Well, hello there. It's been a minute since I got on here last. I haven't been jumping on here to enumerate my failed resolutions or the times I don't measure up to my own standards, but trust me, there's been a lot of that happening around here. At the same time, I have to look around and see that life has been incredibly good, we have so much to be thankful for, and even that I, personally, am managing to do some things right, even when it feels like I'm just bumbling along. Documenting life here has always helped me focus on that better, but strangely enough, I rarely find myself wanting to do that. This crazy year has had me diving deeper into my faith; and it seems that where I used to find myself with lots to share, now I find myself with almost no words. With whatever time I have free, all I want to do is listen, read, contemplate, and absorb. I'm like a bottomless pit needing to be filled with everything good, beautiful and true in the face of all this uncertainty.

Yesterday was Joey's 5th birthday. After I dropped Timmy off at school, I was sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast when my bedroom door opened, and he came out (he always winds up in our bed by morning). He stood there all disheveled and sleepy because he gets out of bed before he's actually awake. I looked over and said, "Happy birthday, love!" He gasped and said, "I'm five!" Then he ran to me and launched himself into my arms. After I set him back down he asked me if he'd grown, and I told him he definitely had. The magic of going to bed four years old and waking up the next morning five!

He was fake sleeping because I wanted this picture and he won't nap except in the car or at church; even still I'm amazed at how his face, and all their faces, revert to newborn when they're asleep.

As I always do on their birthdays, I broke out my treasure trove of memories. The night five years ago I went to bed heavily pregnant and exhausted after an emotional day. Feeling the breeze come through my open window, and seeing the branches swaying. Waking up Tim and calling my midwife a few hours later, but trying not to get too excited. My midwife Joanne in her "Midwives help people out" t-shirt. Seeing the kids off at the school bus, frying eggs at the stove, and wondering if, in fact, there would be a baby born that day. Walking into the kitchen triumphantly holding up eight fingers. Laughing with Tim as we walked around our neighborhood, and then getting a couple really good contractions. Pulling the new little one up to my heart, and searching his scrunched-up face for familiar features.

We took the kids to the trampoline park on Sunday, as a special birthday outing. He got to celebrate at school with treats and a new book. Then it was just us later for cake, ice cream, and presents. We got him the next size up bike, and at first he was pretty intimidated by its height, but by the end of the evening he'd taken it for a spin around the driveway. He also got three remote control cars, an assortment of other cars, and some Transformers, all of which have kept him busy playing inside on this cold day. He goes to preschool Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings, and hangs out with us the other two days of the week.

Another thing I've been wanting to share: Tim finished our kitchen transformation right before Thanksgiving. I love how it turned out -- so much lighter and brighter. The cabinets were spray painted professionally, and the old tile was replaced by Brazilian cherry like the other living areas. The backsplash and counters are new, and Tim put in more under-cabinet lighting. He did an amazing job with the pantry too, but I need to clean it up and get it looking good in there again before I take a picture. 

And here are a couple "before" pictures, so you can really see how far we've come. The one change that had the biggest impact -- as in, if we'd done nothing else, we could have gotten by -- was painting the cabinets. Tim keeps finding little nicks in the paint and it's driving him crazy, but I don't look that closely and I still love it. At one point Tim uncovered hunter green paint behind the stove, and it was crazy to imagine the whole room having been hunter green at one point.