6 months down, just a few days to go

For the final jellybean photo, I opted to leave the jar sitting in its normal spot on the counter between the kitchen and living room, where I have walked by it a thousand times a day since January, glancing impatiently at it every time.  Will those jellybeans ever go down? I wondered.  And look at them now!

Last month on my birthday Tim surprised me with the news that he would be home about three weeks early.  The girls and I danced around for joy, and then I re-counted how many jellybeans we'd need and ended up removing a couple big handfuls.  I then gave them to the girls to put on top of my frosted birthday cookies.

Then I resumed the impatient glances at the now drastically reduced jellybean jar.

Our waiting is almost over.  Tim is on his way.  I remember how much that first couple of weeks sucked, with all the cold and the sickness and the sadness.  Then we got better and settled into our routine, and things got predictable and sometimes fun, and I could manage it all and even be happy.  Now I feel an anxiousness creeping up on me.  I hope it goes smoothly, I hope it goes on time, I hope the kids don't get cranky, I hope it doesn't rain, I hope Tim's not too appalled at the way I've let some things go (oh, I know he doesn't care, he just wants to be with us again)..  All these different things keep crossing my mind.  As Aunt Miriam would say, I have an acute case of "expectation-induced anxiety", right, Grace?  It's too bad that's not a real psychological term because it's brilliant.

The same photographer who took our homecoming pictures last time will be doing them again for us.  I can't wait until I can share the new ones!  Maybe they will even be the last.  That would be nice.

5 months down, (a little less than) 2 to go

4 months down, 3 to go

3 months down, 4 to go

2 months down, 5 to go

If the next 5 months go as fast as this one did, Tim will be home before we know it!

1 month down, 6 to go

Who cares about Valentine's Day?  It's 1 Month Down, 6 to Go Day!

Here we go again.:(

Tim has left for Afghanistan.  We've had months to get ready for this, but it still seems unreal.  I remember last time it felt that way too.  He leaves such a huge hole in our life when he goes away.  I see his truck in the driveway, his clothes in the hamper, his favorite beer in the fridge, and I can't believe it will be seven months before he walks through the door again.

Our last weekend together was thoroughly sucktastic.  It was sunny and 80 degrees, but one by one everyone but me caught a stomach bug.  It was puke, puke, and more puke.  The kids got the light 24-hours or less version.  Timmy got off lightest of all with a bout of throwing up and malaise that lasted maybe five hours total, and he was fine when he got up from his nap.   Tim got hit hard.  He spent Friday night throwing up every hour on the hour.  He spent Saturday motionless on the couch with aches and a fever.  We didn't have our usual date night in.  Instead I decided to take the kids to Subway, and Tim came along because he was briefly feeling better.  But then he sat there looking like death warmed over while I scarfed down my food as fast as I could so we could get back home.  Sunday I took the kids to Mass alone and made crappy French toast for dinner.  Sunday night he rejoined the land of the living and we both commiserated about a wasted weekend.  At least we still had Monday to look forward to before he would leave that night.  He went in to work for a little while Monday morning, got home and collapsed on the couch again, complaining that he just "couldn't shake the ache".

At this point I just wanted to start screaming.  It was so unfair.  I found myself using a short tone with the kids, frustrated with the huge messes they were creating in the kitchen and the constant requests for food, drink, help peeling the backing off of stickers, arguments and crying over every last little thing.  I missed Tim, whose company I had gotten to enjoy only for a few hours the night before, and who would really, really be leaving in a matter of hours.  He hardly uttered a word all morning besides, "Ugh, I'm tired."  I felt so lonely already.

At around noon he partially got out of his funk, got his appetite back and had lunch, and moved to an upright position on the couch.  By 4, he was working on one last delicious dinner of stuffed shells for us all to eat.  A better wife would have insisted on making it herself, but he really wanted to do it.  I cleaned up afterward.

It was so hard to see him go.  My heart ached watching him say goodnight and goodbye to the kids.  I had trouble falling asleep even though I was exhausted from waiting until midnight for his ride to come get him.  Every time I found myself awake and alert I prayed, Please keep him well, keep him safe and bring him back home to us.

Annie was saying, "Stay.  Stay."

I'll try to be as kind to these kids as I possibly can as we adjust to Tim's departure.  I'll try to take a laid-back approach to getting through these first hard days.  It will involve some messy crafts, movie nights, trips to the park, a little bit of fast food, and probably a lot more time spent with noses in electronic devices than ought be allowed.  At some point soon, I will pull myself out of this funk and move on.  I will get through this one day at a time like I did last time.  The hardest day was yesterday, and it will get better.

Once again, weekends and holidays go back to being useless.  When I saw that this coming weekend is a four-day holiday weekend, I thought, 'Isn't that dandy?'  I have no idea what I'm going to do with all these kids for a four-day weekend.

It's supposed to be just seven months this time.  We can do this.

10 months down, just a few days to go

I waited and waited to be able to post this, and it doesn't even feel real to me.  Excited doesn't even describe it.  We can't wait!

9 months down, (a little more than) 1 to go

January, you'd better go by fast!

8 months down, 2 to go

These stubborn jellybeans don't look like they're going down at all!

7 months down, 3 to go

I will forever remember this as the longest 10 months of my life.

Here is Tim the first night of the ship's visit to Dubai.  I have a great picture of him golfing there, too, but it's a PDF (why does it have to be a PDF?!) and I can't figure out how to put it on this blog post.  

6 months down, 4 to go

5 months down, 5 to go

"Oh, we're halfway there, oh, we're livin' on a prayer.."

4 months down, 6 to go

I'm missing him more than ever these days..

3 months down, 7 to go

2 months down, 8 to go

8 months is a long way away..

1 month down, 9 to go

1 week down

We are now one week into this 10 month deployment.  Above is the big vase of Daddy's jellybeans, minus 14 of them that have been consumed.  The girls each get one of Daddy's jellybeans every day until he comes home.  That is a LOT of jellybeans!  Trying to explain to Delaney how long her daddy was going to be gone was impossible.  First, I tried telling her that it was going to get warmer and warmer out until it was summer and her birthday, than cooler until it was fall (and Halloween), then colder until it was Christmas and New Year's, and then Daddy would be home soon after that.  But since she doesn't really think about seasons and holidays happening in any kind of order, this did not help her understand.  Then I remembered a friend's suggestion of a jar of jellybeans.  A couple nights before Tim left I painstakingly counted out enough jellybeans for her and her sister to each have one a day for 10 months.  They filled this big old vase.  Now I tell her Daddy will be home when the jellybeans are all gone.  That makes much more sense to her.  Annie doesn't really care, she just likes jellybeans.  I like that they get something sweet every day to remind them of him.

So far we're doing well.  Tim has email for now, and his own computer, so I hear from him a few times a day.  He really misses home, but he's adjusting to life on the ship.  We're keeping fairly busy, and we've been out a lot in the nice weather.  We're looking forward to our vacation with my family in Florida the third week of May.

From time to time, the girls will see Tim's truck when we pull  in the driveway and say, "Dada!"  Then we talk about why his truck is in the driveway, but he's not home.  I say there's no room on the ship for anyone to bring their cars, and besides, there's nowhere to drive on a ship.  I don't think they get sad about him not being here, but sometimes in the evening, Delaney seems extra whiny and needy around the time he'd be home, and I think that's her missing him.  I think we're all feeling his absence in our own way.  I sometimes get whiny in the evenings too.  I'm still at the point where I'm overwhelmed by how long 10 months is.  I'm sad for the girls about how long they will be without him, because they don't know any better.  I just keep telling him how much he misses them, and we read his recordable storybook, and of course they have their Daddy Dolls.

I am going to be glad when that vase doesn't have so many jellybeans in it.