentioned how I planned to schedule our days to make sure we didn't get bored, especially since the intense heat and humidity are here, and are not going anywhere anytime soon. I have had some success with that plan. At the start of every week I write down the two or three things I really want us to do that day. But it is not super detailed. A sample summer day starts with yoga for me and then time at the pool with the kids. Then lunch and naps. And then with the exception of library days .. too much time inside all afternoon and too much screen time for the kids. It's a good thing that we've got all these things on the calendar because I have not figured out what to do on regular summer days with that time between naps and dinner when the heat is the worst. There aren't many places to go around here. A friend recommended these workbooks as one way to keep them occupied, and I've ordered them for Delaney and Annie to try to keep those brains of theirs working. Also, I need to put handwriting practice on that white board because then maybe it will actually happen. Ugh. I'm hopeless.

We had such a great vacation with my parents and brother and sister-in-law. This year's location was Folly Beach, which is a whopping hour-and-a-half away from us in Charleston, SC. We stayed in a condo with my parents, and Scotty and Faith and their kids stayed a few doors down. With the exception of a few outings here and there, we mostly hung around the beach and the pool. In the past I'd have done a long recap with lots of pictures, but I think I already posted the best pictures on Instagram, and those are already in my sidebar. 

I really, really enjoyed our time together. They are all so much fun to be around, and they make me laugh. Case in point: One afternoon on the beach, I was trying to stave off dinner hunger by shoving an entire Fig Newton in my mouth while making sure I wasn't attracting the attention of the aggressive seagulls who had at one point stolen a half sandwich right out of my hands. I asked if anyone else wanted one and was told "No, thanks," with snickers. "Why so much hate for Fig Newtons?" I asked. In answer I suddenly found myself in a hailstorm of ridicule for Tim's and my snack of choice when our homemade snacks had run out.

Faith: "I don't think anyone under the age of 65 should be purchasing Fig Newtons." (She had told me earlier about how her parents always have them in the house, and she finds them to be most unappealing.)

Dad: "I didn't know anyone bought them. I thought they just sat on the shelf forever."

Scotty: "That package is probably 30 years old."

Dad: "We ate Fig Newtons when we were kids, but that was back before there were so many choices."

Tim: [No witty retort from him because he was in the ocean with a couple of the kids. Too bad.]

I was like, sheesh, I know they're not that great, but I think you could do a lot worse! Yes, it was discussed, there was something worse than a Fig Newton -- a generic one. Vile. (Truly. And I am a person who likes a lot of generics.) Faith decided we needed a picture. It is worth noting that when I gave some to the kids and they weren't being as careful with crumbs, the seagulls were not interested.

I also loved sharing the condo with my parents. I liked seeing them first thing in the morning and throughout the day, and seeing Dad being a curmudgeon (but a funny one) and Mom dealing with him.. And looking at them both and seeing how much of the way I am comes directly from them. Of course everybody turns out like their parents, but it's eye-opening just the same. I know it probably is for Tim too.

There were a lot of faces missing from the picture this year, but I just remind myself what a gift it is anytime any of us are able to spare the time away from their busy lives so we can spend this time together. We're talking about the gulf coast for next time. Who's in?

What else is there..? 

All remains well with our little nugget. He/she kicks quite a bit already, to the point where the other day my midwife could see the movement for herself. We haven't even scheduled the 20-week ultrasound yet, so we're going to be waiting the longest we've ever had to wait before finding out the gender. We found out at 17 weeks with Annie and Timmy and at 19 weeks with Delaney. I'll be 17 weeks tomorrow. I can be patient. We think we've settled on a boy's name, but we can not for the life of us come up with a girl's name. We've tossed around more names for this kid than for any of the others combined. For some reason I'm feeling strongly like I want to continue having a different first initial for each of the kids. I like to just be able to jot down a first initial for each of them. OK, that leaves 23 other letters in the alphabet, so that shouldn't be hard to do. 

Here's a photo from the ultrasound we had at 14 weeks. Based on that ultrasound I get a due date of December 5, four days ahead of what I get from my chart. I'll still go with my original due date, though, and not count on the baby coming any sooner. The other three came well before their due dates like good little Marines who consider themselves late if they're on time, but that doesn't mean number 4 will. 

Until next time!

Stitch Fix for the second trimester

I got my Babycenter update a couple days ago, and it seems that someone along the way decided that the second trimester starts at 14 weeks. I disagree with that. 14x3 is 42. How many people do you know who are pregnant until 42 weeks? I know it happens, but I think it's pretty rare. My longest pregnancy was 39 weeks 4 days, so I'm calling myself a third of the way through!

Another thing: I got straight A's in English class, and even though I've gotten rusty over the years I still know better than to keep switching tenses when I write. But I can not stop myself! I couldn't decide which tense to use, and would change my mind multiple times in a single paragraph (just like I'm doing here, see?) It's driving me crazy. I'm getting tired of trying to edit it. Good thing I'm not doing this for work or for a grade.  

As I've done the other two times, I dropped everything when I saw the Stitch Fix (my referral link) box on my front porch, and proceeded to waste all kinds of time taking awful pictures of myself modeling the clothing in front of my bedroom mirror. What could be more exciting than a box of surprise clothes?

A quick glance at the fabrics and it's clear that my stylist knows how much I like green and blue. She threw in some red just to be crazy!

In my note to her about a week ago, I told her that I would be getting the clothes around the beginning of my second trimester, and asked that she give me things that allow room to grow but can also be worn after the baby's born. In other words, not strictly maternity and therefore only useful for a few months. I also told her how much I like maxi dresses and how the maxi skirt she sent me in the last Fix was perfect for this summer. I asked her for something else to go with it because right now I have only three tops that can coordinate with it; and I've already outgrown one. I also mentioned I'd be going on a vacation soon and hoped to have things that would be nice for that.

I can see she did her best to heed my requests, and was happy to see that there were two maxi dresses in the box and a top that would definitely go with that maxi skirt.

The first thing I tried on was this cute blouse. The style card mentioned it would work with shorts and sandals and also with skinnies. Skinnies -- ha! It's too hot for those even if they did still fit. Fortunately I have denim shorts that were too big on me to begin with and fit nicely now. I chose the sand dollar necklace my mom gave me for my birthday last year and the new wedges Tim got me as part of my Mother's Day gift this year, to complete the outfit. (Not quite complete -- I could still use some earrings, but good enough.) We have a winner! This blouse is exactly the kind of thing my wardrobe needs.

It has room to grow but it's not maternity. I wish I'd taken the picture a little closer up so you could see the print better. Verdict: keep.

While I had the shorts on I tried another top -- an honest-to-goodness maternity top with ruching and everything. But I gave it a chance anyway because you've got to try everything on. You never know.

I really just find it to be OK. I do like turquoise and I do like chevron patterns. But I didn't $48 like it, especially since I would only be able to wear it for a few months. Verdict: return.

Next up was this roomy black tank which was intended for the maxi skirt they sent me a couple months ago. It was way too long, and the fit was not flattering. 

It looks a little better from this view. Definitely slimming. But .. it just didn't do it for me. Verdict: return.

I was eager to try my luck with the maxi dresses next. I have just one maxi dress in my closet that I can still wear, and that is just not going to cut it this summer. I tried the teal green one first, and at first I was not inclined to like the teal. I never would have picked it out myself, but once I had it on I liked it. That's what I love best about Stitch Fix -- trying on things I would never be inclined to pull off a rack at a store, and finding out I like them. 

This dress is on the shorter side for a maxi, so flat sandals only. Love the cross-front neckline. It felt snug and comfortable on, maybe a little too snug. In a couple months this dress will probably become too constricting since I carry my babies high (like IN my rib cage) and I expand all over, not just my belly. Buuuuut.. I thought, once I outgrow it later this summer, I can hang it back in my closet and it will fit just fine next spring. It'll be cute with a denim jacket. I was feeling undecided about this one, knowing I would only be able to wear it for a small portion of my pregnancy. I put it aside and then tried it on a few hours later. I discovered that it's nursing friendly! A dress I can nurse in. It's a keeper! I'll see how long it works it for me this summer, and then take it out again next spring when the baby's a few months old and I've lost the extra weight. (I'm being very optimistic about how quickly I'll be losing the weight.) Verdict: keep.

Lastly I tried on the other maxi dress ..

I love the color, which isn't actually real red, but kind of orangey-red. I try my yellow Stella & Dot earrings with it (thanks again to Nicole for those!). So summery! It felt comfortable and looked great on. Again, I thought it might end up being a little too snug before long. (It's hard to describe the way I swell everywhere during pregnancy. I still look normal now, but just wait.) Definitely not nursing friendly, so after outgrowing it in a month or two I wouldn't be able to wear it again until the baby was weaned or nearly weaned. I nursed Timmy for over two years, so that could be awhile. It's also on the shorter side, so only flat sandals again. The material is very thin, and I would not be adequately covered without some kind of undergarment, and that's a bit of a pain. Verdict: return. But I'll let my stylist know that if she wants to send me anything else in that color come August, she's more than welcome. 

Update: I showed Tim pictures of me in it and he convinced me to keep it. I tried it on a couple more times and decided I really liked the way it looked and even though it probably will end up hanging in my closet for a long time while I have a nursing baby, I will wear it again eventually. It is not maternity, and that is kind of what I was after anyway: things that I can wear for a long time to come, not just while pregnant. Verdict: keep!

So, to recap, I ended up keeping three things and sending back two. I was able to put them in a pre-paid USPS envelope and stick it in my mailbox the next day, so really fun and convenient. Besides a new bathing suit I shouldn't be needing anything else for a while. Good news for someone who hates shopping as much as I do but loves looking put together.

This and that

The "stalker view" from the girls' bedroom window

It has been a tumultuous and emotionally exhausting few days around here. The day has finally come for us to say farewell to our next door neighbors, and that meant for Delaney to say goodbye to her best friend Norah. This morning as we drove to school, Norah and her mom stood at the side of the road waving. They are now on their way to Massachusetts, to their forever home. Norah's dad is retiring, so this is their last move. I don't even think they knew they were going to be moving until this past winter. I want to say originally they were going to be around for another year.

When we moved here last summer, Tim and Norah's dad already knew each other and had worked together in the past. We were so glad to wind up next to them, and thrilled that they had a seven-year-old daughter for our girls to play with. It ended up being that Delaney and Norah became inseparable, and Annie didn't warm up to any of them until their last month here. That's typical of Annie. Delaney was better than the FBI at monitoring Norah's family's comings and goings, always waiting for her next opportunity to have time with Norah. During the week they were always so busy, with Norah's three older siblings involved in multiple after-school activities and being driven all over creation.

Finally this weekend, it was packing and moving time, and Delaney and Norah were able to spend every minute from Friday to Sunday night together. But I have to say it was stressful for me. My kids acted up so much, and I don't know if it was related to the upcoming move, or being in Norah's presence all the time, or they just wanted to give me hell. We had Norah sleep over Friday night, we had her here all day Saturday, our families went to Mass together on Sunday, and she was here from the time we got home. My kids had so many meltdowns in those 48 hours that I was ready to tear my hair out by Sunday afternoon. I actually hid in my closet and cried on the phone to Tim because I didn't know what to do. Nobody was wanting to listen to me, everyone was wanting to fight over everything, it was so loud in our house, I was always having to discipline somebody, and I just wanted to be left alone. I told him on the phone last night once everyone was finally in bed asleep and only the final goodbye in the morning awaited, "Weekends like this make me look forward to Monday!" Of course we're quickly approaching summer, when weekdays and weekends look alike for us. But for today it was such a relief to have it just be me and Buddy.

Delaney will miss their doggy Fenway too.

I don't know what this week holds in store for me. The house next door will be empty, and I think that coming home from school and seeing that will be hard for Delaney. She's going to keep wondering where they are and then remembering. I'm going to try to be extra nice to her this week -- give more hugs, try to say yes more than I say no, and be extra patient. I really think these next few days will be the hardest, but then once summer is in full swing she'll be distracted and busy.

***

That brings me to my next topic -- summer. Friday is the last day of school, finally! No more driving two hours a day, no more carpool lines. (No more of that ever.) Freedom! And then the elation will last about a second before the kids start telling me they have nothing to do. We have a few trips and visits planned to break up the long weeks, but I have been a little intimidated at the thought of the days of just being here with all the kids all day. (Homeschool moms must feel such scorn when people like me say things like that.) I've decided to get ahead of it this time and make us a schedule. I will post it on the fridge and we will all know what we're doing every day that we are here together on Parris Island. This will be especially beneficial to Annie because she loves structure and she's always asking, 'What are we doing today?' It's already decided that Monday will be library day. Most typical weekdays will include the Y so that I can take a class (usually yoga), a couple hours at the pool, lunch and quiet time/nap time, and cursive writing practice in there somewhere during the hottest part of the day. And there will be plenty of TV-watching. And a few trips to the beach sprinkled in there, mostly on the weekends when Tim can come. They will all go to vacation bible school later this month for a few days, and I am also looking into gymnastics on base. The only big differences between this summer and last summer would be the regular working out for me, and the gymnastics. We did the pool just about every day last summer, and a week of VBS. I've got to work it out and get it down on paper, and once I do I am much more likely to be motivated to do it. What I don't like about summer is being woken up by kids in the morning and feeling like I am trying to catch up. I want to be up before them and I want to be intentional about how we go about our day.

All of this after liking this article and others like it that friends have recently shared on Facebook; and joining the voices bemoaning how much scheduling that we parents do. Oh, for the good old days. Ha! But here's the problem with having a '70s kind of summer. Once the temps reach triple digits with 200% humidity, you can't make the kids stay out all afternoon. It's inhumane. Even the recruits aren't allowed outside during the worst of it. And when it's moving and vacation season, this place turns into a ghost town. There are no kids for them to play with and nobody for me to talk to. When we first got here last July, it looked so desolate that I seriously wondered if we had made a mistake in choosing base housing. There wasn't a soul in sight. Whoever was around stayed in the air conditioning all day. Most people did what we're about to do -- go on a few trips and otherwise stay busy and beat the heat. Maybe they "summered" somewhere, like the way rich people like to use summer as a verb. Some people had moved away and others had yet to move in. It wasn't until fall that the temperatures cooled back down, people started coming out of the woodwork, kids started playing in the yards, and this started to seem like a livable place. I don't feel like spending the whole summer with my feet up and a Tab in my hand, telling the kids to go back outside. I already know that won't work. (Also I would die if they used Pottery Barn Kids duvet cover to make a backyard fort. Not free range of me, I know.) I want to be ready with a plan that we can all live with, one that keeps me in some kind of shape and on some kind of routine. It's just as much for me as it is for them. I hope to be updating at some point later on the success of that plan.

Regardless, as Tim keeps reminding me, summer is going to be over in the blink of an eye. The next school year starts August 13, for crying out loud.

***

I've got a lot of 'this and that.' This is going to end up being a long post.

This Wednesday I will be 13 weeks pregnant and done with the first trimester. Yay! I'm finally getting to my favorite part of pregnancy, when I come out of my funk, the food aversions go away, I have energy again, and the growing belly. I already feel much better, not that the first trimester has ever been that rough for me (I know plenty of others who have it much worse). But I really don't enjoy not feeling like myself for weeks at a time, but no sign that there is any baby in there.

I have been noticeably pregnant for at least a couple weeks now. The first person to come out and ask me was the lady who watches Timmy at the Y. Her curiosity got the better of her -- she was so nervous I would say I wasn't! I would never ask someone who looked like me if they were expecting. Honestly, I think ever since having kids in the first place, I've had a bloaty belly. I am starting to grow out of my clothes but am not yet ready for maternity. I did get out my maternity clothes bin to see what was in there. There are a few shirts that should be useful in the next few weeks. I still have a pair of maternity jeans in there, but I am donating them. I will never put them on my body again. Maternity jeans are the devil. Once it gets cold I will get by with leggings and long tops. I get my Stitch Fix tomorrow, and I've asked for some things that give me room to grow, but can also be worn postpartum. So we'll see.

At 11 weeks I heard the baby's heartbeat at the OB's office. I am following the same plan I did with Timmy, at least until I've had the 20 week ultrasound -- seeing both the OB that insurance covers and the homebirth midwife. I am so excited I have a midwife now! They are few and far between here as they were in North Carolina. Mine is an hour-and-a-half away in Charleston. What's different about having a homebirth in SC is that Certified Professional Midwives (CPMs) are licensed by the state. As my midwife, Joanne, quipped, "It's nice not to have a felony charge hanging over your [the midwife's] head." Indeed. And no need to be secretive about it all the way I had to be in NC.

Here I am today, right before I left for yoga. Note the belly button already visible through two layers of clothing.

I have an ultrasound scheduled for June 10, for purposes of dating the pregnancy. (shrug) I don't really care why the doctor thought it was necessary -- I just look forward to seeing this little nugget and finding out once and for all whether or not I'm having one or two. I've been growing fast, seemingly even faster than I did with Timmy. (I just searched in vain for a bump shot with Timmy from around the same time frame and came up empty-handed. None for Annie either, and I know I didn't start showing until well into my second trimester with Delaney. I must not have found my 11 to 14-week belly nearly as fascinating as I do this time. I have taken belly selfies an embarrassing number of times with this pregnancy.) Looking through the archives I see this post about the bonus ultrasound I got at 13 weeks with Timmy when the doctor suspected twins based on the size of my belly (and my full bladder, but he didn't know about that.) As a matter of fact, that entire update is identical to the way I'm feeling now, even down to craving ice cream and needing to make myself eat better.  

I enjoy being pregnant, I always have; and this time I am really relishing it. I'm so grateful to be able to do this again. For awhile, it didn't look like it was meant to be.

***

I have a couple more things that I've been meaning to share about Delaney: her first paying job and her first experience using the stove. She's going to be ready to move out soon!

A few weeks ago she took a spare poster board I had and decided to use it to advertise a business idea she had -- dog walking. I took a photo of her standing proudly behind the sign, with Annie who is yelling or yawning, I can't tell which. I shared it on Instagram and Facebook, and the comments led to Delaney getting a job walking someone's dachsund every Tuesday afternoon for a dollar. She's really happy. The first time she did it Annie and I went with her, but the second time she did it alone. She has to walk to the last street in our neighborhood, and I said to Annie after she'd taken off last Tuesday, "I bet she forgets the house number." At least I knew she could always find her way home, if nothing else. Sure enough, Annie told me later that Delaney had come running back to ask the house number, and Annie had told her. Annie remembered!

A few days ago Delaney mentioned she'd like to learn how to make her own egg over easy, and I decided she was ready. She was really unsure the first time, especially about breaking the egg, but after this morning I can say she's almost to the point where she can do it unsupervised. It will take a few more times, though. I want to see her do it without asking me for any guidance, and I want to see her remember to turn the burner off too. But she's come a long way. She'll be there soon. I'm trying to do everything I can to get these kids to do things for themselves. It's a never-ending battle. I wish I could get her to have the same sense of pride in a clean room as she does with a perfectly done egg. 

That's it for now. Time for bed!