Tuesday, August 30, 2016

A Strange Morning (Guest Post by Joey)

Hi everybody, this is Joe. Joey, Joes-Knows, Joseph Daniel, Shnoogumberry, whatever you want to call me. I'm interrupting the regularly scheduled programming about my sleep habits and what we're wearing to church, so I can tell you about the strange morning I've had.

Mama laid me down for my first nap at the regular time. I didn't give her any trouble about it because I was sleepy. Our 12:30 a.m. meeting and my too-early wake-up time will do that to a baby. But someone's got to keep Mama in line, and I'm that guy. So she laid me down, whispered some sweet nothings, patted my bum a few times, and sneaked away like she always does. (She thinks I don't know when she leaves.) I drifted off in my dark room listening to the noise machine.

A while later I woke up angry like I always do and started calling for Mama. I heard quick footsteps and the door opened. Her hands felt a little different when she reached into the pack 'n play, and her voice was a little different too. But it was dark and I was still sleepy, and I didn't think much of it. Then she took me out into the kitchen I got a good look at her and I saw that she was.. NOT THE MAMA!!!

Now, if you don't know the list of people I prefer, and the order in which I prefer them, I will give you the list. Here it is:

Sissies and maybe brother
Grandfathers and uncles
Strange men. Any man will do. Mailman, third cousin twice removed, escaped convict, neighbor, doesn't matter.
Aunties and grandmothers

Strange ladies are not on the list!!

I looked this way and that for Mama, Daddy, sissies .. Where did they go? I've seen this strange lady somewhere. Mama and Daddy like her. I'm OK but I'm not happy. She was saying hi to me and talking about what a nice morning we were going to have together, but I wasn't buying it. I wondered if it would be worth the effort to cry, but decided I should just just keep looking out for Mama instead of squinching up my eyes and crying.

She changed my diaper, then got a bottle out of the fridge and walked with me out the door and down the street. I stared at her really hard the whole way. She took me to another house. Her house? Inside there was a man. I reached out my arms. Oh good, a man! Let me go to him! They both laughed and she handed me to him. He said, "Hey, Buddy." The man will sort out this little misunderstanding and give me back to my mama.

The man showed me his dog, but he didn't let him lick my toes.
The man took me to the garage and showed me his toys.
Don't let her get me.
The man showed me his car and his boat too.
I get to ride shotgun. Where we going?
The man tried to give me my bottle too, and I drank a little bit so they wouldn't fuss over me. I don't care much for bottles or other Mama substitutes.

Then the lady said, "Time to head back home, Joey." She took me from the man and I did not like this. The man said, "Bye, bye, Joey." He waved. I stared and stared at him until the door shut and I couldn't see him anymore. Why couldn't the man bring me home?

I stared at the lady all the way back down the street. I know this place. This is where we wait for the bus. A white van drove up and a man got out. A man! The lady said, "Hi, John." I reached for the man, but the lady kept walking and they both laughed. What is so funny about this?

The lady took me up our stairs and into the front door. Inside there was my mama! Mama, where have you been? Please take me back! Mama took me back with a big smile and I was back where I belonged, on her hip. She and the lady talked about me.

"He slept until 8:40."
"Oh, good."
"I took him to my house, and he loves Jason... Jason's home on leave getting a few things done .. On our way back here we saw John the maintenance man, and he tried to go to John!"

Mama and the lady laughed at this and Mama talked about when we went to Massachusetts and I did not want the ladies to hold me, just the men. These are the rules and they are not funny!!

I really need to keep a better eye on my Mama and make sure she doesn't get any more crazy ideas. That's all I have to say.

Joey out.


Rachael here again. This morning I left Joey with a non-family babysitter for the very first time, so the kids and I could go to the dentist. It was a little bit of a big deal, and I found myself wishing it were possible to give Joey a heads-up, like, "Just so you know, when you get up from your nap, someone else will be there, but it will be OK. I'll be back." But I couldn't because he wouldn't understand. If he had understood, he might not have gone to sleep! Then I got to thinking about what it must be like for a baby when things don't go the way they're supposed to, and nobody consults him when making other plans. He just has to go along. Then Kelley texted me the photos, and I cracked up at the look on his face in all of them and I got the idea for this blog post. Fortunately for us, despite his quirks, Joey is flexible and the morning was a success.

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