An unexpected guest

Last Friday was the end of a long and aggravating week, and even though it was Friday I was still not in a good mood.  Tim would be getting home that night after a few days in Virginia, but he could not get home quick enough for me.  I'd had it, I was done.  That afternoon after I picked up the girls from school I discovered that I had not added enough flour into the breadmaker, and the resulting pizza dough was of a wet and gooey consistency.  I would not be making pizza that night.  Tim would be home in less than an hour and he would be hungry.  We were all getting hungry, so I placed an order for pizza at place out in town that we had heard was good, and we left right away to pick it up.

Arriving back home a half hour later I was relieved to see Tim's truck in front of the house.  I had crossed the finish line of this never-ending week!  I parked in the garage and walked in the kitchen door with the pizza.  He said, "What's this, you bought pizza?  I invited someone to dinner and told them how good our homemade pizza is."

My mind started racing and my stress level immediately shot back up.  I only had one large pizza and we were having company.  "Who did you invite?" I asked.  "They're in the living room," he answered.  Oh my goodness, they're already here and we're talking about them, I thought, and walked through the doorway into the living room to say hi.  It took a couple seconds for my stunned brain to register that the figure on the couch was MY SISTER GRACE who lives 700 miles away in Cincinnati, and I haven't seen her since Christmas, the last person I expected to see sitting there, and ohmygosh, I am not seeing things, that's really her!  In a second we were laughing and hugging and the kids were watching wide-eyed.  Tim and Grace had surprised me again, just like they had five years ago.  I remember the last time like it was yesterday.  We were living in Massachusetts, Annie was a few weeks old and I had just returned with her from a friend's baby shower.  I was tired and probably hoping for a rest, and when I came up the stairs to the main floor of our condo, there was Grace in the kitchen.  I remember hugging her and then looking at her and saying, "Is this really happening?  Are you really standing her in my kitchen?"  It was one of the best surprises of my life, and here it was happening again.  I was overjoyed.  I had not seen this coming, not at all.

I was so excited to find out she'd be with us for a whole seven days.  After the week I'd had, I knew I had the best week coming.  We didn't even even do anything extraordinary -- mostly just hung around the house or close by.  We went to the farmer's market on Saturday and brought home yummy Indian food.  I took her to my two yoga classes and I only made her laugh out loud once.  On Monday night since it was finally sunny we went to the waterfront downtown and got ice cream.  Then we did mostly typical weekday stuff, but having her here to do it with me made it fun.  She was a huge help to me around the house too.  

Tim liked having someone else around to pick on.  For instance: "Timmy's being extra difficult this afternoon ... Grace!"  "It won't stop raining.. Grace!"  Pretty much everything that went wrong was Grace's fault whether she had anything to do with it or not but she knew it was all in good fun.

Beaufort waterfront, one of our new favorite haunts

Grace laughed for days about a conversation she had with Timmy that went like this:

Grace: Who says 'Ruh-roh', Timmy?

Timmy: I don't know.

Grace: Scooby-Doo!

Timmy: 'Scuse who?  'Scuse me too!

I have always told my kids that if an aunt is from Ohio we call her short 'a' sound antie, and if they're from New England we call them auntie (ahntie) with the British pronunciation.  I thought it would also help them to keep track of who's who and who lives where in the family tree.  But after this week I think I've finally given up on that system.  Grace and I were talking in the kitchen and mentioned our aunt Maggie, and Timmy said, "Who?"  I told him that she's our aunt, like how he has aunts (ants).  He kept staring blankly at me until I said, "She's our ah-nt, like your aunties."  He was like, "Oh!"  I threw my hands up and laughing, I said, "I give up!  I thought I'd try to keep some of the midwest in these kids but I'm failing!"  From now on they are all just going to be British aunties because even I was having trouble keeping them straight anyway, and I was referring to Grace as a British auntie half the time.  We agreed that my sisters and sister-in-law might all think it's special to have a few of their nieces and nephews calling them the fancy-sounding auntie anyway.

She wouldn't let either her daddy or auntie Grace touch that tooth, but they were there for moral support and to coach her as she tried to wiggle it out herself.  I've never seen anything like that tooth.  It was extremely loose for many weeks before it came out.  It could twist this way and that, and even be parallel to the floor.  Grace said it was like a door on hinges!  It finally came out on its own the day after Grace left.

This past Saturday, Grace's flight wasn't until late afternoon, so we spent a few hours wandering around Savannah's historic district.  It was such a beautiful southern fall day, sunny and 75, and I walked around with my mouth gaping as I took in all the sights in all their sun-dappled splendor.  The park, the flowers, the houses, the canopies of mossy oaks.. I took lots of pictures of Grace -- and she didn't like that too much -- but I had to, it was my last chance.

Some lady at the park was putting on a little show with her birds for passersby, and letting them hold them.  We got a kick out of this, especially Delaney with the giant bird on her shoulder.

All too soon, it was time to drive to the airport and say goodbye.  It was hard for all of us to see her go, but I am so grateful for the time we had together, and grateful to Tim for making it happen.  It's so funny that only weeks before, I'd posted a picture on Facebook after Tim's aunt, uncle and cousin stopped by for dinner, and this was my caption in part: "First family visitors at the new house.  Who's next?;)"  I literally had no idea it was going to be Grace.  I wasn't expecting anyone until Tim's parents in early December.  But the guest room was ready, and I'd even cleaned the bathrooms and vacuumed the floors that day -- not that Grace cares about that at all, but it made me happy.

We miss you!

This and That

I've been neglecting this old blog for way too long as I wait for all the random thoughts in my head to organize themselves into something cohesive, but on this gloomy morning I give up on that.  It's time for an update.

Now that school is in full swing and has been for the last several weeks, I am feeling almost all the way settled here.  After so many jaunts around Beaufort for school, library, TJMaxx, all the nice antique stores, I no longer need to rely on the GPS.  That's always a relief because the hardest thing about being in a new place to me is feeling so lost all the time.  Every weekday morning I leave between 7:35 and 7:45, depending on the day, to take the girls to school 25 minutes away.  Every afternoon we pick leave to pick them up at 10 of 3, and most of the time I have to wake Timmy up from his nap.  The girls are taking ballet one afternoon a week.  I've joined the Y, which is just a few minutes outside the gate.  I do yoga two mornings a week there, run on the treadmill, and Timmy gets the socialization he's really wanting every time he asks me if he can go to school.  [The answer to that is definitely no, because I see no reason to spend the extra time and gas on dropping off and picking up another kid somewhere.  Next year I'll probably let him do Pre-K at the DoD school, and he'll take a bus.]  The girls will be doing soccer at the Y starting next month.

Dance party in the rain after school

The girls seem happy at school.  Annie was the one I really worried about the first few days when she'd say things like, "I don't like school" and "I don't want to go back."  But now when I pick her up she tells me about her friends, trips that they're going to go on, all kinds of things.  She reads to me every night from the books her teacher sends home, and I don't have to remind her to do it.  She's doing great with sounding out words, and starting to recognize sight words, and I can tell her confidence is growing.  She'll say to me, "I bet I know how to spell ___."  And then she'll say the letters and get most, if not all, right.  Tonight at her teacher's open house, I got a look at her math journal, where she solves problems by drawing pictures.  Her teachers told me that she talks a streak to the other kids but still doesn't want to talk to them or any adults. Oh, Annie.  We've got to fix that.  Delaney likes school pretty much too, and is always cheerful at drop-off and pick-up.  Aside from her 20-minute reading requirement, she usually doesn't have any homework.  It is so nice.  No more long afternoons at the table with a timer.  I quickly learned to save every bit of writing and art that makes it home in her folder, whereas last year I needed to be a lot more selective with what work of art or writing exercise was worth keeping.  At this school they have a policy of not using much paper, and they will creatively find ways to avoid printing lots of paper.  I approve of that 100%.  At a volunteer orientation I was told about how one deck of cards replaces 2000 math worksheets.  Yay for fewer worksheets and not having to be Delaney's jailer every day!  Although, as Tim pointed out, it does make it harder to know what she's learning at school without the paper trail.  It was a big change to go from the chunky binder and paper overload last year to this year with the emailed (vague) reports that say she's doing well, and every now and then a math handout or picture she drew that makes it home.  The math so far is fairly easy addition and subtraction, so not yet where she was at the end of last year.  Lately she's been telling me a lot of South Carolina facts, such as the state bird is the carolina wren and the state butterfly is the tiger swallowtail.  They went on a walking tour of downtown Beaufort a few days ago to look at landmarks and got to handle the little crabs who live by the water.  I don't doubt that a lot of learning is taking place, but I think once I start volunteering, I will get a much better idea of it.

I've joined the Officer Spouses Club for the first time ever since becoming a spouse.  Living here on base, it was like 'why not?'  Their president is the first person to reach out to me back when we were still looking around and trying to decide where to live.  She lives right down the street from me and her teenage daughter is now my kids' babysitter, and they love her and so do we.  I was invited to eat with their dinner club that night back in February, and they were all so welcoming.  They have a few 'sub clubs' that I've joined: dinner club, playgroup, book club, and I may or may not join the wine club.  I do like my wine.:)  So now I'm on a friendly wave, hi and chitchat basis with several of them, but it's too soon to tell whether any real friendships will come out of this for me.

I like our new parish even more since we started going to the 9:30 a.m. Sunday Mass at the Air Station 20 minutes away instead of the quiet little Saturday evening Mass here at Parris Island.  I like how many young families I see walking in the door (the pews are far from being filled up, but still).  I would really, really like to get to know some of those families more, but beyond a few introductions (thanks also to my friend in the OSC who is active in that parish) that hasn't happened yet.  I know I'm partly to blame for that because once Mass is over, and then CCD which lasts until noon, all I want to do is get home and take a break.  There was a picnic starting at noon a couple weeks ago and I told Tim I couldn't even imagine a picnic at noon -- swatting at flies and making small talk when all I want is to eat and nap.  I am not good at the mingling and socializing stuff, even when there's time to kill between Mass and CCD, and then during CCD.  It's a strange paradox: I like people but I don't want to make any of the effort required to get to know them.  I just want to skip to the part where we see each other and go, "Hey!"

Sending Daddy off on a trip

Tim travels frequently with this new job, about two weeks out of every month, give or take.  I am back to doing a lot of solo parenting during the week, but at least he's almost always home on the weekends.  I'll take have him traveling a couple weeks a month over him being gone months at a time on a deployment.  When he's here, his office is about a block away from where we live.  I thought that his being so close would mean that he'd be home a lot more in the afternoons/evenings, but that hasn't been the case.  If he's able to get home at a decent time he'll tell me in the morning, "Text me to remind me to get home by 5."  Most of the time he's home just in time for dinner at 6 which is later than I'd like.  Sometimes he'll just tell me not to expect him for dinner, he has catching up to do, he'll get there when he gets there.  At our last duty station he had the 15-minute commute, but when he was around, he was home easily in time for 5:30 dinner most nights.  Having him so close and his days still so long is not what I expected, but that's OK, I know he's got to do what he's got to do.

This next paragraph was originally a long-winded and whiny paragraph about how Tim had to go right to work immediately after checking in here and never had a big chunk of time to devote to getting things done around here before he started being gone a lot, blah blah.  And how we can't decide whether to paint or which color to use, blah blah.  How I ordered new curtains and I'm worried I'll hate them when they get here.  And how I have no decorating sense at all and I've been begging my sister Anna for ideas, which she has been happy to give.  And how we still don't have enough furnishings to fill these big spaces, and I don't know when it will ever look the way I want.  Reading through it was very boring and tiresome.  I truly am grateful, despite the challenges it poses, to have all this space in a house.  I would rather have this problem than the opposite problem!  One of these days I'll get it the way I want it, or at least mostly, and hopefully I don't drive Tim too crazy in the process.

One bit of miscellany that I'm a little late in sharing: A few weeks ago I got a text from Jessica, whose house was the first playgroup we attended here.  It was very strange, out of the blue: "Are any of you allergic to poison ivy?"  I replied, "Not that I know of.  Why?"  She said, "I just found Delaney's crab in a patch of it."  I let out a whoop of joy, thanked her (and silently St. Anthony) and within a short while Crabby and Snappy were reunited.  Delaney was very ho-hum about it -- I guess she'd already moved on -- but it makes me smile to see the two of them sitting on her bed.  Sometimes it's the little things that bring you the most joy.  And yes, I realize sometimes the little things become way too big of a deal.

When the conditions are just right -- me, him, the couch, his Wuddy (Lovey) and his thumb -- he'll snuggle up with me.  It's the best!

Another thing I'm happy to share -- my bubba is already nighttime potty trained!  It took a couple years and a whole other process to get the girls nighttime trained, but he already keeps his pull-up dry 99 times out of 100 on his own, less than two months after daytime potty training.  I'll use up this last package of pull-ups I have, and then I'm done buying those too.  For the first time in seven years, no diapers or pull-ups.  Imagine that.

The Helicopter Parent's Paradise

I had really, really been looking forward to a beach trip on Saturday all week long.  It had been too many weeks since the last one, and I had it written on the whiteboard too, which is the same thing as etched in stone as far as we're all concerned.  But on Friday night when it started looking like the weather wasn't going to cooperate, we needed to come up with a plan b.  After a quick Google search I decided the Children's Museum in Savannah was just the thing for a rainy day.  I hoped it wouldn't be too crowded.  We hadn't been to Savannah before, and depending on how the day went, I thought maybe we could do some exploring elsewhere too.

It was a nice, scenic hour-long drive with lots of lovely marsh views, tree-lined highways and one big tall bridge over a river where the kids went "Wheeeee!" and then we were there.  The Children's Museum and the Georgia State Railroad Museum share the same space, so when we parked all we saw were trains and no sign of a children's museum.  Entry to either or both museums is through the gift shop, of course, so that's where we went to buy our tickets and find out where we were going.

Tim and I had a quick discussion as we stood in line about which tickets we ought to buy.  He was in favor of the Railroad Museum because he thought the kids would find it more interesting.  I said no way, they'd be bored out of their minds after 10 minutes of a guided tour of trains, and they'd be complaining about the heat.  He said, "Okay.."

After paying admission we were instructed to walk outside and go toward a brick building with blue beams and we'd find our way from there.  We saw the blue beams right away and headed toward them.  The building is kind of hard to describe. It obviously used to be part of a train station in some way.  It was a tall brick structure with pretty architecture and no roof.  Way down in what was maybe a basement at one point we caught glimpses of plants and umbrellas and colorful things that could maybe be for kids.  Tim said to me, "I hope we didn't just pay $40 for them to play in a park."  He suggested that maybe I could have done a little more research about this particular museum.  I walked toward the staircase which was guarded by two cheerful teenage girls who told me that yes, that open area below was the entire children's museum.  [I just looked at the website again, and I see it does say in fine print right there on the main page that it is an outdoor venue.  And the pictures have grass in them.  Oops.  Next time I won't do my research on my iPhone; I'm not too good at seeing everything on that tiny screen.]  If it rained like the weather report called for, we were all in trouble.

Initially we were very unimpressed, but after a few minutes I decided that I like the open air children's museum a lot better than the other museums I've been to in Richmond, VA, Cincinnati and Providence, RI.  That exhausted, claustrophobic feeling I got in those other places, I did not get here.  Once we'd descended down inside the bricks it got a little cooler, kind of like being in a basement.  Everything was pretty to look at in the natural light.  At one end was a garden and at another end was a maze with little activities along the way.  Along the sides of the building under the arches were little stations for building with blocks, reading books, dressing up, and who knows what else.  They climbed walls, they went down slides, they played under a mister when it got hotter, and they found the most adorable little frogs in the garden.

The one thing that annoyed Tim and me was that it was a helicopter parenting paradise.  The kids had plenty to do to engage their imaginations and keep themselves busy without Mom or Dad breathing down their necks.  And not only that, we quickly found out that the hovering was being enforced by the staff.  After Tim took Timmy to the bathroom, which was in an adjacent building, he saw that the girls at the top of the stairs were stopping kids on their way down and making sure they waited for their adults.  We could understand stopping a kid who's on their way out of the gate to the parking lot, but on the way down into a safe, enclosed space where it's clear that every inch has been approved by OSHA?  Come on, the adults should be allowed to drink coffee from the balcony and relax if they feel like it.  Now that I think of it, all children's museums are helicopter parenting paradises by design.  He should be grateful he got to witness it in open spaces with fresh air instead of the confined indoor spaces of other museums.

Tim and I spent much of our time parked near the garden (quietly) making fun of the hovering parents, but I also had to chuckle at the irony that I was hovering worse than anyone while I took pictures of our kids.

Building a "tower"

Drawing on a chalkboard inside the maze

They stopped en route to the bathroom so Timmy could find his sisters in the maze.

Wish my camera had the capability to focus on that itty-bitty frog.

"The boy took my (hard) hat," he told us.

After we'd been there about an hour-and-a-half it started to rain a little and  I took Timmy to use the potty one more time.  To my surprise, in the building that had the bathroom, there was also a big model train set.  I don't know how Tim ever pried him away from it the first time.  He was so excited, running from one side of it to another, calling out every move the trains made.  "Now it's coming out of the tunnel!"  "Now it's going under the bridge!"  And he wanted to talk about all the other details, the houses, the cars, fire trucks, etc.  

After that Tim and the girls found us, and after a few more minutes of train-watching we went outside to enjoy the picnic lunch that Tim had packed the day before for the beach.  It had stopped raining and it was pretty comfortable under the trees.  I slapped at ants on my feet and said, "Now I remember why I don't do picnics."  Then we had the kids pose for one last picture before we headed home in time for naps at 1:30.  We decided against any more exploring in the city because we were all too tired.  We'll have to plan something else to do in Savannah next time.  I don't know if we'll be back to the Children's Museum anytime soon because I know Tim didn't think it was worthwhile, but I think it was a fun way to spend half of a not-too-rainy Saturday.

First day of school

Today was the girls' first day of school -- 2nd grade for Delaney and kindergarten for Annie.  They go to a public charter school that is only in its second year of operation and doesn't have one building yet to house all the grades.  They will be building a new one this year, but for now they still use two buildings that are several blocks away from each other.  One is for kindergarten and 1st grade, and the other is for all the rest.  So last night and this morning I was studying Google Maps making sure my route was all planned out and I was ready for two carpool lines in the morning and in the afternoon.  I did not want to be the one driving the wrong way down a street and messing everyone else up.  It was a big day for all of us.

I woke up extra early so I could have time to make muffins and drink coffee in peace and collect myself.  A half hour later the day began with a bang for the kids when Timmy fell out of his bed and started crying.  Everybody was up and it was just as well since I was about to have to go wake them all up anyway.

Once we were all ready to go I had them go out front and pose for pictures.  No signs this time.:(  I just didn't get around to it this time but I think that's OK.

Drop off went pretty smoothly.  I went to Delaney's building first because I would be walking Annie in today. Delaney hopped out smiling after giving me my requested hug.  Then we drove a few blocks over and parked to take Annie in.  Annie was very quiet by now.  She didn't say a word, but for days I've suspected that she's having a lot of anxiety about starting school.  She's been picking her myriad mosquito bite scabs until they bleed, and picking on her siblings even more mercilessly.  I've tried to talk to her about it a few times but to no avail.  She does not want to talk about her feelings with me.  As the three of us walked toward the entrance of her school, with camera at the ready I said, "Annie."  She turned around and I snapped this picture.

I really felt for her in this moment when I saw the wariness of her expression and her body language that I know so well.  The way her hand is right there .. she holds her hands like that when she's determined not to appear afraid.  My brave little Annie.

Annie wanted nothing to do with posing for pictures by now, but I just couldn't resist taking a couple more once we got inside the building.  She found her classroom because she recognized the wall outside with the tree and all the names.  We had just been there a few nights before for open house.

Once we got inside I reminded her to hang up her backpack and put her lunch in her cubby, just like the note the teacher had given me during open house had told me.  Then after saying hi to her teacher I asked if I could take a picture of the two of them.  It didn't turn out so well.

After that I gave her a hug which she received as still as a statue, told her to have a great day, and left.  I know she'll be just fine after she's had some time to warm up to everybody.  It was the same day last year with Pre-K.  That was three mornings a week and I think it took a couple months before the teachers started telling me she was coming out of her shell and playing with the other kids.  Maybe it will happen quicker now that she's there seven hours a day Monday through Friday?  I hope so.  Oh Annie, what will we do with you, child..?

Back at home that morning I have to say I really savored the peace and quiet that reigned over the next several hours.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing something wrong when I see them behave the way they do.  I read a lot of blogs and they all paint a much rosier picture of home life and sibling relationships than what is my reality.  I know I could just post those pretty pictures from this morning and hide the reality, buuut I try to keep myself honest because I want to be able to look back one day and remember how it really was, the good and the bad.  There is just a lot of fighting around here.  It ranges from minor squabbles over stuff to all-out hair-pulling and biting (that's what they accuse each other of, although I have yet to find tooth marks on anyone or catch anyone in the act).  It's mostly Annie and Timmy, but sometimes involves Delaney, and usually Annie starts it.  Lately it has reached a fever pitch.  I've been putting people in "opposite ends of the house" and timeout quite a bit.  I've been praying for wisdom to know what to do.  When they get along things are wonderful, they're the best of friends and life is good.  But when they fight it's miserable.  Even still Timmy missed them both a lot today.  He told me several times, "I want Duwaney and Annie to come home now."  Absence makes the heart grow fonder.  I told him we'd go get them after his nap.

Pick up went smoothly enough but it was a lot more time-consuming than drop-off.  I still have yet to figure out exactly the right time to leave the house and the perfect route to take.  I left the house at 2:30, got in line at a little after 3 after taking one wrong turn, and she got in the car at 3:25.  I watched her for a long time before she saw I was there.  She looked hot and tired.  She didn't even notice when I was in front of her, and the teachers saw my car tag and called for her.  When she got in the car she seemed to be in a daze and I thought this day must have been like "shock and awe" for her.  By 3:30 we were in line at Delaney's building, and Delaney got in the car at 3:40.  Other than being hot and tired she seemed happy enough.  Timmy got pretty bored sitting in the car all that time, and I was grateful that all this waiting around in the car takes place AFTER I've had my nap and my afternoon cup of tea. 

So that was day 1 of many to come.  I have high hopes for this school year.  I've heard so many good things about this school from the people who sent their kids last year, and I think it's a great opportunity for our kids.  I look forward to telling you more about it.:)

The most ridiculous thing to be sad about..

.. is the loss of a tiny stuffed animal, one of hundreds owned by our children over the years.  But here I sit feeling sad and not knowing what to do because I've looked EVERYWHERE I can think of for this little guy, and he's nowhere to be found.  I think Delaney's even given up the search but for some reason I can't.  And I wonder why she's turning into such a hoarder -- I feel this way about a few things and she feels this way about ALL THE THINGS.

But there's a memory attached to this one and that's why it's so special to me.  Last year around this time we, just the five of us, went on a week-long vacation in Emerald Isle, NC.  We stayed in a house on the beach and everything was so perfect.  It was one of the most fun and relaxing vacations we've ever had from the full moon at night over the water, to grilling burgers and eating them on the deck, to kids playing in the water fully clothed, having fun dinners out every time with three kids (what?).. I could go on and on.  It was like the stars aligned and everything went right.  We could have done without the dolphin boat tour, but would be our only complaint.

During that week Delaney lost her first tooth and the Tooth Fairy, being short on cash, was pretty generous.  She also had earned some money doing chores, so one morning Tim took her out to pick out something to buy.  I think he took her out two separate times because she was so indecisive, and wanted to make sure that the thing she got was the thing she definitely wanted.  (I still have trouble with that myself!)  As a matter of fact she even tearfully regretted her final selection a day later, which was one of the most adorable toys ever: a bright red mama crab with a pouch on her back out of which peeked a little baby crab.  The baby was removable.  Delaney named the mama "Crabby" and the baby "Snappy."  She got over the finality of her decision and came to like them again, a lot.  Crabby and Snappy have remained among Delaney's favorites, one of the several that call her bed home.

About a week or so ago we went to a playgroup in the neighborhood and Delaney wanted to bring Crabby and Snappy.  As we were leaving Delaney said, "Wait a minute, I want to ride my bike!"  So I told her she could go get it and ride her bike to the house which was one street over from ours.  She dashed back to get her bike and her helmet, then she rode and the rest of us walked to the playgroup.  Since there was a bit of a drizzle I carried Delaney's bike up to the front porch to sit under cover, but I took no note of the toy or whether or not it was even there.  Delaney had stuffed it inside the little zipper pouch that sits on her handlebars.  A little while before we left Delaney mentioned that she didn't have Snappy and wanted to go to the porch and find him.  I told her to go ahead.  She said he wasn't there.  I didn't pay much mind to Delaney's concerns at this point because she's always fussing over a stuffed animal and I was too busy trying to make friends.  But after we got home and she was even more upset because she couldn't find him, I carefully re-traced our route back to my friend's house, then turned around and carefully looked at the road and the surrounding grassy area all the way back.  No Snappy.  I asked Delaney if she was sure, if she was positive, she had brought him.  She was adamant that she had, insisting that she remembered seeing him on the ride over and noticed he was gone while we were at the playdate.  I texted my friend asking her to look out.  She texted me later saying that she had searched her house and had walked to my house and back and hadn't found him.

Since then I've looked at the places where she probably ran in a hurry right as we were leaving the house that day.  The garage, the two or three places that helmets have been kept, and then extended my search to everywhere that she plays with toys.  I can't believe how much it bothers me that that little crab is gone.  I've prayed to St. Anthony, apologizing as I do so because he has way more important things to be helping people with.  I've wracked my brain thinking of places to look.  There aren't all that many nooks and crannies in our minimalist home.  I guess the only thing I haven't done yet is empty her and Annie's dresser drawers.  But I have changed their bedding a couple times since then and no Snappy has tumbled out.

Look at Crabby:

Is this not the most forlorn mama crab you've ever seen?  So sad!  I really need to get a hold of myself, don't I?  But it's hard because a day or so ago, Delaney showed me the August page of her calendar and pointed sadly at one of the days, and I said, "What?"  not understanding what she'd written there.  She said, "Snappy's birthday." :'( 

Well, Delaney, we may not ever find Snappy, but you've got to know I gave it my best shot! 

Day in the Life: Summer 2014

Today is Wednesday, July 30 2014.  Delaney is 7, Annie is 5, and Timmy just turned 3.

7:08 a.m. I come out of a deep sleep when Timmy appears next to the bed and asks me to make him breakfast.  I look at the clock and say, "Is your clock yellow yet?"  He grumbles something and I tell him to go back to his room until the clock turns yellow.  He leaves the room and I want to go back to sleep but I know I have a busy morning and I should get up.  I debate whether to get up or go back to sleep until about 7:15.  By then I'm awake enough and I know that I'd better not wait any longer.  Tim is nowhere in sight.  I don't remember him getting ready for work or leaving.  I was really out.  I make my bed and brush my teeth, and beeline to the kitchen for my first cup of coffee.

7:30 a.m. Timmy appears in the kitchen, his clock having finally turned yellow.  He looks so cute standing there with Wuddy in hand, his thumb in his mouth, and that bed head.  I try to take pictures of him just like that but then he lies down on the floor.  To be that drowsy still, he must have gone back to sleep after I sent him back to his room.  The girls are still sleeping, but I know they won't be for much longer.  Soon they appear, and everybody's picking their packet of oatmeal out of the Quaker variety box.

8:00 a.m. Once they're done with breakfast the girls start unloading the dishwasher.  Tim made this their job every morning about two or three weeks ago, I think.  It's been working out really well.  They're a good team.  We're trying to teach them to do more and more things on their own -- not just to help me out but also to have a little independence.  I have completely underestimated what my kids are capable of doing by themselves up to this point.

They're like twins with their matching haircuts by mom!

While that's going on, I head back to my room to get ready.  We have to leave at 8:45 for Timmy's doctor appointment.  The appointment is for 9:20 but we have to be 15 minutes early.  No time to do my hair -- I'll have to just put it in a ponytail again.  In this heat it's really better to have it off my neck anyway.

Clockwise from left: Ready for the day selfie (awkward); the earrings I wear most often that sit on the bathroom vanity; my makeup, deodorant and sundries are housed in an old-fashioned medicine cabinet.

8:40 a.m. I scramble to get everyone and everything together and out the door in a timely fashion.  I am so relieved when I look at the clock as I'm driving down the road and see that it's a little slow compared to the clocks I've been relying on in my house.  Yesterday we had a doctor appointment at the exact same time and it was 7:45 on my dashboard as I was driving there yesterday.  There is plenty of time.  We get there in about 10 minutes.  It's a nice change to get to be so close to our doctors.

9: 15 to 10:30 a.m.  After we check in and Timmy is weighed, measured, has his blood pressure taken, etc., there is a long wait for the doctor.  I didn't mind having to come back here today when I thought we'd be in and out as quickly or even more quickly as we were with the girls' appointments yesterday.  But now we're all getting restless.  I start to think regretfully about how this would be a good morning for the pool, and I remember that all I had for breakfast was a banana..  And then she knocks and steps in with a cheerful greeting -- the kids' new doctor who looks like Barbie in blue camouflage.  They stop bickering and stare up at her in admiration.

It dawns on me why coming to see this doctor might mean having a longer wait sometimes.  She is in absolutely no hurry as she chats with the kids and with me, and exams Timmy.  At one point she asks why she didn't get to look at Timmy yesterday.  I tell her, "I asked a couple times but they said no, only two kids at a time."  (They being the person on the phone when I made the appointment, and the person who weighed and measured the girls yesterday.)  She explains that they had to limit how many they could see at once because some families were coming in with four or five; but she also thinks that they could be lenient about it sometimes.  Then she looks at me and says, "I'm sorry about that."  I appreciate that and tell her that it's only because we moved this summer that I attempted getting the three of them in at once.  Next year I would be taking Annie for her physical closer to her birthday in May, and then take the other two in July. 

The kids love having a grownup who wants to talk to them about kid stuff like their favorite toys and going swimming.  She has plenty to say to me as well.  She advises Windex and vinegar for ant bites.  Everyone has a remedy for ant bites around here.  If I thought North Carolina ants were bad, I had no idea..  At some point she remarks on how I have one kid with blue eyes, one with brown, and one with green.  I say that mine are green and my husband's are brown.  She then asked me about grandparents' eye colors and started talking about alleles and the chances for getting one color vs. another.  As soon as she says "alleles" I remember how fascinated I was in 7th grade science class when we talked about eye color and made the charts with B and b, and learned about dominant and recessive genes.  Then she muses, "I'd be interested to see if you guys had two more, what color of eyes they would end up with .."  I tell her about how my dad has brown eyes and my mom has green, but only one of the five of us kids has brown eyes.  "We beat the odds!"  This is a fun appointment.  

Anyone else remember these charts?  I'm such a dork.

Right before we leave she gives me a printout with Timmy's height and weight and percentiles.  42nd for weight and 65th for height -- "long and lean."  Then out of nowhere she tells me that if I want to know how tall he's going to be fully grown, I should take his height at age 2 and times it by 2.  My curiosity is piqued and I know that as soon as I get home I'm getting out growth charts and I'm calculating full grown heights for all the kids.  And I'll be getting out my own baby growth chart and seeing how tall I should be.  She says it's accurate to within an inch.

10:30 a.m. We leave and go to the commissary next for fruit and some things for tacos tonight.  Once we get home I tell the kids to play until I call them for lunch.

11:30 to 12:30: I feed the kids lunch and Tim come in to change over and go to the gym.  He tells me he's going to be late tonight so I shouldn't wait for him for dinner.  He tells me more about the major who he turned over with two weeks ago, who still hasn't left.  She's driving him crazy because she's sitting around the office doing her homework, and also talking to people and answering questions as if she still has the job.  Tim's job now.  Every day I hear about this person.  I make my own lunch and scarf it down quickly because I'm starving and also because I can't wait to see how tall the kids will be when they grow up.  Timmy wants the last few bites of my wrap, which I feed to him grudgingly.  If I made him one of his own he would never eat it.

I get out my growth charts and open the calculator app on my phone.  Results are as follows: For Timmy I get 5'10" which is probably right on the money because that's about how tall Tim is.  For Delaney I get a surprising 5'5", and I'm like no way is that kid going to be taller than me.  For Annie I get 5'8".  There are some tall genes on both sides of the family so there is a good chance of that.  Lastly, I calculate how tall I should be right now based on my height at 21 months.  My height is recorded at 21 months and 2.5 years, and there's a three-inch difference between the two so I choose 21 months.  5'7" -- four inches taller than I actually am.  Uh-oh.  I'll have to let the doctor know I'm the exception to the rule!  I wish I had Tim's height at age 2.

Well, that was a fun way to pass the time anyway.  Now I need to get the kitchen squared away.  It was a wreck even before we had lunch because I never cleaned up after breakfast.  Not enough time.  Oops. 

The kids want to play a game at the kitchen table.  They've been really into their board games these past couple days.  Delaney is sad because the seashell of her handmade seashell necklace has broken and fallen off.  I tell her that she can find a new one and make another necklace.  But she's still sad.  Oh, Delaney, what will we do with you?  The girls have changed into their Easter dresses just because.  They like to make up dance routines and perform for us sometimes after dinner.

I sit down at the computer and make the rounds of email, Facebook, Feedly and Craigslist.  I stalk Craigslist twice a day hoping to find furniture for this house.  This house is a few hundred square feet bigger than our last house, and we are spreading our furniture out to try to fill it.  Far be it from me to complain about having more space, but I just can't wait for the day when I don't look around and see walls, walls, walls, and carpet, carpet, carpet.  I know, that's complaining.  And it's only been a four weeks since our household goods arrived.  Four weeks is not a long time to make a house into a home but it's too long for me, too long.  Look at this list that sits on my kitchen counter.

If we were to go out and get everything that's on this list right now, there'd be no money for Christmas.  I can only do one or two things per month.  This house is like our Quantico base house, only bigger.  But in the Quantico house there wasn't as much pressure to do anything with it since we were staying just a year.  We're here three years and I'm impatient to get it looking the way it ought to look.  We should be pros at this!  But we've never lived in a house this big before.  It's about 2600 square feet and it has a LOT of windows.  Allow me to show you the entry and living area.

To the left just out of view is a mantel, and our big old flat screen TV is mounted above it with a riot of wires sticking out.  Tim has ordered yet more equipment from Amazon to take care of that, but it has been an arduous process and that's a whole other story.  The area where I stood to take the picture is meant to be a formal dining area.  We've never had a formal dining room, but we've been wanting to upgrade to a bigger table for awhile now so we have more room for guests.  We pondered ordering a new table and putting it here, but we don't think that a dining room table in a carpeted area fits our lifestyle.  One day hopefully we'll have a nicer (but not too nice -- we like the "distressed" tabletops!), bigger and newer table in the eat-in kitchen to serve all purposes.  So then, what do we do with all that space?  Tim wanted to leave it empty while we decided but I had a different idea.  Behold the reading nook.

Isn't it cute and cozy?  I stole the Lazyboy, table and lamp from the living room and it doesn't even miss them.  This is exactly what I mean by spreading the furniture out.  It is a lovely little corner to curl up with a book, but it looks so lost and alone over there.  I don't know what to do with all the space in the middle and I have no clue how to make it look pulled together with the other side of the room.  I would welcome any and all suggestions.  Help!

I get a text from Tim asking me to find something on the computer for him.  I go to open the folder on the external hard drive and I keep getting a message telling me that Windows Explorer is not working.  Since we've moved here our electronics have either broken or are perilously close to it.  I don't know what it is.  First it was the desktop, the same one that broke while Tim was deployed three years ago.  Now it is done for good.  My iPhone that I just got last year keeps acting up and it hasn't been updated in forever because I'm scared of what will happen.  (I also dropped it in the ocean last summer so I'm lucky it works at all.  I accept the blame for my phone's problems.)  Tim's iPad is still going strong so I'll cross my fingers that doesn't change.  We keep the laptop limping along because there is no room in the budget for new computers right now.  Things keep not working, I keep asking Tim for help, and he keeps being annoyed that I can't troubleshoot issues by myself.  Why can't things just work the way they're supposed to?

1 to 3 p.m. It's naptime for Timmy and quiet time for everyone else.  I'm going to take just a little nap myself.

I doze off and the next thing I know is the bedroom door is loudly opening.  It's Tim coming in to change back into his cammies and head back to work.  I love that his office is only a block away from home EXCEPT when he enters the room noisily while I'm trying to take a nap.  He apologizes and then he takes this picture because he knows it's a DITL.  He leaves and I make myself some green tea.

3 to 4:30 p.m.  Timmy's up from his nap and quiet time is over.  I debate what to do with the afternoon.  I'm thinking I could take them to the pool since we didn't go this morning, but they are already getting out the board games and they're so content.  It's looking very overcast now too.  If we go to the pool we're going to just get hungry there and need to go home.  No snacks are allowed at the pool (and with good reason -- we don't need to give the bugs any more reason to bother us!).  I've got plenty to do around here and since Tim's going to be late I decide the kids and I will have an early dinner.  This is turning out to be a pretty boring day.

I made myself a little cleaning schedule because I haven't hired any cleaning help since we've moved here and  I don't plan to.  In NC I had someone come twice a month to clean, and it made a huge difference to me, especially when I was on my own with three little kids and Tim deployed twice.  While I miss the experience of having the whole house sparkling clean at one time, I know it is no longer necessary for me in this season of life.  The kids are bigger and less needy, and I get a full night's rest on a regular basis.  I am so grateful to have been able to get the help when I needed it.  The weekly schedule allows me to do just a chunk at a time, and no one area is ever too disgusting on any given day.  The kids' bathroom does get pretty gnarly by Monday night, though.  Today's task is to vacuum and dust all the living areas and office.  I've been putting a lot of miles on the vacuum in this house.  

This is a free printable from Moneysavingmom.com, the same place I get my monthly menus.  You can use her own schedule or fill it out with your own.  I made my own using hers to help.  So many good things on this website.  

While I'm browning the meat for tacos I hear a noise at the front door, go to look and what do we have here?  Special delivery for Timmy from Grandma!  Few things cause as much excitement in our house as a package full of presents.  The girls are eager to help him and within seconds there is a flurry of boxes and wrapping paper.  The first thing he unwraps is a new outfit and new pajamas.  He says nothing about those and he's on to the next present.  When he opens it up he says, "Woah!  Woah!"  It's a big carrying case with 45 Hot Wheels inside.  He has no words.  He's never seen so many shiny new cars at once.  He starts pulling them out one at a time and lining them up.  The last present is a remote control truck.  What a lucky boy!

4:30 p.m. Dinner is served.  Everybody gets to make their own tacos.  I like the concept because it means everyone gets to pick and choose and everyone gets what they want.  The problem is it's chaos with many little hands grabbing for different things, the little food bits flying everywhere, and it makes a terrific mess.  It also makes for a lot of dirty dishes so it is not my favorite weeknight meal by far, but it's a crowd pleaser so I'll keep it.  It is harder than ever to get Timmy to sit down for dinner when there are so many new toys to play with.  I coax him into eating a couple little helpings of rice, beans and cheese before I give up and let him go play.

5 p.m. Once all the kids are done I spray them with bugspray and send them outside where they run around the playground for a little while and presumably send some of Timmy's new cars down the slide.  Tim texts me asking what time dinner is.  I text back, "Already ate.  Sorry.  Thought you would be late and we were really hungry."

5:30 to 6 p.m. They are done playing outside and they all three can't wait to get their hands on that big box of cars again.  They call me to Timmy's room so I can see the longest line of cars ever.  They want me to take a picture.  Tim shows up right then and he says, "What's this?"

6 to 8 p.m. Tim reheats some dinner and eats it in a hurry.  An Amazon package has also arrived and inside it are the new earrings I got for the girls.  I've told them already that as soon as those earrings arrive they are changing theirs.  We have only changed their earrings a handful of times since we got them pierced in April.  I honestly wish we had never done it because this is what happens every. single. time.

It's awful every time.  They act like we're trying to put a new hole in their earlobes.  They were so brave when the actual piercing occurred, when some guy with pierced, hairy nostrils took a piercing gun to their ears!  They act like we, their own parents, are trying to kill them.  I have no patience for this anymore.  I tell them, "We're taking these earrings out one way or another, and you need never put another pair in.  We'll let the holes close up and at some point later YOU can get them re-pierced when YOU are old enough to take care of it all yourself."

Once Tim takes out the earrings they've been wearing, he cleans the holes with peroxide.  Here's another things I didn't anticipate: these piercings are still scabbing up and bleeding regularly.  Just a couple days ago while they were horsing around in the living room and one of Annie's ear holes started bleeding.  I didn't even know about it until she sat down at the table a while afterward and I happened to notice the blood behind her ear, under it, and on her shoulder.  Neither of them ever complain about pain, but it makes me uncomfortable that every time the piercings are disturbed in any way they usually bleed.

If it were up to me we'd just let the piercings close up, but Tim has a lot more patience than me, and he is willing to do this again and again just like this.

After that drama is over the kids go back to playing with the cars.  Tim hopes to get some work done here, and that's why he came home earlier than he told me before.  But that is not to be.  I want to hang a picture gallery on the enormous wall across from the kitchen, so I hang up the template repeatedly and try to get it level.  Tim has been against me hanging this gallery for some reason.  He thinks I should buy some big piece of art to put there instead and I'm baffled as to why.  I thought he liked this gallery as much as I did, and we already have it in our possession.  It's free!  He complains that I think every empty wall needs something (it does), and he disagrees.  I've decided to do it myself but I'm having trouble with it.  He sighs.  "You're going to make me get up, aren't you?"  He helps me with the rest of it and when it's finally up and every frame is hanging straight I know he knows this looks better than any wall art we could find.  Another wall conquered, an item on the long list checked off.  Tim has none of the burning desire that I have to fully furnish and decorate this house.

The sun has come out for the last couple hours of the day, and I love the way the light glows through the moss in the trees.  I snap a couple pictures from our back deck and then we tell the kids it's time to get ready for bed.  They get in their pajamas and brush their teeth.  I read them their religion lesson, we say prayers and then it's lights out for three little kids.  We don't hear anything from the girls but Timmy comes out a couple times.  At one point I go in there and put my face real close to his and ask him if he remembers how his door was locked from the outside when we were in NC.  He nods.  I tell him he'd better not come back out or else ..  Then he squishes my cheeks together with his hands and starts giggling at my mushed up face as I try to give him the rest of the warning.  I give up.  That kid is so lucky he's cute.  But seriously, he needs to stay in his room.

8 to 10:30 p.m.  I get a glass of wine and I upload pictures and start working on this post.  I get a Facebook message inviting me to a playgroup in the neighborhood the next morning.  At first I'm inclined to think I'd rather take them to the pool tomorrow since they haven't gotten to go the last two mornings.  Besides, Delaney and Annie will be bored because it will probably be babies and toddlers there.. But by morning I will have changed my mind and I will go because it is a chance to meet people and I can't pass that up.  Making friends has been a slow process because I haven't learned anything from my last experience of moving to a new place.  I'm a fish out of water again, I don't like driving places because I hate the feeling of not knowing where I am and being completely dependent on my GPS.  I can't stand that I have yet to connect all the dots of the places I've been to form a picture of where I am in relation to everywhere else.  I still feel like a stranger in a strange land much of the time.  I just want to feel like I'm part of a community again, and I want things to be familiar and comfortable again.  I'm hoping that once school starts it will be easier to because I will be out more and there will be more opportunities to form friendships.  Or I will just become too busy to care either way.  I know it will get better just like it did the other times but I'm ready for it to happen now!  

And that's our day.  

Reading back through this post I think I can definitely say this was my whiniest DITL post of all time.  Sorry about that!  Hopefully the next one will be more upbeat.  I'm trying to work on gratitude.