Day in the Life: Fall 2014

Today is Monday, October 20.  Delaney is 7, Annie is 5 and Timmy is 3.

6:30 a.m. My alarm goes off.  I get up, go through my routine of making the bed and brushing my teeth, turn on the light in the girls' room --- "Time to get up and get ready for school!" -- then head out to the kitchen to make coffee.  It's so dark outside, and there's just a little chill in the air that makes the bed feel extra cozy, and makes it extra hard to get going in the morning.

6:55 a.m. Timmy never has trouble getting going in the morning.  He lines up his little Star Wars guys that his cousin Alexa sent him a few days ago because that's the kind of thing he does as soon as he rolls out of bed.

7:00 a.m. I drink my coffee, check email on my phone and sleepily survey what everyone else is up to as the clock ticks closer to time to leave for school.  Annie goes about her own little morning routine at which she is very efficient, not needing any prodding from me: Dressed and shoes on: check (she'd already draped her clothing choices over her footboard the night before). Teeth brushed: check.  Lunch removed from fridge and inspected, and frozen Gogurt added to the bag: check.  She notices that there are only three things in there instead of the usual four, and I say, "OK, I'll put a no-bake chocolate oatmeal bar in there."  Oops.  She approves.  Two types of cereal measured into a cup and poured in her bowl along with milk: check.  The only thing that remains to be done is her hair, and that's not a task that I'm ready to turn over to her just yet.  She has learned to put her hair into a ponytail and she practices all the time, but she can't get it to look pretty yet.  It kind of looks like something tried to eat her head.  So we have an agreement that I'll fix her hair before school and Mass.  I go back to check on Delaney a couple times and she is moving at a snail's pace.

By the end of the day, only a fraction of this deliciousness will remain, and most of it will have been eaten by me.

7:20 a.m. Annie is completely done and ready to leave as Delaney finally makes her appearance in the kitchen.  I catch her scooping up little crumbs of Tim's birthday cake from the pan that I've left soaking overnight.  "Do we need to have a sugar intervention, Annie?"  A couple days ago, for Tim's birthday, I made my first attempt at cake from scratch, even the buttercream frosting.  The cake was overcooked and crumbly but everyone liked the frosting but me.  It was so, so sweet.  Way too sweet.  The kids loved it best of all, so it's no surprise that Annie was salvaging what she could from the sides of that pan.  We don't eat many sweets in this house.  The no-bake chocolate oatmeal bars are as sweet as it usually gets, and that is pretty sweet but it has some healthy stuff in it too.  They know the difference.

Guilty!

7:28 a.m. Delaney sits down to her breakfast of Quaker instant oatmeal, and she has exactly six minutes to eat it.  I fix her hair as she sits there.  With time being of the essence, I do one small ponytail with the hair in the front of her head that has always had a mind of its own.  Get that hair out of the way and she's good to go.  I brush the rest of it until it shines.  She has such smooth, shiny hair.  I'm a little bit jealous. 

7:35 a.m. We start making our way out the door, and I make sure they both have lunches and water bottles.  Five minutes later we're backing out the driveway and I've got my travel mug full of coffee at the ready.  It's 59 degrees outside as the sun is just coming up.  Delaney took my advice and is wearing a sweatshirt but Annie opted not to.  The sunrise is so beautiful and I wish I could snap pictures but I can't because I'm driving.  By 8:05 I've dropped them both off.  All the teachers who are waiting outside are wearing sweatshirts and jackets, and after Annie gets out of the car I remark that I wish I could put a sign on her that reads, "My mother suggested I wear a sweatshirt."

They're in their assigned seats: Annie is in the middle row on the way TO school and in the third row on the way FROM school.  She's the first out in the morning and the first in in the afternoon.

8:30 a.m. We're home.  Timmy wants to pretend he's a "baby doggy" as I unbuckle him from his car seat.  He sucks on his hand and I say, "Do baby doggies suck on their paws?"  He's silly.

It's a typical Monday, which for us usually means housework for me and yoga at the Y and not much else.  We leave for yoga at a little after 10, so that gives me an hour-and-a-half to eat breakfast and do whatever else I need or want to get done until then.  I turn on Disney Jr for Timmy and make my usual two eggs to be eaten with a banana for my breakfast.  As the eggs are cooking I unload the dishwasher and load it with the kids' breakfast dishes.  Yeah, I haven't been making the girls do that since school started.:/  Then I start a load of laundry.  

Once I've eaten and cleaned up I take a picture.  I am really happy with the way it's looking now.  We finally got curtains -- why does selecting curtains have to be one of the most difficult decisions I ever make?  That took me weeks to accomplish, and even after they were up I second-guessed my choice (and that's the worst).  But then we got this 'new to us' table from Craigslist to replace the one we'd grown out of, and Tim repainted the old red toy bench so we have the perfect place for our shoes and bags and whatnot.  It's all come together and it looks homey.  And so functional.  This area of the house was a bare wasteland and a thorn in my side for what felt like forever but couldn't have been since we've only lived here for three months total.:)  But now I look at it and makes me smile.

This week's agenda

9:10 a.m. I have about an hour until I have to leave for the Y.  Today is one of those days I'm going to dig deep for the motivation to get us out of here. There is so much to be done around here and we're both so content at home.  Timmy can run outside and play whenever he wants and I have laundry to put away, rooms that need to be vacuumed and dusted, and bathrooms always hurting for attention.  The windows are open and the sun is shining, and on days like this I'm happy to clean.  But I know that the yoga is good for me and I'm always glad when I go.  So I'll have to see what I can get done in an hour.

I start with the girls' room and Timmy keeps me company, rolling his cars around on the Lowe's box that Delaney used this past weekend has her "dollar store" table.  I'm always amused by the way he talks to himself as he does this, having the cars talk to each other and every so often breaking into song -- "Boom, crack.." (I just Googled and it's really "Boom, clap", I see.)

A Land of Nod catalog has been left on the floor open to a page full of tents.  A hint, perhaps?  I know Norah, their friend next door, has a tent of some kind.  I don't know about a tent for this room, but I grab the catalog because I could use some inspiration for decorating here.  We haven't gotten around to it yet but hope to in the next couple months.  I can't wait until we have curtains on these windows.  I wanted to use the curtains we got when Annie had her own room in NC for about five minutes, but we were short a couple panels and Land of Nod had stopped selling them.  Tim found a set of Land of Nod panels on eBay that claimed to be pink gingham, but in the picture they looked more purple than pink --which could just be the lighting of the picture --  but we can't take that chance.  We'll have to find something new.  Should I keep the pink gingham ones in case we could use them in the future, or sell them?  I'm thinking sell.  I've been selling a lot of things lately and it's addicting.

The girls have a lot of knicknacks that are crammed onto the dresser and bookcase, and there are many more still stored in the top drawer of the dresser.  A lot of them have sentimental value but we will never be able to display it all, and I don't know if we need to have all this stuff.  What do I do with the cupcakes they painted at Annie's birthday party?  What does one do with these things?  They have a nice shelf propped against the bookcase that, once mounted on the wall, can house their Precious Moments birthday train and a few other things that need to be kept out of reach.

So .. that motivated weekly chore planner that I was using in my last 'Day in the Life?' That fizzled out quickly once school started.  I now tackle housework the same way I suspect most people do: I notice something that needs to be cleaned and I clean it. Or else I try not to look at it too closely until I can get to cleaning it.  Some things like mopping the floors might wait an entire month.  But the kids' bathroom gets a disproportionate amount of time spent -- at least four times a week it needs some emergency cleaning session just to get it by.  And it always smells like pee, no matter what.  This weekend I gave it a thorough cleaning, floor, base of toilet and everything.  10 minutes later I walked by and caught a whiff of pee.  I know I could just plug in an air freshener and call it a day, but doesn't that just mask the problem?  Yes it does, and that's the whole point.  I do not remember having this problem with their bathroom in the last house.  And having someone paid to clean it twice a month could not alone have kept the pee smell at bay.  Hmm.

I don't remember what he was crying about here.  He was probably just giving me a hard time about something.

I run through Timmy's room with the vacuum and duster, and then it's time to get ready to go.  Here I am dressed for yoga -- pretty much the way I dress anyway if I have nowhere special to be.

Then I go out to the front porch to take pictures because I can't get over how pretty this view is.  And I want to show you the wreath that I made myself, of which I'm very proud.  The OSC also has a craft club, and all you do is RSVP and bring money for supplies, and the organizer tells you what to do.  I was like, 'Sign me up!'  As I'm out there taking pictures something catches my eye down on the floor next to the door.  We've been boo-ed!  Somebody left us a bag of treats.  What a nice little surprise. 

10:00 a.m. We need to leave in the next five minutes and Timmy's still not dressed and I need to fill my water bottle, make sure I have all my stuff..  I'm feeling so discombobulated all of a sudden and it's taking every ounce of will I have to propel us out the door and down the stairs to the car.  Timmy has to make sure he has no fewer than 10 cars clutched in his hands and he moves so slowly when it's time to go anywhere.  I can't find his sneakers which he prefers to wear, so I tell him he has to wear his Crocs.  I can't shake the feeling that I really would rather stay home.  But I like yoga and the Y is only 15 minutes away, I can do this!

10:23 a.m. We're there with a few minutes to spare.  I park in my usual spot, open Timmy's door, unbuckle him, and wait for him to make his way out -- in his own sweet time, thank you very much.  I grab my yoga mat out of the back and turn to see him finally emerging from the car looking like a cute little movie star.  So of course I snap a photo.

Then I'm like, "OK, let's go", and I steer him out of the way and shut his door.  And then before I can make a move to stop him he tries to catch the door (so he can close it himself, of course).  And to my horror the door closes on his tiny fingertips.  I open the door quickly, scared to death of what I'm going to see, but his fingers look absolutely fine.  He cries anyway and tells me they hurt.  I'm sure they do hurt, but they're going to be OK.  I hold and comfort him and carry him in the door.  By the time we get inside he's done crying but he's being uncharacteristically clingy.  I take him into the child watch room and he doesn't want to let go of my neck.  At this point it is maybe a minute until yoga starts and I'm worried that I might have to leave him crying here.  But the lady who works there chats him up and gives him high-fives and I slip out of there feeling immensely relieved.  And still shaking a little from how scared I was when the door shut on his fingers.

Something is wrong when I walk into the room where yoga is held.  The lights are on and some older guy is standing in the instructor's spot with an exercise ball.  People are arranged in a semi-circle, all with exercise balls.  I'm thinking, 'What in tarnation is happening here?'  I ask if the schedule has changed and am told that the yoga teacher is out and there will be a core stability class instead.  Then a friend of mine from OSC turns and gives me a bright smile and a wave.  She's here!  While we were making wreaths last week I told her how much I like this yoga class because she was talking about how she has a Y membership and is having a hard time making herself go.  I talked it up to her, telling her how it's all ages and abilities, I enjoy it so much, blah blah.  And here she is and there's no yoga.  Oh well.

We all stand around waiting, it's 10:35, and the instructor is making no move to start the class, just conversing with different people.  I get bored and start chitchatting with my friend about this and that.  Then I'm distracted by a hissing sound from behind her, and I glance out of the corner of my eye, and there is some lady trying to shush me.  Yes, and she's waving her arms.  Is she serious?  The nerve of her!  I look and see that the instructor is no closer to starting the class than he was 20 seconds ago, and then I smile at the shushing lady so she knows that I noticed her, and keep talking to my friend.  Because passive aggressiveness is a skill of mine.  I see her out of the corner of my eye looking madder and madder, and you know, I'm starting to feel mad too.  If this were yoga class and the lights were down, I wouldn't have to see her grumpy face.  Between this and the car door incident and Timmy's moodiness, this day is starting to go off the rails.  Now I know I should have stayed home in my nice little bubble.

When the class starts --and I shut my yapper, haha -- it is a core stability class intended for seniors.  It is very boring.  It's stuff like hold your foot out in front of you six inches off the floor, raise your left arm .. It's like an hour-long field sobriety test and it's not a suitable substitute for yoga.  I will send an email later on to the Y, asking them nicely to give notice via email or Facebook when the yoga teacher isn't going to be there so I don't waste my time and my gas.

11:30 a.m. Timmy and I are on our way home again, that nonsense behind us.  Time for lunch and a nap.  As soon as we get in the door Timmy gets to pick either a fruit snack or a Gogurt from the fridge.  He picks a fruit snack.  The rest of his lunch is PB&J and Greek yogurt.  I heat up a couple slices of leftover pizza for myself.  When he's done with lunch I let him pick a piece of candy from the treat bag we got that morning.  Then I read him a story and put him down for a nap.

12:30 to 2:30 p.m.  Now that it's Timmy's nap I clean up the kitchen, put the laundry in the dryer and water my little potted mums.  Then I try to take a short nap myself but it isn't happening.  I make a cup of jasmine green tea and read the new blog posts in my Feedly.  I check the 10-day forecast.  You couldn't ask for better around these parts.

2:30 p.m. I usually have to wake Timmy up at this point but he hears the recycling truck and runs out to the porch to watch it.  After he's seen it doing its thing we go through our little post-nap ritual of he uses the potty and then gets two Mentos -- one for him and one for me -- which we then get to put in our mouths once we're buckled up in the car.  The Mentos help us a lot both with getting him up from his nap in a timely fashion and with making sure he pees before our hour-long roundtrip to school.  He likes being in charge of the Mentos, especially when I ask for mine before I'm in the car and buckled up, and he tells me no, and I say, "But I really want it NOW!"  He doesn't mind having a taste of his own medicine.   And they help with stinky nap breath.:)

2:50 p.m. We leave for school.  We pick up Annie first and Delaney second, as always.  Then we stop at the library before we head home.  I am extra generous today and let them each pick out at least three books.  Delaney gets four because she speeds through her books and always needs something else to read.  We'll go back next Monday.  Before we leave everyone needs to use the potty.  There is a munchkin size potty in the children's section which Annie and Timmy like, but for some reason Delaney is freaked out by it and would rather wait until we get home.  Then we check out and everyone takes his/her bag of books and we head home.

Don't you hate it when you try to grab a paper towel and you just get tiny bits?

4:30 to 5:00 p.m. We're home.  Delaney sprints to the bathroom and Annie and Timmy help me bring in the trash can and recycling bins.  Then they have a snack and the girls do their reading and fill out their logs.  This is another thing that Annie does with no reminding.  I love the way she does things on her own.  When the books and reading log first started coming home, the log was supposed to be filled out by a parent, but Annie always wanted to do it by herself, not even letting me initial it.  She initials it herself.  When I mentioned it to her teacher during open house, she said she saw it and thought it was great.  As for Delaney, I looked at her log and saw it blank and said, "Why haven't you been logging your reading?"  She sighed, "I just don't have the time."  I laughed out loud at that and said, "How soon you forget what it was like for you last year, when you did homework from the minute you got off the bus until dinnertime, and then sometimes AFTER dinner..  You have so much more freedom this year."  And so do I!  

5:00 p.m. They go outside to play.  What a fantastic day to not have anywhere else to be.  It is beautiful here.  Now that it's fall this is my honeymoon with Parris Island.  We have chilly mornings and warm days with not much humidity.  I leave the windows open all day and breathe fresh air.  I hear the noise of kids playing and the shouts of drill instructors and recruits.  It's all music to my ears.  When it was still summer, I shut myself inside this house and tried not to break the seal.  Because the heavy, humid air.  The bugs.  The smell of wet towels, which is what the marshes smell like when it's hot.  Now they smell like the ocean.  When I was a recruit here myself 16 long years ago from June to September, I described it as the armpit of the world.  I would still describe it that way, for about a quarter of the year.  It looked nice and green outside my window but I just couldn't be out there.  It was uninhabitable as far as I was concerned.  I'd send the kids out to play for a little bit but I couldn't blame them when they came running back in after less than 30 minutes.

It's hard to imagine that was just a few weeks ago.  Today I am overcome with gratitude for such a nice place to live and watch our kids play.  I step outside to check on Timmy from time to time.  What a lucky boy he is to have so much space to roam safely.  I tell him he has to stay where I can see him from the yard and he has to look out for cars on that shared driveway.  It also helps that the speed limit in this neighborhood is 20 and is enforced, which makes a huge difference.  I look out to see him on the playground with some other kids or sitting at the picnic table with another little boy, rolling his cars around.  

As it gets closer to 5:30 I get hungry so I heat up last night's spaghetti and meatballs and steam some broccoli.  I'll wait awhile to call them in since they're having so much fun.

6:00 p.m. I call them in for dinner.  When Delaney and Annie see me waiting there taking pictures they start making goofy faces.

They eat their spaghetti and meatballs, pick a piece of candy from the treat bag, and then I let them go outside for just a little while longer until it's time to come in for bath and shower.  Delaney is sad because as I'm making them come in, her friend Norah is just coming outside.  But it's starting to get dark and Norah won't be out for much longer either.  This does not make Delaney feel better, as she wishes to spend every waking moment with her friend.

6:30 to 7:30 p.m. I give Annie and Timmy a bath, Delaney takes a shower, and they all get in their pajamas and brush their teeth.  While we wait for Delaney to finish up and join us, Annie looks at one of her new library books with Timmy.  

I read them a Bible story.  Tonight it's Moses and the Israelites crossing the Red Sea.  Then we say our prayers and I kiss them goodnight and turn out the light.  Then I bring Timmy over to his room and do the same.  But since we've just been to the library, Delaney really wants to read and so I look the other way when she goes into the bathroom, shuts the door and doesn't come out.  She'll read on the toilet for about 20 minutes until I make her go to bed.  Timmy took the Bible with him when he left the girls' room, and now he brings it out in the hallway where there's a little bit of light, to look at one particular picture.  The picture is of Joseph's brothers dragging him to toward a hole in the ground.  He's dressed only in a loincloth, the beautiful robe his father gave him is lying on the ground, and I think it's all pretty self-explanatory.  But not to Timmy.  "What is that guy doing?"  "What is that guy doing?"  "Why does he have that look on his face?  What's he saying?"  This isn't the first time he's looked at that picture and asked the same exact questions.  I'm sure that he is listening intently to all my answers; he just likes to hear them again and again, especially if I say them in different ways.  

Annie alone lies in bed with the blankets up to her chin, ready to go to sleep.  I give her hugs and kisses.  You wouldn't know it tonight, but she can be my most challenging and complicated child.  But there is so much sweetness and goodness in her too, and today she's been standing out as a great student and a wonderful child to me.  When she's good she's very, very good..  

8:00 to 10:00 p.m. Once they're all settled, I make the girls their lunches and clean up the kitchen.  Delaney has forgotten to bring home her lunch bag and her water bottle.  I'll have to dig up another lunch bag and she'll have to bring Timmy's water bottle.  That girl.. She forgets things all the time.  Annie never forgets her stuff -- thank goodness one of them is capable of taking home everything she brings to school!  Delaney is capable too, but she'll need some tough love.  Tim shared an article on Facebook today about the "no-rescue" approach to kids who forget things.  You forgot it?  Oh well, you do without.  Otherwise you never learn, we all know that.  There is a quote in there that I take to heart: "A kid who always forgets has a parent who always remembers."  I agree with that, but the thing is, when Delaney forgets her lunch or her water bottle in the morning, I have to take it to her.  She can't starve, and a school lunch has to be purchased the week before.  I know this because I called and asked one morning if it was OK to just buy lunch so I wouldn't have to make the 25 minute drive to school.  They have no extras, I was told.  As far as a forgotten water bottle goes I say, "Delaney, can't you just drink out of the water fountain for one day?"  That's what I did as a kid -- we didn't tote around water bottles.  She says, "I could, but the water fountain is broken."  (I know I need to clarify with the teacher that there is no single source of water in that building for a kid who has no water bottle.  That seems fishy.)  There was one time she did without a water bottle all day and she was so thirsty when I picked her up that afternoon that I felt bad.  I know how I feel when I go one hour without water.  Like my mouth is cotton.  She went all day.  I was a forgetful kid too, who never learned to remember things until my own safety net was gone.  So I try not be too hard on her.  But it is frustrating and stressful to have her forget things all the time.

See, I told you.

How interesting the aspects of their personalities that have emerged now that they're both in school.  I've heard great things about them from their teachers so far, but they have very different ways, that is for sure.

I take a shower and spend some time relaxing on the couch before bed.  I look at the photos from this day and begin this post.  I talk to Tim for a little while before I go to sleep.  He's in Virginia this week.  He tells me about how he had dinner with his good friend and his family who live in Stafford, and how he has a new job he hates.  He gets up in the wee hours every morning to commute to the Pentagon, works long days, only sees the kids for a few hours on the weekends, and it's really rough.  He's only a month-and-a-half into it and it's stressing him out and wearing him down.  I really feel for all of them.  Their kids are Delaney and Annie's ages and they must miss their daddy so much.  I am struck by how good we have it here.  Tim does a lot of traveling, but when he's here, he's here.  Tim says a deployment would be easier than their situation and I would have to agree.  I know Tim is doing everything he can to steer clear of the Pentagon for the rest of his days in the Marine Corps, and it's also good to know that he has 20 years in and he can retire if push comes to shove.

We say goodnight and I turn out the light and go right to sleep.  And that's another Day in the Life!

An unexpected guest

Last Friday was the end of a long and aggravating week, and even though it was Friday I was still not in a good mood.  Tim would be getting home that night after a few days in Virginia, but he could not get home quick enough for me.  I'd had it, I was done.  That afternoon after I picked up the girls from school I discovered that I had not added enough flour into the breadmaker, and the resulting pizza dough was of a wet and gooey consistency.  I would not be making pizza that night.  Tim would be home in less than an hour and he would be hungry.  We were all getting hungry, so I placed an order for pizza at place out in town that we had heard was good, and we left right away to pick it up.

Arriving back home a half hour later I was relieved to see Tim's truck in front of the house.  I had crossed the finish line of this never-ending week!  I parked in the garage and walked in the kitchen door with the pizza.  He said, "What's this, you bought pizza?  I invited someone to dinner and told them how good our homemade pizza is."

My mind started racing and my stress level immediately shot back up.  I only had one large pizza and we were having company.  "Who did you invite?" I asked.  "They're in the living room," he answered.  Oh my goodness, they're already here and we're talking about them, I thought, and walked through the doorway into the living room to say hi.  It took a couple seconds for my stunned brain to register that the figure on the couch was MY SISTER GRACE who lives 700 miles away in Cincinnati, and I haven't seen her since Christmas, the last person I expected to see sitting there, and ohmygosh, I am not seeing things, that's really her!  In a second we were laughing and hugging and the kids were watching wide-eyed.  Tim and Grace had surprised me again, just like they had five years ago.  I remember the last time like it was yesterday.  We were living in Massachusetts, Annie was a few weeks old and I had just returned with her from a friend's baby shower.  I was tired and probably hoping for a rest, and when I came up the stairs to the main floor of our condo, there was Grace in the kitchen.  I remember hugging her and then looking at her and saying, "Is this really happening?  Are you really standing her in my kitchen?"  It was one of the best surprises of my life, and here it was happening again.  I was overjoyed.  I had not seen this coming, not at all.

I was so excited to find out she'd be with us for a whole seven days.  After the week I'd had, I knew I had the best week coming.  We didn't even even do anything extraordinary -- mostly just hung around the house or close by.  We went to the farmer's market on Saturday and brought home yummy Indian food.  I took her to my two yoga classes and I only made her laugh out loud once.  On Monday night since it was finally sunny we went to the waterfront downtown and got ice cream.  Then we did mostly typical weekday stuff, but having her here to do it with me made it fun.  She was a huge help to me around the house too.  

Tim liked having someone else around to pick on.  For instance: "Timmy's being extra difficult this afternoon ... Grace!"  "It won't stop raining.. Grace!"  Pretty much everything that went wrong was Grace's fault whether she had anything to do with it or not but she knew it was all in good fun.

Beaufort waterfront, one of our new favorite haunts

Grace laughed for days about a conversation she had with Timmy that went like this:

Grace: Who says 'Ruh-roh', Timmy?

Timmy: I don't know.

Grace: Scooby-Doo!

Timmy: 'Scuse who?  'Scuse me too!

I have always told my kids that if an aunt is from Ohio we call her short 'a' sound antie, and if they're from New England we call them auntie (ahntie) with the British pronunciation.  I thought it would also help them to keep track of who's who and who lives where in the family tree.  But after this week I think I've finally given up on that system.  Grace and I were talking in the kitchen and mentioned our aunt Maggie, and Timmy said, "Who?"  I told him that she's our aunt, like how he has aunts (ants).  He kept staring blankly at me until I said, "She's our ah-nt, like your aunties."  He was like, "Oh!"  I threw my hands up and laughing, I said, "I give up!  I thought I'd try to keep some of the midwest in these kids but I'm failing!"  From now on they are all just going to be British aunties because even I was having trouble keeping them straight anyway, and I was referring to Grace as a British auntie half the time.  We agreed that my sisters and sister-in-law might all think it's special to have a few of their nieces and nephews calling them the fancy-sounding auntie anyway.

She wouldn't let either her daddy or auntie Grace touch that tooth, but they were there for moral support and to coach her as she tried to wiggle it out herself.  I've never seen anything like that tooth.  It was extremely loose for many weeks before it came out.  It could twist this way and that, and even be parallel to the floor.  Grace said it was like a door on hinges!  It finally came out on its own the day after Grace left.

This past Saturday, Grace's flight wasn't until late afternoon, so we spent a few hours wandering around Savannah's historic district.  It was such a beautiful southern fall day, sunny and 75, and I walked around with my mouth gaping as I took in all the sights in all their sun-dappled splendor.  The park, the flowers, the houses, the canopies of mossy oaks.. I took lots of pictures of Grace -- and she didn't like that too much -- but I had to, it was my last chance.

Some lady at the park was putting on a little show with her birds for passersby, and letting them hold them.  We got a kick out of this, especially Delaney with the giant bird on her shoulder.

All too soon, it was time to drive to the airport and say goodbye.  It was hard for all of us to see her go, but I am so grateful for the time we had together, and grateful to Tim for making it happen.  It's so funny that only weeks before, I'd posted a picture on Facebook after Tim's aunt, uncle and cousin stopped by for dinner, and this was my caption in part: "First family visitors at the new house.  Who's next?;)"  I literally had no idea it was going to be Grace.  I wasn't expecting anyone until Tim's parents in early December.  But the guest room was ready, and I'd even cleaned the bathrooms and vacuumed the floors that day -- not that Grace cares about that at all, but it made me happy.

We miss you!

This and That

I've been neglecting this old blog for way too long as I wait for all the random thoughts in my head to organize themselves into something cohesive, but on this gloomy morning I give up on that.  It's time for an update.

Now that school is in full swing and has been for the last several weeks, I am feeling almost all the way settled here.  After so many jaunts around Beaufort for school, library, TJMaxx, all the nice antique stores, I no longer need to rely on the GPS.  That's always a relief because the hardest thing about being in a new place to me is feeling so lost all the time.  Every weekday morning I leave between 7:35 and 7:45, depending on the day, to take the girls to school 25 minutes away.  Every afternoon we pick leave to pick them up at 10 of 3, and most of the time I have to wake Timmy up from his nap.  The girls are taking ballet one afternoon a week.  I've joined the Y, which is just a few minutes outside the gate.  I do yoga two mornings a week there, run on the treadmill, and Timmy gets the socialization he's really wanting every time he asks me if he can go to school.  [The answer to that is definitely no, because I see no reason to spend the extra time and gas on dropping off and picking up another kid somewhere.  Next year I'll probably let him do Pre-K at the DoD school, and he'll take a bus.]  The girls will be doing soccer at the Y starting next month.

Dance party in the rain after school

The girls seem happy at school.  Annie was the one I really worried about the first few days when she'd say things like, "I don't like school" and "I don't want to go back."  But now when I pick her up she tells me about her friends, trips that they're going to go on, all kinds of things.  She reads to me every night from the books her teacher sends home, and I don't have to remind her to do it.  She's doing great with sounding out words, and starting to recognize sight words, and I can tell her confidence is growing.  She'll say to me, "I bet I know how to spell ___."  And then she'll say the letters and get most, if not all, right.  Tonight at her teacher's open house, I got a look at her math journal, where she solves problems by drawing pictures.  Her teachers told me that she talks a streak to the other kids but still doesn't want to talk to them or any adults. Oh, Annie.  We've got to fix that.  Delaney likes school pretty much too, and is always cheerful at drop-off and pick-up.  Aside from her 20-minute reading requirement, she usually doesn't have any homework.  It is so nice.  No more long afternoons at the table with a timer.  I quickly learned to save every bit of writing and art that makes it home in her folder, whereas last year I needed to be a lot more selective with what work of art or writing exercise was worth keeping.  At this school they have a policy of not using much paper, and they will creatively find ways to avoid printing lots of paper.  I approve of that 100%.  At a volunteer orientation I was told about how one deck of cards replaces 2000 math worksheets.  Yay for fewer worksheets and not having to be Delaney's jailer every day!  Although, as Tim pointed out, it does make it harder to know what she's learning at school without the paper trail.  It was a big change to go from the chunky binder and paper overload last year to this year with the emailed (vague) reports that say she's doing well, and every now and then a math handout or picture she drew that makes it home.  The math so far is fairly easy addition and subtraction, so not yet where she was at the end of last year.  Lately she's been telling me a lot of South Carolina facts, such as the state bird is the carolina wren and the state butterfly is the tiger swallowtail.  They went on a walking tour of downtown Beaufort a few days ago to look at landmarks and got to handle the little crabs who live by the water.  I don't doubt that a lot of learning is taking place, but I think once I start volunteering, I will get a much better idea of it.

I've joined the Officer Spouses Club for the first time ever since becoming a spouse.  Living here on base, it was like 'why not?'  Their president is the first person to reach out to me back when we were still looking around and trying to decide where to live.  She lives right down the street from me and her teenage daughter is now my kids' babysitter, and they love her and so do we.  I was invited to eat with their dinner club that night back in February, and they were all so welcoming.  They have a few 'sub clubs' that I've joined: dinner club, playgroup, book club, and I may or may not join the wine club.  I do like my wine.:)  So now I'm on a friendly wave, hi and chitchat basis with several of them, but it's too soon to tell whether any real friendships will come out of this for me.

I like our new parish even more since we started going to the 9:30 a.m. Sunday Mass at the Air Station 20 minutes away instead of the quiet little Saturday evening Mass here at Parris Island.  I like how many young families I see walking in the door (the pews are far from being filled up, but still).  I would really, really like to get to know some of those families more, but beyond a few introductions (thanks also to my friend in the OSC who is active in that parish) that hasn't happened yet.  I know I'm partly to blame for that because once Mass is over, and then CCD which lasts until noon, all I want to do is get home and take a break.  There was a picnic starting at noon a couple weeks ago and I told Tim I couldn't even imagine a picnic at noon -- swatting at flies and making small talk when all I want is to eat and nap.  I am not good at the mingling and socializing stuff, even when there's time to kill between Mass and CCD, and then during CCD.  It's a strange paradox: I like people but I don't want to make any of the effort required to get to know them.  I just want to skip to the part where we see each other and go, "Hey!"

Sending Daddy off on a trip

Tim travels frequently with this new job, about two weeks out of every month, give or take.  I am back to doing a lot of solo parenting during the week, but at least he's almost always home on the weekends.  I'll take have him traveling a couple weeks a month over him being gone months at a time on a deployment.  When he's here, his office is about a block away from where we live.  I thought that his being so close would mean that he'd be home a lot more in the afternoons/evenings, but that hasn't been the case.  If he's able to get home at a decent time he'll tell me in the morning, "Text me to remind me to get home by 5."  Most of the time he's home just in time for dinner at 6 which is later than I'd like.  Sometimes he'll just tell me not to expect him for dinner, he has catching up to do, he'll get there when he gets there.  At our last duty station he had the 15-minute commute, but when he was around, he was home easily in time for 5:30 dinner most nights.  Having him so close and his days still so long is not what I expected, but that's OK, I know he's got to do what he's got to do.

This next paragraph was originally a long-winded and whiny paragraph about how Tim had to go right to work immediately after checking in here and never had a big chunk of time to devote to getting things done around here before he started being gone a lot, blah blah.  And how we can't decide whether to paint or which color to use, blah blah.  How I ordered new curtains and I'm worried I'll hate them when they get here.  And how I have no decorating sense at all and I've been begging my sister Anna for ideas, which she has been happy to give.  And how we still don't have enough furnishings to fill these big spaces, and I don't know when it will ever look the way I want.  Reading through it was very boring and tiresome.  I truly am grateful, despite the challenges it poses, to have all this space in a house.  I would rather have this problem than the opposite problem!  One of these days I'll get it the way I want it, or at least mostly, and hopefully I don't drive Tim too crazy in the process.

One bit of miscellany that I'm a little late in sharing: A few weeks ago I got a text from Jessica, whose house was the first playgroup we attended here.  It was very strange, out of the blue: "Are any of you allergic to poison ivy?"  I replied, "Not that I know of.  Why?"  She said, "I just found Delaney's crab in a patch of it."  I let out a whoop of joy, thanked her (and silently St. Anthony) and within a short while Crabby and Snappy were reunited.  Delaney was very ho-hum about it -- I guess she'd already moved on -- but it makes me smile to see the two of them sitting on her bed.  Sometimes it's the little things that bring you the most joy.  And yes, I realize sometimes the little things become way too big of a deal.

When the conditions are just right -- me, him, the couch, his Wuddy (Lovey) and his thumb -- he'll snuggle up with me.  It's the best!

Another thing I'm happy to share -- my bubba is already nighttime potty trained!  It took a couple years and a whole other process to get the girls nighttime trained, but he already keeps his pull-up dry 99 times out of 100 on his own, less than two months after daytime potty training.  I'll use up this last package of pull-ups I have, and then I'm done buying those too.  For the first time in seven years, no diapers or pull-ups.  Imagine that.

The Helicopter Parent's Paradise

I had really, really been looking forward to a beach trip on Saturday all week long.  It had been too many weeks since the last one, and I had it written on the whiteboard too, which is the same thing as etched in stone as far as we're all concerned.  But on Friday night when it started looking like the weather wasn't going to cooperate, we needed to come up with a plan b.  After a quick Google search I decided the Children's Museum in Savannah was just the thing for a rainy day.  I hoped it wouldn't be too crowded.  We hadn't been to Savannah before, and depending on how the day went, I thought maybe we could do some exploring elsewhere too.

It was a nice, scenic hour-long drive with lots of lovely marsh views, tree-lined highways and one big tall bridge over a river where the kids went "Wheeeee!" and then we were there.  The Children's Museum and the Georgia State Railroad Museum share the same space, so when we parked all we saw were trains and no sign of a children's museum.  Entry to either or both museums is through the gift shop, of course, so that's where we went to buy our tickets and find out where we were going.

Tim and I had a quick discussion as we stood in line about which tickets we ought to buy.  He was in favor of the Railroad Museum because he thought the kids would find it more interesting.  I said no way, they'd be bored out of their minds after 10 minutes of a guided tour of trains, and they'd be complaining about the heat.  He said, "Okay.."

After paying admission we were instructed to walk outside and go toward a brick building with blue beams and we'd find our way from there.  We saw the blue beams right away and headed toward them.  The building is kind of hard to describe. It obviously used to be part of a train station in some way.  It was a tall brick structure with pretty architecture and no roof.  Way down in what was maybe a basement at one point we caught glimpses of plants and umbrellas and colorful things that could maybe be for kids.  Tim said to me, "I hope we didn't just pay $40 for them to play in a park."  He suggested that maybe I could have done a little more research about this particular museum.  I walked toward the staircase which was guarded by two cheerful teenage girls who told me that yes, that open area below was the entire children's museum.  [I just looked at the website again, and I see it does say in fine print right there on the main page that it is an outdoor venue.  And the pictures have grass in them.  Oops.  Next time I won't do my research on my iPhone; I'm not too good at seeing everything on that tiny screen.]  If it rained like the weather report called for, we were all in trouble.

Initially we were very unimpressed, but after a few minutes I decided that I like the open air children's museum a lot better than the other museums I've been to in Richmond, VA, Cincinnati and Providence, RI.  That exhausted, claustrophobic feeling I got in those other places, I did not get here.  Once we'd descended down inside the bricks it got a little cooler, kind of like being in a basement.  Everything was pretty to look at in the natural light.  At one end was a garden and at another end was a maze with little activities along the way.  Along the sides of the building under the arches were little stations for building with blocks, reading books, dressing up, and who knows what else.  They climbed walls, they went down slides, they played under a mister when it got hotter, and they found the most adorable little frogs in the garden.

The one thing that annoyed Tim and me was that it was a helicopter parenting paradise.  The kids had plenty to do to engage their imaginations and keep themselves busy without Mom or Dad breathing down their necks.  And not only that, we quickly found out that the hovering was being enforced by the staff.  After Tim took Timmy to the bathroom, which was in an adjacent building, he saw that the girls at the top of the stairs were stopping kids on their way down and making sure they waited for their adults.  We could understand stopping a kid who's on their way out of the gate to the parking lot, but on the way down into a safe, enclosed space where it's clear that every inch has been approved by OSHA?  Come on, the adults should be allowed to drink coffee from the balcony and relax if they feel like it.  Now that I think of it, all children's museums are helicopter parenting paradises by design.  He should be grateful he got to witness it in open spaces with fresh air instead of the confined indoor spaces of other museums.

Tim and I spent much of our time parked near the garden (quietly) making fun of the hovering parents, but I also had to chuckle at the irony that I was hovering worse than anyone while I took pictures of our kids.

Building a "tower"

Drawing on a chalkboard inside the maze

They stopped en route to the bathroom so Timmy could find his sisters in the maze.

Wish my camera had the capability to focus on that itty-bitty frog.

"The boy took my (hard) hat," he told us.

After we'd been there about an hour-and-a-half it started to rain a little and  I took Timmy to use the potty one more time.  To my surprise, in the building that had the bathroom, there was also a big model train set.  I don't know how Tim ever pried him away from it the first time.  He was so excited, running from one side of it to another, calling out every move the trains made.  "Now it's coming out of the tunnel!"  "Now it's going under the bridge!"  And he wanted to talk about all the other details, the houses, the cars, fire trucks, etc.  

After that Tim and the girls found us, and after a few more minutes of train-watching we went outside to enjoy the picnic lunch that Tim had packed the day before for the beach.  It had stopped raining and it was pretty comfortable under the trees.  I slapped at ants on my feet and said, "Now I remember why I don't do picnics."  Then we had the kids pose for one last picture before we headed home in time for naps at 1:30.  We decided against any more exploring in the city because we were all too tired.  We'll have to plan something else to do in Savannah next time.  I don't know if we'll be back to the Children's Museum anytime soon because I know Tim didn't think it was worthwhile, but I think it was a fun way to spend half of a not-too-rainy Saturday.

First day of school

Today was the girls' first day of school -- 2nd grade for Delaney and kindergarten for Annie.  They go to a public charter school that is only in its second year of operation and doesn't have one building yet to house all the grades.  They will be building a new one this year, but for now they still use two buildings that are several blocks away from each other.  One is for kindergarten and 1st grade, and the other is for all the rest.  So last night and this morning I was studying Google Maps making sure my route was all planned out and I was ready for two carpool lines in the morning and in the afternoon.  I did not want to be the one driving the wrong way down a street and messing everyone else up.  It was a big day for all of us.

I woke up extra early so I could have time to make muffins and drink coffee in peace and collect myself.  A half hour later the day began with a bang for the kids when Timmy fell out of his bed and started crying.  Everybody was up and it was just as well since I was about to have to go wake them all up anyway.

Once we were all ready to go I had them go out front and pose for pictures.  No signs this time.:(  I just didn't get around to it this time but I think that's OK.

Drop off went pretty smoothly.  I went to Delaney's building first because I would be walking Annie in today. Delaney hopped out smiling after giving me my requested hug.  Then we drove a few blocks over and parked to take Annie in.  Annie was very quiet by now.  She didn't say a word, but for days I've suspected that she's having a lot of anxiety about starting school.  She's been picking her myriad mosquito bite scabs until they bleed, and picking on her siblings even more mercilessly.  I've tried to talk to her about it a few times but to no avail.  She does not want to talk about her feelings with me.  As the three of us walked toward the entrance of her school, with camera at the ready I said, "Annie."  She turned around and I snapped this picture.

I really felt for her in this moment when I saw the wariness of her expression and her body language that I know so well.  The way her hand is right there .. she holds her hands like that when she's determined not to appear afraid.  My brave little Annie.

Annie wanted nothing to do with posing for pictures by now, but I just couldn't resist taking a couple more once we got inside the building.  She found her classroom because she recognized the wall outside with the tree and all the names.  We had just been there a few nights before for open house.

Once we got inside I reminded her to hang up her backpack and put her lunch in her cubby, just like the note the teacher had given me during open house had told me.  Then after saying hi to her teacher I asked if I could take a picture of the two of them.  It didn't turn out so well.

After that I gave her a hug which she received as still as a statue, told her to have a great day, and left.  I know she'll be just fine after she's had some time to warm up to everybody.  It was the same day last year with Pre-K.  That was three mornings a week and I think it took a couple months before the teachers started telling me she was coming out of her shell and playing with the other kids.  Maybe it will happen quicker now that she's there seven hours a day Monday through Friday?  I hope so.  Oh Annie, what will we do with you, child..?

Back at home that morning I have to say I really savored the peace and quiet that reigned over the next several hours.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing something wrong when I see them behave the way they do.  I read a lot of blogs and they all paint a much rosier picture of home life and sibling relationships than what is my reality.  I know I could just post those pretty pictures from this morning and hide the reality, buuut I try to keep myself honest because I want to be able to look back one day and remember how it really was, the good and the bad.  There is just a lot of fighting around here.  It ranges from minor squabbles over stuff to all-out hair-pulling and biting (that's what they accuse each other of, although I have yet to find tooth marks on anyone or catch anyone in the act).  It's mostly Annie and Timmy, but sometimes involves Delaney, and usually Annie starts it.  Lately it has reached a fever pitch.  I've been putting people in "opposite ends of the house" and timeout quite a bit.  I've been praying for wisdom to know what to do.  When they get along things are wonderful, they're the best of friends and life is good.  But when they fight it's miserable.  Even still Timmy missed them both a lot today.  He told me several times, "I want Duwaney and Annie to come home now."  Absence makes the heart grow fonder.  I told him we'd go get them after his nap.

Pick up went smoothly enough but it was a lot more time-consuming than drop-off.  I still have yet to figure out exactly the right time to leave the house and the perfect route to take.  I left the house at 2:30, got in line at a little after 3 after taking one wrong turn, and she got in the car at 3:25.  I watched her for a long time before she saw I was there.  She looked hot and tired.  She didn't even notice when I was in front of her, and the teachers saw my car tag and called for her.  When she got in the car she seemed to be in a daze and I thought this day must have been like "shock and awe" for her.  By 3:30 we were in line at Delaney's building, and Delaney got in the car at 3:40.  Other than being hot and tired she seemed happy enough.  Timmy got pretty bored sitting in the car all that time, and I was grateful that all this waiting around in the car takes place AFTER I've had my nap and my afternoon cup of tea. 

So that was day 1 of many to come.  I have high hopes for this school year.  I've heard so many good things about this school from the people who sent their kids last year, and I think it's a great opportunity for our kids.  I look forward to telling you more about it.:)

The most ridiculous thing to be sad about..

.. is the loss of a tiny stuffed animal, one of hundreds owned by our children over the years.  But here I sit feeling sad and not knowing what to do because I've looked EVERYWHERE I can think of for this little guy, and he's nowhere to be found.  I think Delaney's even given up the search but for some reason I can't.  And I wonder why she's turning into such a hoarder -- I feel this way about a few things and she feels this way about ALL THE THINGS.

But there's a memory attached to this one and that's why it's so special to me.  Last year around this time we, just the five of us, went on a week-long vacation in Emerald Isle, NC.  We stayed in a house on the beach and everything was so perfect.  It was one of the most fun and relaxing vacations we've ever had from the full moon at night over the water, to grilling burgers and eating them on the deck, to kids playing in the water fully clothed, having fun dinners out every time with three kids (what?).. I could go on and on.  It was like the stars aligned and everything went right.  We could have done without the dolphin boat tour, but would be our only complaint.

During that week Delaney lost her first tooth and the Tooth Fairy, being short on cash, was pretty generous.  She also had earned some money doing chores, so one morning Tim took her out to pick out something to buy.  I think he took her out two separate times because she was so indecisive, and wanted to make sure that the thing she got was the thing she definitely wanted.  (I still have trouble with that myself!)  As a matter of fact she even tearfully regretted her final selection a day later, which was one of the most adorable toys ever: a bright red mama crab with a pouch on her back out of which peeked a little baby crab.  The baby was removable.  Delaney named the mama "Crabby" and the baby "Snappy."  She got over the finality of her decision and came to like them again, a lot.  Crabby and Snappy have remained among Delaney's favorites, one of the several that call her bed home.

About a week or so ago we went to a playgroup in the neighborhood and Delaney wanted to bring Crabby and Snappy.  As we were leaving Delaney said, "Wait a minute, I want to ride my bike!"  So I told her she could go get it and ride her bike to the house which was one street over from ours.  She dashed back to get her bike and her helmet, then she rode and the rest of us walked to the playgroup.  Since there was a bit of a drizzle I carried Delaney's bike up to the front porch to sit under cover, but I took no note of the toy or whether or not it was even there.  Delaney had stuffed it inside the little zipper pouch that sits on her handlebars.  A little while before we left Delaney mentioned that she didn't have Snappy and wanted to go to the porch and find him.  I told her to go ahead.  She said he wasn't there.  I didn't pay much mind to Delaney's concerns at this point because she's always fussing over a stuffed animal and I was too busy trying to make friends.  But after we got home and she was even more upset because she couldn't find him, I carefully re-traced our route back to my friend's house, then turned around and carefully looked at the road and the surrounding grassy area all the way back.  No Snappy.  I asked Delaney if she was sure, if she was positive, she had brought him.  She was adamant that she had, insisting that she remembered seeing him on the ride over and noticed he was gone while we were at the playdate.  I texted my friend asking her to look out.  She texted me later saying that she had searched her house and had walked to my house and back and hadn't found him.

Since then I've looked at the places where she probably ran in a hurry right as we were leaving the house that day.  The garage, the two or three places that helmets have been kept, and then extended my search to everywhere that she plays with toys.  I can't believe how much it bothers me that that little crab is gone.  I've prayed to St. Anthony, apologizing as I do so because he has way more important things to be helping people with.  I've wracked my brain thinking of places to look.  There aren't all that many nooks and crannies in our minimalist home.  I guess the only thing I haven't done yet is empty her and Annie's dresser drawers.  But I have changed their bedding a couple times since then and no Snappy has tumbled out.

Look at Crabby:

Is this not the most forlorn mama crab you've ever seen?  So sad!  I really need to get a hold of myself, don't I?  But it's hard because a day or so ago, Delaney showed me the August page of her calendar and pointed sadly at one of the days, and I said, "What?"  not understanding what she'd written there.  She said, "Snappy's birthday." :'( 

Well, Delaney, we may not ever find Snappy, but you've got to know I gave it my best shot!