Sunday, November 24, 2013

Weaning

Yesterday I texted Tim that I had just put Timmy down for a nap without nursing.  I told him he'd cried for about a minute and I felt bad.  Tim replied, "Timmy will be fine.  It's you I'm worried about."  I thought it was nice of him to be so concerned, but I knew it was time and that it had been time for awhile.  We were ready.

But wow.. I can't believe how hard it actually is to really be done nursing my little buddy.  I didn't expect it to make such a huge difference, going from two nursing sessions a day to none.  He was too old for me to just drop one session and then the other.  It would confuse him.  So I had to tell him the milk was all gone and we were all done, and that was that.  There have been many tears shed between yesterday and today, most of them mine.  There will probably continue to be over the next few days.  

I have so many good memories of nursing Timmy.  I was blessed yet again with an easy time of it from the beginning.  I am so grateful.  To watch a baby grow plump and round and to know that all his nourishment came from me, is an amazing privilege.  And I continued with him for longer than I ever thought I would.  It was easy and effortless for a long, long time.  Then it wasn't.  

I felt so strong and resolute about it yesterday.  But today it is so hard.  My eyes won't stop leaking.  If this was a mistake, it's too late to go back.  He seems happy and oblivious, and causing mischief like any other day.  I know I need to accept that he's not a baby anymore.  But I don't like change.  I cuddle and kiss him anytime he'll let me, and I hope I didn't damage our bond.

4 comments:

  1. Oh man, I feel your pain on this one. I am desperately clinging to my once a day nursing session with Jake right now and hoping so much that I'll be able to get pregnant soon while nursing him. We are nearing the point when we really want to be pregnant again but with nursing, I have yet to get my cycle back - so it seems I will need to wean to do that. But, it's so hard - even though we're only nursing for a few minutes and most of it is Jake laughing and talking rather than really eating - it's still our time and I don't want to give it up. Your husband is so right - the kids are fine, will be fine and won't know the difference in such a short period, it's us that is clinging to that babyhood :) Good luck, I feel for you!!

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    1. Thanks, Jodi. Good luck to YOU too. It gets harder and harder to let go of their babyhood, doesn't it? Weaning his big sisters was so much easier. They didn't know what was going on. He's the first kid that I had to talk to him about being done. It killed me. I wanted him to quit on his own, but Tim says that never would have happened and we'd be having this conversation when he's 10! I hope that it goes much easier for you.

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  2. Awww :( I'm sure I'll struggle when weaning my son as well, as he may be my last baby too, which makes it even harder. Try to focus on the amazing gift of breastfeeding that you gave him for 2+ years!

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    1. Thanks. That does make it harder, knowing he might be the last. Today I'm a little better. I only cried once.

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