Yesterday I texted Tim that I had just put Timmy down for a nap without nursing. I told him he'd cried for about a minute and I felt bad. Tim replied, "Timmy will be fine. It's you I'm worried about." I thought it was nice of him to be so concerned, but I knew it was time and that it had been time for awhile. We were ready.
But wow.. I can't believe how hard it actually is to really be done nursing my little buddy. I didn't expect it to make such a huge difference, going from two nursing sessions a day to none. He was too old for me to just drop one session and then the other. It would confuse him. So I had to tell him the milk was all gone and we were all done, and that was that. There have been many tears shed between yesterday and today, most of them mine. There will probably continue to be over the next few days.
I have so many good memories of nursing Timmy. I was blessed yet again with an easy time of it from the beginning. I am so grateful. To watch a baby grow plump and round and to know that all his nourishment came from me, is an amazing privilege. And I continued with him for longer than I ever thought I would. It was easy and effortless for a long, long time. Then it wasn't.
I felt so strong and resolute about it yesterday. But today it is so hard. My eyes won't stop leaking. If this was a mistake, it's too late to go back. He seems happy and oblivious, and causing mischief like any other day. I know I need to accept that he's not a baby anymore. But I don't like change. I cuddle and kiss him anytime he'll let me, and I hope I didn't damage our bond.