Saturday, November 5, 2011

Excerpt from tonight's letter to Tim

Oh lord, what a rough night.  I am exhausted and will be going to bed early.  Too tired to work out.  Too tired to drink a beer.  But not too tired to tell you all about it.

The whole afternoon was a blur for me, just trying to drink coffee and start to think about getting ready to take us all out.  Timmy was sleeping, waking and eating in short intervals, and I didn't feel like I had any time to just sit and collect myself.  It was a 2 cups of coffee afternoon.  That is very rare.  I usually get by with either a nap or one cup of coffee.  I talked with my mom for a little while after the girls went down for nap.  She called.  She wants to get us a Kindle for Christmas!  She brought it up.  I said, "How funny, we've been talking about a Kindle lately!"  I told her about Amazon's library, blah blah.  So we're getting that and we're getting some fancy chopping tool that she'd also bought for Faith, and Faith loves it.  Good enough for me.

I managed to take a shower, and that was good.  When my hair was getting to be almost dry, I tried these foam rod rollers in my hair to give them loose waves (impulse buy from Target -- bad, bad.  But I'd read on one of my blogs that they worked really well.).  I left them in for a while, and when I took them out, my hair was curled in some places, crimped in others, and ugly all over.  So I ended up braiding it.  I also put them in Annie's hair, and they didn't do much for her either, although she looked really cute with curlers in and I took a picture.  I'm going to try again with those rollers, this time with my hair dry and the ends of my hair sticking completely out, nowhere near the curlers.

The girls were up by 2:45, and excited about going to Play Date.  We started our process early because it takes forever.  I lost track of what times Timmy was eating, he ate so often, and only slept for what felt like 5 minutes, but probably was more like a half hour.  That after I held and shushed and kissed and coaxed him for several minutes to lay down.  He was having an off day, I guess.  He was not well rested and I knew it, but I was so looking forward to dinner with Aimee!

At a little after 5, we met Aimee at Play Date and she, Timmy and I were off to Captain Ratty's.  I couldn't wait to have that pasta dinner, I'd been hungry all day for a nice big meal.  I had had the last of my casserole leftovers at 3 as a snack, so I wouldn't be completely starved when I got there.  That turned out to be a good idea.

Timmy didn't stay in his car seat long.  I knew he wouldn't.  I sat him on my lap and just hoped we'd make it before he got too bad.  I ate all my salad, but he was getting super squirmy by the time my hearts of artichoke pasta arrived.  Aimee held him for me for a little bit, but when he started turning his head and looking aggravated, I thought he might like to nurse.  So I tried, and he only cried.  Oh dear.  So then I just kept shifting him around, trying to at least keep him still while I ate.  Finally I stood up with him and bounced.  Aimee took him from me when she was finished with her dinner, and tried walking around with him.  I ate as fast as I could, but that spaghetti was slippery and hard to get on the fork.  He cried for a couple minutes, and then got quiet and I felt relief.  But it didn't last long, and when his wails started up again from the other room, I smiled at the waitress and said, "Perhaps I'll take the check now."  

She got me a box for my food and I said, "I will enjoy this after I get the kids to bed."  She was really nice.  From the sympathetic smiles they gave me, I could tell the waitresses probably had kids of their own and they understood, and didn't think I was starving or neglecting him to make him cry that way.

I tried to feed him in the car, but he didn't seem hungry.  As we drove away, he quieted down, and I said, "I was hoping the girls would be able to stay at Play Date for a couple hours.  They like it so much there."  We decided to just take a little drive, let Timmy get settled down, and then go get the girls.  I drove all the way down to the Havelock Walmart and turned around,  went through the Taberna Dunkin Donuts drive-thru, and back to Play Date.  We got to have conversation in the car that we couldn't have at the restaurant.  By the time we got the girls it was close to 7, which was in keeping with my plan to keep them up until 8 tonight because of the clock change.  

At home, I nursed Timmy and put him to bed.  I nuked my artichoke pasta.  But before I could even take one bite, Annie started demanding a snack.  I said she could have an apple but I wasn't cutting it up.  I was hungry and wanted to eat my food, and I know they fed you there, I paid for you to eat there..  She demanded I cut it up, and threw it across the table where it fell and landed on the floor.  Then she completely melted down.  So I had to put her in her room until she calmed down. 

Then I put my meal back in the microwave, wondering if I was ever going to get to finish it.  Then Delaney started wanting something to eat, then wanting something to drink.  I got her a slice of cheese, all the while saying, "It is obvious to me that neither of you ate your dinner there," and going on and on about how I paid for their dinner at Play Date, they need to be eating it, and I'm hungry, and I want to eat my dinner.  I split a bag of trail mix between them and ended up eating what they left behind.

I'm still hungry two hours later, even though I finished the pasta -- eventually -- and ate another bag of trail mix.

As it got closer to 8, I said it was time to get in pajamas, brush teeth and go to bed.  But Delaney had to poo, and it was one of those times where she sits there for at least 15 minutes, and complains that Annie won't leave her alone.  So, partly to distract Annie and partly to help move Delaney along, I suggested maybe a story would help.  Annie got one and I sat out in the hall and read it.  One didn't do it.  Two didn't do it.  Finally Delaney was either done, or just done for tonight, and we went to their room for bedtime.

I've never seen the two of them go to pieces the way they were.  Delaney cried because Annie didn't want to wear her cute, cozy footed PJs that looked like hers.  Annie cried because, "I want to cry, not Delaney!"  (She owns crying now.)  Then Annie cried because I was going to let Delaney pick one story since Annie had picked the bathroom stories.  And finally I said, "That's enough, no stories, you two need to go to sleep!"  And I closed the door on both of them crying.  Delaney opened the door a couple times to beg for another story, but I knew she'd crash within minutes, and she did.

So that was my disaster of a night.  I'm going to turn back the clocks and go to bed here in a few minutes.  

I'm also going to post this story on my blog because I know one day I will want to look back and laugh.  

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