Monday, February 28, 2011

It's about 6 in the morning.  Tim turns off his alarm for the second time, and it's quiet again.  Eager to take advantage of my last hour of sleep, I will myself to close my eyes and doze off.  I find myself once again in another variation of the same dream I've had for months and months, maybe years..

I'm back at my high school.  The rooms and hallways are still familiar, but I have the sense I've been away for awhile.  I don't recognize a single soul around me.  My backpack is full of books, and I realize I don't even know where my locker is anymore, so I'll have to carry them all around.  Today I'm taking final exams in some science and math class.  (In these dreams, there's always a math class involved.  I guess you can tell it was not my favorite subject.)  The math exam is Probability & Statistics -- ironic, since that's one of the math classes I did fairly well in.

I have a big problem.  I haven't studied.  In fact, I can't remember the last time I've been to either one of these classes.  I feel overwhelmed with dread.  How did this happen to me?  I wonder.  I was always such a good student until now.  I'm going to take a test that I haven't even studied for.  I'm going to fail, and it's going to bring down my GPA.  I'm already flush with embarrassment before I go into the science classroom.  The teacher's going to know I have no idea what any of the answers are, and it's all my fault.  I'm not at all prepared, but I'm walking to the classroom now and the test is in a few minutes.  I keep hoping for some miracle, like a fire drill -- anything that will give me even a few minutes to cram..

"Mama!"  Into my room bounds a pajama-clad little girl.  For a moment, I'm confused.  I look at the clock and it's a little after 7.  I remember I'm not in high school anymore.  I'm a housewife.  I don't have to take an exam.  I have to serve breakfast to my kids.  I'm so relieved, it's ridiculous.

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