I owe the four of you an apology -- one that I could probably get away with never saying, but I'll say it nonetheless.
Several weeks ago, while I was in Cincinnati staying at your grandparents' house, I happened to be chatting next to the pool with your aunts Anna and Grace. Grace was talking about how hard it is to get things done around the house with little kids around (you remember hers are five and two). Anna said to her, "When they get older they'll help you out more." I said, "Mine are older and they're not much help."
I think you'd all beg to differ, but don't worry, I'll be setting the record straight. I think that if you were ever not much help to me, the fault was never yours. I simply wasn't requiring enough of you, and the blame for that rests squarely on my shoulders. I thought I was doing my job but I was actually neglecting a huge part of it.
You see, I am the proud keeper of a housework schedule, which allows me (as long as I stay on top of it) to keep a 3000-square-foot house reasonably neat and clean at all times. As a stay-at-home mom, making this house a livable home is my responsibility, and it's important for my sanity that there is cleanliness and order. Not only that, I enjoy the laundry and the cleaning, and the feeling of accomplishment that I have when it's done. I really didn't think anyone could scrub a toilet the way I could. I didn't think anyone could push a mop the way I could. But then I would get frustrated at the four of you for messing it up. Worse yet, when the pandemic grounded us all, I resented that you never went anywhere so I could get this house in order! It shames me to admit that.
I stayed stubbornly set in my ways for weeks, while waiting with bated breath for things to return to "normal." Anytime now, anytime now, I'd say to myself through gritted teeth as my face turned blue. It has since become clear that whatever normal is, we are still a long way away from it. After receiving the news that the public schools have decided to go remote for at least the first nine weeks of the year (but we know it will end up being longer), your daddy and I experienced a few days of turmoil. We had blithely ignored this possibility all summer long, but now here it was, reality knocking at our door. In the end we pivoted to a new course of action: Timmy is attending Catholic school, and the girls will be homeschooled by me for the year. Only Joey will be doing what was originally planned for him -- Pre-K at his same school, three mornings a week. Some of us will be spending even more time at home together. In light of the changes I've implemented this summer, I can look at this prospect with a newfound feeling of gratitude. There were things about my approach to parenting and homemaking that needed addressing, but that might never have happened as long as you stayed in full-time school.
While you had been doing some chores for years, and have always been responsible for your own rooms, your father said it wasn't enough, and he urged me to get you all doing more. I don't know why I hesitated -- a misplaced feeling of guilt? A lack of faith in you guys' ability? Fear of push-back? The mistaken notion that it's easier just to do it all myself? Maybe all of those things. Whatever the case, I finally came around and started assigning you more work. It turns out he's right about yet another thing.😜 I am finding that not only am I feeling less burdened now that I am divvying up the work among those of you big enough to do it, I am appreciating having you around a lot more. Not only that, since you now have a hand in the vacuuming, mopping, dusting, etc., this makes you stakeholders in our home, as you should have been all along. This is your home too, and I want each of you to take pride in it. Your help with the yard has also been much appreciated by Daddy. And even though Joey can't do much yet, he's learning a lot from your example.
It's far from perfect here; there are days that you've vacuumed, dusted and Bona mopped the living room, but have forgotten to make your own beds. One or two of you may have completed your chores one day, but failed to brush your teeth -- you know who you are. There have been squabbles over who gets to do what, even with it being a list of items to pick and initial, first-come-first-serve. There are still times that decide it's easier to do something myself, knowing full well I ought to delegate it to one of you. We all struggle with the inertia of not having many places to go for many months, and our attitudes have suffered. We're working on it. We'll get there.
With school starting up again under our our very own "Plan D," I'm going to continue to depend on your help around here. It may look a little different than it does in the summertime, but I don't ever want to go back to seeing you all as little house-wreckers. That was very unfair to you. We will all be a little busier as we get into the school year, but I hope we all remember that it doesn't take long to accomplish a lot when we're focused, and that many hands make light work.
Love always,
Mama
No comments:
Post a Comment