The Beach Calls

The beaches, along with their parking lots and restrooms, opened up last week, but it was a little too chilly. Yesterday had the perfect forecast, and I told Tim, "I'm sorry, I know there's so much to do at the new house, but I NEED a beach day." I thought maybe at the last minute he'd change his mind and go, but he ended up having a very productive day by himself, and I was excited to see what he'd gotten done. It's all coming along, and I'm looking forward to writing that post. His (and to a lesser extent our) evenings and weekends have been consumed these last few weeks with house projects, and the prospect of all that sand was just not enticing enough to pull him away. (He's really not a beach person, if you didn't know. I'd have felt much guiltier about going without him if he were.)

The temperature was just right, the breeze was just right, and so were the waves. I told the kids that since we had neither their father nor a lifeguard there, they were not to go in past their waists. But it was the kind of surf that's very long and shallow, so it wasn't a difficult rule to abide by. They were bodyboarding, and farther out, there were people walking around in water up to their shins. The water was too chilly for my taste, so I just sat at the edge. It was very refreshing.

I stayed until it seemed we'd reached the limit of their endurance and our food, and they were starting to get tired and cranky. I think it ended up being maybe just under three hours, and I soaked up every minute.You beach people know what I mean.

We got back home, recharged a little bit, did some laundry, cleaned up and prepared to clear out again so there could be another showing of the house we're renting for a little while longer. After over a month on the market and no activity, there have been four showings in a week. I'm confident the owners should be entertaining some offers soon. Then we had the boys put on collared shirts, and the girls and I wore sundresses because... for the first time in two months we attended Mass. It was an outdoor Mass, and we set up our lawn chairs like we were there for a concert in the park. Happy day! To be standing alongside the community of faithful again, and receiving Jesus again, was wonderful. I was so, so grateful.  

These last couple months have been...challenging, to say the least. "Challenging" is the word we use when we're trying to be positive. I like to put a positive spin on things in this space, focus on my blessings which are many, and give myself something to look back on and smile. Those things are always there, and in abundance if I'm paying attention to them. But I have to be honest to my future rose-colored glass-wearing self: being a stay-at-home mom has not been going well for me. I know that it has been wearing on all of us to be at home together day in and day out, for such a long time, with very few diversions and the pressure of "distance learning." But exacerbating that is a child of mine is non-compliant and seems to relish friction. I don't have the tools to cope because I am a person who likes to get along with others, has always wanted to get along (but mostly to be left alone, honestly), so I can't relate to the constant desire for conflict. I feel completely inept and ineffective as a parent in the face of this. I have been hurting, and have my children who've had to deal with my bad moods and frustration. We have been working hard to nurture our relationship with this child, and I've been praying for peace in our home.

All that to say, words could not possibly convey how much I needed yesterday.

P.S. Just wanted to share this because I'm so proud of Scotty and Faith, whose recent home renovation was featured in a magazine. You two can come do our kitchen next.:)